You are my unsent message.
The cursor blinking rhythmically,
With my heartbeat,
Waiting,
For me to hit send.
But I am not ready,
And I’m not sure if I ever will be
So I left it like that.
Unsent. Unseen. Unread.
“I miss you.”

Once I saw a beautiful bird
She was one of a kind
And when she flutters, the sun pays attention
As the clouds pay respect.

Her feathers depict unrelenting grace
And one would get lost in her eyes
Other birds pursued her for days
Some would even go for miles.

You'd somehow think she has it all
All except for one
The heart of whom she truly loves
The heart of a human.

Not only forbidden but impossible
This tale tells it all
How can a man hear her heart?
How can he possibly fall?

She looks at him from afar
He doesn't even know
A single tear fell from her eyes
As she wished upon a star.

"I don't even believe that such myths exist,
But perhaps, you'll grant me my wish
Only one and one will do
Make me human so he'll love me, too."

Oh, the poor bird who hoped for much
Who could only do as hope for such
For a dream, a wish that will never come true
Now her wing got hurt as she flew.

Oh, the beautiful bird with a broken wing
She can still fly but never sing
A sweet lullaby of a wish coming true
A lullaby of the only man she loved and will forever do.

For those who are in love,
Love is a force of nature
Unstoppable and powerful
Pure and perfect.

But for the brokenhearted,
Love creates the illusion
That everything is good
Love is not blind but it does blind
It blinds you into believing
That the rose has no thorns
And that you can cross any ocean
Or survive any storm.
It creates another version of you
That is vulnerable, accepting,
And forgiving
No matter how many times you've been hurt.
It's a diversion, a dead end.
Love is jumping in a cliff, blindfolded,
And expecting for someone to catch you.
An intricately constructed algorithm-
A subtle lie,
For the brokenhearted.

Yet love is unfathomable
It's a powerful force that changes people
Moves even the biggest mountains
Breaks the sturdiest rocks
And melts the coldest glaciers.
Love is both monochrome and
A kaleidoscope of colors.

I was almost trapped,
inside the pain of my past
When you showed me the key
And found me at last.

Hatred was in my heart
Love was never there
I was certainly out of trust
Until you showed me how to care.

You have waited patiently
But I ignored you, instead
I just cannot bear the pain
Of seeing my past repeat itself.

But please do understand
There's always a time for every man
My mind's telling me not to
But my heart's screaming "I love you."

Write me a poem
Of the wonders and awes
Of loving and being loved.
Write me a poem
Of hummingbirds
Of sirens and beating hearts.
Write me a poem
Of how the sun
Compliments my eyes
Write me a poem
Of how like the moon
I illuminate the night sky.

Don't write me a song
Don't write me a letter
Why are you being so obscure?
Write me a poem
Write me your answer
Don't leave me with an
Empty sheet of paper.
Now all's white
And all's black
I wrote you a poem
But you never wrote back.

You don't have to change
To prove them you're not the same
You don't have to be the same
To prove them you haven't changed.

Blending in to hide yourself
From prying, critical eyes
Blending in out of fear
Of enemies in angel's disguise.

Little chameleon, be careful
Not to lose yourself
This world is a labyrinth
And sometimes, a game of chess.

It's hard to be someone else
But harder to not be yourself
So come out of that camouflage
And just be yourself.

Little chameleon, don't be afraid
I am here to say,
"If no one else will accept you
Then I am here, I'll stay."

As a song brings tears to our eyes
As a wren sings its sad lullabies
As the moon fades in the lonesome night
My soul waits for You, my Knight.

Fighting my way in this battle within
Yet together, there's no doubt that we will win
But where are You now? Without You, I'll falter
My soul waits for You may it be forever.

Two heads are better than one, they say
And who am I to not obey?
I'll be patient and do everything I must
To wait for You and give all my trust.

The only light in the vast expanse of darkness
When there are no stars to light up the night sky.
The moon, in every phase, continuously illuminates
With the right kind of light, not the blinding one.
It brightens my day in a way that the sun can't.

The sun has a wondrous beauty of its own
But I have always loved the moon.

They write of singing birds and swaying trees
Of loving and being loved
While I lie here rotting,
I write of broken hearts.
I know of how bees sting
How the ocean is capable
Of drowning and devouring and such
It was so beautiful in the beginning
So clear, so peaceful, how it brings serenity to one's soul
Never thought I would drown beneath the waves.
Never thought of it at all.
I write of a wound that won't heal
Even time has abandoned and left me hanging
I write of a song of how all these years
I have been struck with the same lightning.

