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 Jan 2017 Zealousy
Dawn Treader
Meds
 Jan 2017 Zealousy
Dawn Treader
This current state of being,
A byproduct of my upbringing,
To a shred of sanity I'm clinging.
I'm condemned, I am ******
It's not like this was planned.

Those pesky chemicals are a torrential rain,
Carried 'round by cerebrospinal fluid in the brain,
Are unbalanced, unregulated. I am agitated.
Emotions now unchained.

The feelings I suppressed
Now a hysterical, pathetic, crying mess
This silent monster is cunning and bold
Has defiantly stepped over my mental threshold
The more I try to ignore
The more intense the outpour

The heart drops into the stomach,
Unpleasant pulsating in my ear canal
I tremble uncontrollably
I obsess over thoughts until they nauseate me

Down a rabbit hole I'm going
Due to insufficient dopamine and serotonin
The ideas of inadequacy and failure are growing

As logical a girl I am
To these irrational thoughts I am ******,
I attempt to talk myself out of it
But my reasoning just won't fit
No matter how hard I try
I cannot find a reason why...

At this point my heart is racing
From the epinephrine rush, I am pacing
Back and forth across the floor
In and out the bedroom door

You have no idea how happy I'd be
To have a life of "normalcy"
No matter how much I plead and plead
This quiet monster won't take its leave
At my wit's end, my sanity's gone,
I'm all out of my Buproprion.
A typical anxiety attack, it is so hard to explain to people.
 Jan 2017 Zealousy
Anomaly
Its weird getting new shoes , i either like them immediately or it takes time

our friendship is like converse , it took time
but i loved how easily it could be washed , even after a muddy climb
i mean slowly i realized that with every wash the color faded a bit
i didnt mind the change in color , becuase its a good shoe
then holes and rips developed and maybe my feet grew
I got tired of the stitches and glue
its not that i dont like you
its just its ******* me too

I had an interesting trip
To realize friendship is endship
Part 2 of 2
 Jan 2017 Zealousy
Anomaly
Converse
 Jan 2017 Zealousy
Anomaly
my phone for hours was dead
social anxiety had me in bed
my parents told me to answer the main door
your eyes filling with tears more and more
I gave you comfy clothes to wear
cuddles to show i care
I put your keys out of sight
so you wouldnt runaway at night
I put my newest shoes on your bare feet

So I ask "why did you throw the converse on the street?"
This is part 1
 Dec 2016 Zealousy
liebling
I can't tell why
I'm crying
anymore

Where are my tears coming from?
Are they coaxed out by the fingers down my throat, coming up with the acids in my stomach?
Or are they because of the pain leading me to do this to myself?

Blurring things together,
Making my reflection as distorted
and fat
and bloated
as I am in my mind

I can feel the flesh settled on my bones.
The fat waiting there,
wishing I could skim it off with a knife
I know it must be as soft
as butter

why am I doing this
why am I crying
why am I killing myself from the inside

I can't tell why
I'm dying
anymore
12/29/2016
 Dec 2016 Zealousy
muteD
F
A
L
L
I
N
G
that’s what i feel.
that’s what i’ve always felt.
like i was
falling
O
U
T
of a plane.
free falling , hoping the ground would be my knight in shining armor
and catch me.
i feel like i’ve been knocked off
O
F
my guard. i’m confused.
who are you?
who is “me”?
what are we?
are we in
L
O
V
E**
?
and if so, why does it feel
like this?
like i can’t catch my breath?
like i’m drowning?
like i’m dying?
what is this “love”?
and why does it hurt?
I've fallen out of of love with the love of my life. Read "Slowly" for more detail.
 Dec 2016 Zealousy
Eric Martin
I am an escape artist
When things are bleak I work the hardest
In my mind I escape the farthest
I only go out side for ideas to harness

Just another day
Feelings of not being ok
In my mind I slip away
Where I can breath and play

I think I will take all of my fears
The ones building up for years
Distort them until colour appears
Or until music  hits my ears

Every one out side is trying to get in to find some thing to shatter and break
I feel like my passions are at stake
Even though the ground is starting to shake
To get in here allot of that it would take
No matter what I am going to keep on dreaming even though you want me to wake

The world is crumbling down
Because you are never around
Your not free in your mind; you are bound
You are lost and may never be found
In your mind you will drowned
This was going to be a song but then I got lazy and instead of making a perfect chorus I decided it would be less work to write lines that don't repeat... I don't know how this is less work but it feels like it is.
 Dec 2016 Zealousy
Allison
I know beautiful words in my brain but I don't know how to say them.
I dream of changing the world with my actions but I don't know how to do them.
I desire an immaculate form of love but I don't know how to find it.
I wish to make art for a living but I don't know how to support myself.
I want to change someone's life but I don't know how to influence people.

It's okay I will continue to sit here and be a useless student.

A student who wishes to learn how to make the world love me.
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