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Zay Jan 2015
I look back at the past
When we were in love
I really thought we'd last
I thought we'd make it past
Past all the bumps in the road
Past all the **** people spoke
our way.

Anyway,
If anyone should've asked
I would've responded right away
"He is the one. Forever he will stay"

I glance at the pillow beside me
Awakened for a new day
That pillow which lingers of your smell
Where your head would gently lay
As you wrapped your arms around me
Washing all of life's troubles away

But I knew our love was lethal
We were deadly.
We were toxic
Our love was out of this world
We were magic.
We were cosmic
We drained each other for all we had
We were selfish.
We were ironic
To love someone and leave them with nothing.
That which is tragic.

They say time heals all wounds
I could've spent a lifetime
Mourning over you
And for a while I was numb
My heart felt nothing
I was nothing.

But I've finally learned to feel again
To glance at the sky and smile
But I'd do it all over again
If it means having you around for a while.
"Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Zay Jan 2015
I will be patient
I will be kind
I will gain
My peace of mind

I will not judge
I will not cheat
I will live
A life complete

I will be happy
I will be serene
I will keep a heart
So pure, so clean

I will accomplish
I will strive
I will persevere  
I will thrive

I will be impartial
To all mankind
I will gain
My peace of mind
Inspired by Lauryn Hill.
  Jan 2015 Zay
Tide Islands
It’s that month again where everything’s frozen.
The earth, the air—it’s like time is broken.
I tell myself I just have to make it through one more January.
Then maybe I’ll be okay in the arms of February.
March will soon pass, carrying with it the Spring.
Perhaps the tears of April shall return my wings.
May will twist its roots through the damp earth.
Then June shall arrive and Summer will give birth
to the heat of July and a sky, cloudless blue.
I’ll be thinking of August, the month I first kissed you,
and remembering those years we spent together.
So long, yet so short, but somehow felt like forever.
Again it will be September, the month of your accident.
It was that same Fall, we found out I was pregnant.
Through October, I’ll build nothing but dread.
By the time November comes, I’ll be halfway dead.
December is preparation not for a beginning, but an end.
The cold Winters of January will return once again.
That was the month I lost you and our baby.
Time hasn’t healed me; every day feels like January.
But I promised myself I would make it through.
I must conquer each January. I must continue;
I am much unwell every January. I may not post for a while.
For sure, something will be posted on the 19th.

01.01.15
(It's weird writing the year...***)
© J.E. DuPont
Zay Jan 2015
I wish I wasn't shy
I wish I could be myself
I wish they could see
I'm just like everyone else

I wish I could share my thoughts
I wish I could speak my mind
But the harder I try
The more my tongue is twined

I wish I was transparent
So people could see
That the wall I put up
Is just for security.

I come off as distant
I come off as aloof
But take a look in my heart
And you will find proof.

I am no different than you.
Zay Jan 2015
I was taught to never speak to boys, to avoid them completely, in order to obtain a clean reputation.

When in reality, I will eventually end up sleeping next to one for the rest of my life.

I was taught to never raise my voice, that a girl should always be quiet and respectful to others.

When in reality, I never learned how to stand up for myself.

I was taught that parents always knew what's best.

When in reality, I question their decisions everyday, wishing I had taken more control of my life growing up.

I was taught many things that I find to be far from real.

Each lesson emerging to me from beneath the false truth.

But I was also taught many ideas that still stand with me today.

I was taught to feel beautiful in my own skin.

I was taught to always be grateful, regardless of my status.

I was taught to love, to share, to understand, to care.

And it's lessons like these that have guided me through the darkest tunnels of life.
For a long time I struggled with the differences between the ideas that I was taught as a child, and the realities of life.
Zay Dec 2014
Bryan,
The only boy
Who had me cryin'
Tears of joy.

The only man
Who took the time
To understand
My complex mind.

The only guy
Who looked at me
From the inside out
Not the ouside in.

Bryan,
I'm sorry for lyin'
And leaving you behind
When you were nothing but kind
To a selfish girl like me
Our love was a bittersweet tragedy.
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