Morn as I broke a glass at home
And thought,
"I should have known."
I fixed it fast, it did not last
Why is there a million shards for one broken glass?

I was never a poet,
Until you passed by,
Never a believer,
Yet now I try.
We had different worlds,
But of the same kind
Now in your spell,
My heart is bind.

I was never certain,
Yet now I'm sure,
Hiding behind a curtain,
Afraid, I trembled.
Casting that spell of love on me again,
As I write our story on the point of my pen.

I was never a woman,
Yet now I am,
Though I knew you would prefer
A graceful swan.
I was never like this,
When you showed me the sun,
My heart felt bliss,
My poem, left, undone.

The hardest part
Will be the days that come after.
Prepare your heart.

When you are alone
And you stare at the ceiling
And time feels like an eternity
When you’re sad,
That’s when you become a poet.

When you are with someone
And your heart flutters
And time feels too short
When you’re happy,
That’s when you become a poet.

But when the sky was a different shade of blue
And my heartbeat was louder
Than the drops of heavy rain
And time felt like it froze
As I felt my first numbing pain
Of being left,
That’s when I became a poet.

I woke up at the warmth of the sun
But my day started with a storm
I was just another loner for some
With a past that takes no form.

My tears dried up in no time
Yes, but my heart has turned to stone
My words ran out of rhyme
And I was all alone.

Far and wide, I wandered
Filled with so much questions
A lot of times, I faltered
Confused at all directions.

I fell on my knees and cried,
"How could I even survive?"
Then He gave me answers in many ways
And the best of all was His embrace.

A poetess, I am, simple yet words are alluring,
Found someone who made my heart go pounding,
He made me see what is to believe,
That charming vision of phantom, my apparition of reality.

Petty, to think of you, though I still do,
Than to bid my love, my final adieu,
Awoken in a world where you don't exist,
C'est la vie! Reality, how painful it is!

Strong like a mountain, I really am,
But without you, I'm frail and wan,
You were lost in my fantasy, yes, but not in my heart,
That charming vision of phantom, my apparition of Love.

When I'm in the valley of sadness,
All I can see is you,
Ripped out the leftovers of my happiness,
Believe it or not, I still miss you.

Locked up in a tower,
Where there is no fairytale to save me,
Nor a miraculous flower,
That cures sickness whatever it may be.

My genuine love for you does not surrender,
My friend, I am not a good pretender,
You may see a healthy-looking me outside,
But it's the agony and pain I cannot hide.

Why not look through the glass instead of looking at the raindrops on the window?
I wondered.
It rained yesterday.
I was on the passenger seat of a jeepney looking at the raindrops on the window, on my way home.
It is not usually like this. I don't usually think of the rain as a bane to my existence or as an obstruction to my path.
I think of it as a beautiful lyricless song that one would usually play on repeat, the words would unconsciously form inside your mind, your heart making a lyrics of its own.
Because the heart usually knows something that the brain knows nothing of.
But yesterday was different.
I looked at the rearview mirror and saw the passengers at the back.
One was holding a phone, talking in a hushed voice,  another passenger was looking at me intently through the mirror, and the others were looking outside- perhaps, eager to go home or reliving their day just as I was.
Perhaps, it was because of my day.
How it went.
How I went to school and felt empty.
How everything felt meaningless the moment I heard that the person who used to be my friend didn't extend the same courtesy I would have given her by saying directly to my face what she wanted to say instead of going behind my back.
Coward.
But I, a fool.
Perhaps it was that.
Or maybe it was when I shared my problems to someone
And asked him to show me the brighter side of the picture
But he showed me how I was the dark picture, instead.
I, a fool.
Perhaps it was that.
Or perhaps it was when I decided to write a novel
But when I held the pen
It felt unfamiliar
Beneath my fingers.
Perhaps it was that.
Or the days that I have punished myself by remembering him.
Perhaps it was that.
Perhaps it was not the rain.
Perhaps it was the way I looked at the raindrops on the window instead of looking through the glass.

Almost 70,000 words
Still, I can't figure out
Why poetry seem to flow
When I feel like giving up

9000 days and more
Still, my heart betrays me  
I guess we'll only live
Once we choose to be happy

Can You tell me the secret?
Can You show me The plan?
My heart yearns to know
Please tell me I can.

