missing you
or missing the memories.
The loving looks,
the long nights,
the never ending drives.
I miss your attention
our daily check ins
our "step by step".
But something
interrupted my love
for you.
I still don't know what
why
or how.

It's too easy to talk to you
you know me
you know my emotions

I wish you did.
The line will be drawn
and I'll let go
I feel it all
But nothing.
at this point
In time
I want more
Nothingness.
I've never
craved numbness.
But I get it now.
It's peaceful
Less chaotic,
but underwhelming.

By death
Distance
Desire
Loss
By proximity
Purpose
Passion
Presence
Loss
By curiosity
Amusement
Loss
By anger
Manipulation

numb
so alone
yet so surrounded
support.
These words
feel rusted.
It's been awhile
Since my fingers
felt the keys
like this.
I wish to cry
like I know to do
but brain
Is paused.
Feelings feel
clear,
nowadays a blur.

I know my strength
but it feels transparent.
I know my worth
But it feels meaningless.
I'm here in the present
But my heart
Replays the past.
Everything is put
on hold
But time won't stop
So I cannot.