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perhaps the reason why I could never stray away from u
was that you became the catalyst to my discovery of being alive
being alive without restrictions or repercussions
u led me to a point where i was ready to watch my world burn
so that i could see through the smokescreens
and for once and for all , live out the small percentage of having my true freedom

i felt like Maddie, watching you through my phone screen and getting so oddly fascinated by our differences
i only worried about you feeling sorry for myself
but you never made it obvious or real

You didn't save me- you simply were.

when we sat across each other at the table, and you were busy telling me the origins of your name, your likes and dislikes,
your friends and the upcoming party ,
deja vu visited me and said 'do u feel familar?'
i knew this was inevitable now


few first moments of seeing each other in person and we made out in your corridor
i met you 43 full moons ago
half drunk and heartbroken that i was trapped forever
in my small little world
now im the small little being in the big large world

i was cautious and plain and perfect
i now only see beauty and lessons i've gained

i often see you in my dreams
we meet in my messy,cozy room
but you're always telling me something interesting
while i tell myself how to stop thinking about your hands on my face

you were the last matchstick i somehow found
to re kindle my candle that was supposed to be covered in dust
and i happily revel in the warm wax melting through my gullibilty.

"Be careful because once you become a part of the world it becomes a part of you, too?
Because there’s no denying it now. I’m in the world.

And, too, the world is in me."
(excerpts from the book-'everything,everything')
when you meet new parts of yourself in someone, and those new parts can no longer sit still and observe any longer, you realise you can never go back, because if you did, you would never know what it ever feels like to be truly alive.
Azelea V Aug 2024
I dream of too much
I take deep breathes
I wish for so much
I close my eyes and pray

I always think about how the stars are connected to the cells in my body
One of them dies and another is born
My neck is cramped from looking up at the sky every chance I could get

Sometimes I think "What a marvelous world we live in"
and then I get into my existential bubble because my mind simply couldn't comprehend the depth of God

But I am glad to hear my heartbeat
I am glad to feel my heart break
For this world is but a fragment of My imagination
and I am part of it after all

So how could you every expect me to shrink my heart
when there is nothing small about me?
Azelea V Aug 2024
Tarot cards tell me you're mine
The mind and heart are always in a war
We both pretend we're fine
But I know we'd rather make out in the bar

Over cherry lime and whiskey
You won't have to be alone again
these mind games are so silly
Can we just touch and not refrain ?

I plead for moments with you to the stars
We are akashic soulmates
Unbound by time, space and the deep blue
Tied to each other with the red string of fate

Our heartbeats would synchronize with the way the stars dance in the sky
Every word unsaid would still paint the sky pink with its depth
And each kiss would make the oceans dry up
Our sense of belonging to each other would put the compass to
shame
soulmates
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."-Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince.
Azelea V Aug 2020
Love scares me
You reveal parts of me that recklessly try to hide in plain sight
But you are so soft
Pure laughter from your lips
Your eyes forgive my mistakes so easily
I don’t know how to hide

Life is sweeter with you
Like the sweetness you taste from honey
In the warmest and richest way possible
Nourishment for the soul
Unlike the sweetness from plain sugar
Forcefully sweet and cold
An antidote rather than an elixir

Your words caress me
Like the wind blowing the washed clothes dry
Sunlight dripping in every thread woven
The faint scent of detergent smiling
Unlike the loud laundry dryers
Buzzing with wrath and fury
Demanding the water to vanish at once


I like your smile that brings your whole face together
Almost like how pizza is made complete with spread and toppings
It’s beautiful but satisfying  
Cherry on top of the cake
It makes my heart flutter and melt
Like cheese dripping out from yummy corn dogs
Messy but so so lovely

I love everything about the way it is with you
Head to toe
Limbs to fingers
Lips to chin
A portrayal of being in love with a person .
Azelea V Aug 2024
Time and us grew up together
I've always known about your existence
But our timelines danced the dance of fate, or destiny, you call it
When you came into my timeline
I saw stars and galaxies
Which are only seen in the dark night

I wonder too, that when I appeared in yours,
did you see bright sunsets and clouds?
timeline dancers
Azelea V Aug 2020
I sat with my grief long enough
To be at peace with her
Asked her how she came to live with me
She replies with a simple answer
I am the product of your lovely heart
The heart that allowed itself to be touched,broken and mended.
I asked if she would leave soon
She replied, so as long as love lies inside,
I will also be.

I sat with my pain , who looked wrung out and bled profusely
I offered a cloth to stop the bleeding
But she refused to take it, said she didn’t want to heal
I then proceeded to ask her why she stayed
She starts to cry aloud and shows me her wounds
When I looked carefully I saw that they were bind with heaps of memories and guilt
I slowly took a deep breath and untangled the rusted chains of guilt one by one
The beads of memories were tightly wrapped between the chains
It took me a thousand tries to untangle the mess
But when I finally did, my pain stopped bleeding . She took a breath of relief and thanked me for it
The next morning she left and replaced herself with wisdom

I also sat with my insecurities
We sipped a cup of warm chamomile
When it was all calm, I began to ask her
How and why she became a part of me
She looked afraid and shaken for a while
Then she whispered and told me
It was because the world had distorted my own perception of myself, that she was born and grew to be a part of me
I did not want to kick her out so harshly, lest she be filled with more fear
So I gave her a pat on the hand and kissed her gently
Told her she need not grow any longer
And asked her to become my best friend
I was no longer ashamed to be with her nor was she with me,
And this is how I found a home inside myself.
Azelea V Aug 2024
I searched for God
and I saw babies and children
smiling and sleeping their way through time.

I searched for God
and I saw dogs on the streets
wagging their tails to strangers.

I searched for God
and I came across humans
helping other humans who could not return the favor

I searched for God
and I saw the stars
twinkling their way through the cosmos
every night, dying and rebirthing

Finally I searched for God
and I felt my own heartbeat
refusing to ever give up no matter what
beating consistently to the tune of life
i dont have a religion
they see your light
luminescent and burning with pale shades of pink and orange
they love to bask in its warm glow
but they could never sustain it so far

silly girl, always mistaking her own reflection as another's glow
when will you ever learn?

perhaps when your whole world is dim enough
and all the mirrors have fogged up
you will trace that sliver of light
on your own fingertips
in the iris of your eyes

painful, but necessary for you to finally realise
you are what you seek in everything.
23 was a year of losing people and things and learning new paradigms, I wished for some moments to end but in the end I found something better than rubies and diamonds.

— The End —