He, who opened my eyes and made me see
He, who died in the cross for you in me
I, who back then was not aware
And have always thought life's unfair.


Engulfed with the past that left me empty,
Overshadowed by all the pain and misery,
Yet Father, You renewed my dying faith,
When You said, "Child, it is not too late."

If I was blind,
Though I am not
It sure would be a misery
Yes, If I am blind
I would've thought
Of dying by the depths of agony.

Yet some are blind
For wealth is where
Their heart ought to be
And so we are not blind
Not to care
What is there for us to see

Reach as high
As you can climb
You are given the ability to do so
Now open your eyes
Thank God and smile
And never judge like you know.

Everyday, I struggle to be a better version of myself. There are nights that I would cry because I don't want to be this weak pathetic thing who cries over small things easily. But everyday, I also get to be reminded of God's grace, love, and mercy. It's really hard to accept your negative side but it's much harder if you don't acknowledge that it's there. Still, I feel better knowing that each day, I'm striving hard to get there and I'm getting there. To the point wherein I don't have to justify my wrong actions by saying that I'm not perfect because I'm just human and it's in my nature. We are all works in progress, still being chiseled by God through  trying circumstances. (And I'm not referring, in a biased manner, only to the God that I believe in but to a God that each one of us personally believe in, no matter what religion you're in.) Perhaps, somewhere deep inside me was the hope that the world isn't or need not be just about strife, insecurity, corruption, betrayal, conflict, war, etc. That we can choose to help each other by accepting one another's differences as well as flaws and to forgive even if it's hard. I cannot speak for myself because I've been through times(and I still am going through times) wherein I still find it hard to forgive, but at least I can try to be that person. We all can. Living in this world taught me great things, having met various kinds of people taught me greater things but most importantly, believing in God  taught me the greatest things.

"He replied, 'Whether he is a sinner or not, I don't know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!'"
-John 9:25 (NIV)

An afterthought just came to me after writing this. If you're on your death bed or breathing your final breath, would you be brave enough to say you lived and not just existed? Moreover, would you be brave enough to confidently face your Creator knowing you lived for others and not just for your self? Just a thought.

Burn them
The letters I gave
You never read them anyway
Burn them
The poems I made
It was all a part of yesterday

You never knew
How much every word meant to me
More than it ever did to you
You never knew
How every response you say
Is silence, to me,
Easily blown by the wind away.

Unread them, unremember,
If possible.
I do not want to remember
How foolish I was to write you
All of my heart
In pieces of paper.

Being at a certain place
And at a certain spot
And imagining yourself
To not be there
And watch from a corner
How humans
Attack each other
With diabolical thoughts
And spiteful intentions.

The stillness amuses me
The stopping of time
A moment of your own-
on your own.

Trapped within the white walls
Of a place for the sick
A place for the sick?
I already died.

I killed myself inside-
A long time ago.
The pretty red liquid flows
Invisible to the eye
I killed myself inside.

Tempted but scared
To pick the last petal
Of the bleeding rose.

So I looked for other flowers
To preoccupy my mind
"Think happy thoughts"
Is what they say
As I greedily and desperately gasped for air
And wished for the numbing sensation to subside.

All I want is an escape
To never think at all
Think of happy thoughts, you say?
The happy thoughts were my downfall.

I stared at you
You stared at me
And from those stares
A spark
Why in silence
we connect
Though we are apart?

Why, from a million stars
How can it be
that my heart beats only for one?
Or am I just hoping?
Yes, maybe, I'm dreaming
To grasp a love
That seemed so far.

I feel so envious
That you do not feel
What I feel as I look above
I tell the skies
"Am I in love
or is this just another door left ajar?

And from those eyes of yours
Tell me now
Do you feel the same way I do?
If not so,
Suffer me not
let me go
Or tell me the truth.

I thought of ways to tell you
I wasn't ready yet
To move on is to walk away
From all the memories I kept.
Each day I lie and tell myself
It's easy to forget
But it's easier to pretend
When it's harder to forget.

I see you now with her
And fooled myself, "I'm fine"
But in my heart,
With a mind of its own, it thought,
"My chapter is now over
While yours has just begun."

I fell on my footsteps,
T'is where I failed to see,
That beneath that charming vision,
Lies a painful reality.

Murmured your love upon her ears,
Causing her to falter whenever you are near,
T'was her mishap to have waited for years,
Now all that is left is a grin and tears.

Love, indeed, is a splendid thing,
Yet who else when love fails are you to cling?
You, my dear, are my wish supreme
And no more greater than a dream.

Blind me
So that I may no longer see
The memories in my mind
Playing on repeat.
Defean me
So that I may no longer hear
Your voice that holds a promise of eternity
I tried to close my ears.
Make me forget
How we loved each other
Long time ago
Long before the day was too bright and the night too dark
For a child filled with uncertainty and fears.
Make me forget
How each word you said
Meant everything to my dying and shattered heart.

Unshed, my tears are
But my heart knows better
Even when I try to convince my mind
That it doesn't matter
But it does
It always does
When I remember
How much we have loved each other
Long ago.

You talk behind my back
And I act like I don't know
I have lost so many things in life
I don't want to lose you, too
Your words are unspoken
Yet how can they still be so painful?
They stab me over and over
Every night
Whilst crying myself to sleep
Eagerly waiting for daylight
Hoping, praying
That the light might penetrate the darkness
That has been consuming me
The moment you left
The moment I left
The moment.
We're all waiting for that moment
For you to come after me
For I to come after you
360 degrees
Of you
And me
Chasing tails
In a neverending circle.

I lived my life with a lie
Saying im ok when I'm not fine
I was never raised with love
I was left, without a single goodbye.


How can you think of your own pain?
And never thought that we'd be suffering
I loved but my love was all in vain
Because after all, you left my heart dying.


You were supposed to be there
Through my trials that were neverending
Now tell me, who could actually bear
Seeking for guidance, knowing there is nothing?


But He came into my life and made me see
There is more to life than pain and misery
He died in the cross for our sins
Now, I am forgiving you for the glory of the King.


You could've been a better father to us
But instead, you left inflicting me your sin
But I am not letting myself lose trust
You may have left, but He came, Blessed be His name!


I will grow up living in His glory
I will grow up creating another story
This time, it will be of a perfect family
Who will never be left out but loved for eternity.

I see your face in every person I meet
In the street
And I wonder,
“Do you see the same?”
I can still hear you call my name
As I turned to look at you,
You smiled.
There’s still a trace of that smile
Somewhere deep within my memories it lies.
Buried but not forgotten.
How can I forget
When you make me want to remember?
Your smile has always been that trigger.
But it was really the silence.
The silence that spoke a lot of things.
That pulled me closer.
It is what I choose to remember.
You, standing across from me, not saying a single word,
Only smiling.
But right then and there,
You inaudibly uttered a million things in my heart.
And I chose to remember.
Because losing someone doesn’t always mean you have to forget.

It is something I will always remember.
The low rumble of her laugh while she’s talking,
The effort to contain
the excitement in her voice,
The sheer joy evident
through her dark-lined eyes,
almost disappearing to a slit.
She’s a work of art, really.
She can smile with her eyes.
A beauty yet to be discovered by many
for it is hidden
behind all the society’s preferences
of what beauty is
or should be.
Better that way for hers is
an unconventional beauty.
The kind that can only be
seen and described by poetry.
The kind that doesn’t have to
be known by the world
But should be.
It is true.
That in places people tend to not look,
There is beauty.

Is missing you the same as missing the memories of you?
Or am I fooling myself once again by believing I do?

Side by side we lie on the rooftop
The night sky, our neverending ceiling
I don't know why I suddenly thought then
Maybe I should write a poem again.

Can we stare at the stars like the sun won't appear?
Can we just forget the world and lay here?
I dread for the day to come and the sun to rise
For I know that tonight is our temporary paradise.

Our heads just barely touching, an inch of space in between
Our hearts trying to reach out but our minds hesitating
It is not a cruel fate nor a cruel life
If I was allowed even just for a moment to have you by my side.

To fall asleep
Out of exhaustion
From all the muffled screaming
And overflowing tears
That drained your energy
To fall asleep
Knowing
You would rather not wake up
For eternity
To fall asleep
And dream
Of you and me
When we were still together
To fall asleep
In a heartbeat
I'd do it just to see you again.
But I am awake
And I am in pain
And this is reality
So I must stay awake
And hold on
And fight the impulse
To fall asleep
Once again.

I wish.. I hope.. I dream..

I wish
To evaporate
Into the books I have read
And movies I have watched
And to escape life
The healthiest and least sinful way possible.

I hope
To be understood
Accepted, forgiven, and loved
Though flawed
Who wouldn't want to be loved?

I dream
To write a book
Inspire
And cause happiness
To grow as a woman
Who not just sees
But sees through
Everything.