It's 10 P.M.
While my earphones are stuck in my ears for 3 hours,
I waited to hear your name clash between the lyrics of the song I am listening to
As the singer tune his mood out of every metaphor he says,
You are all I see, all I hear, and all I care
I thought of the Pacific Ocean and the moon
How both beautiful beings had never collided and I thought of us
I thought of how I always wanted to intertwine your big tanned hands to mine
But then I also realized that it was just friendly messages you give me and that you thought of intertwining your hands with someone, but not me.
I wept;
your name echoed along the rivers of my tears and it felt absolutely painful
I imagined your crooked smile,
how it shines while it looked at me when you haven't had a clue about what I felt.
And then suddenly you knew,
and it was painful again
and I was crying again
and my heart still echoed for your touch, I don't know why
The singer says I should hold on,
never should I stop believing that I could be yours, and that we could be together
But then the teacup of my feelings broke when the earthquake of your response punched through my heart and wobbled my hands until I can no longer hold the teacup.
My hearts aches again.
I remember your sweet scent,
and when you call me and I glance at you, I see bubbles and sparkles
And maybe everything nice, including you.
But I'm sad, because anxiety took over me and you couldn't save me, I know you wouldn't want to save me. Because it's such a pain, it's too much effort and you don't like that, so you decided to put ice cold packs in your messages and reply with dull words.
And my heart aches again, and this time, it's much painful.
I've always wanted to bear your name,
carve it to my heart and claim it mine
But to think that your rainbow-colored smile and tanned skin would not belong to me,
I stopped, let anxiety took over
And gave you all up.

you carved your name into my heart
painlessly opening your way
I couldn't let go
I couldn't let you go

You see, I've liked you for months now. The moment I shared my birthday celebration with you, I realized I like you. As days progress, I've become more attached, more greedy and more selfish. I wanted you more today than how much I wanted you yesterday. But the moment I felt I needed you no matter what insane thoughts and graveyard closed curtains, I saw you happy with another maiden. Your smiles was thousands times more beautiful than when you are with me. It shines brighter and radiates a light only both of you can immense on your own. I've become envious and started doubts. You only look at them, not me. I had wished for you, your smile, your touch and your sweetness, I want to have them all. You are my first evil, dark  loathing desires that had

But this maiden is my friend. So I've come to a conclusion that I'll thank you but I'll also say sorry because I'd rather give you up, a door of lost keys and wonderland, than to lose a friend with stars blink through our night.

I love you, but I'd still hope you too.

You are my journey,
You are my goal

I aspire to be you,
I had hoped to have you

In my twinkling memories your light I only see,
I only want you to be with me

My desires grow stronger.
Before I sleep, I think of you a little longer
Eating away my hunger
But maybe feeling a whole lot bitter.

When I'm with you,
I think of nothing new
If only you could say "I love you"
These things might be too good to be true

The daylight in my heart wanders as I see you smile
It feels as if it's for you, I could cross a thousand mile
The bliss of your eyes left me beguiled,
I just hope it wouldn't last for a while

The way your voice echoes at the sound of my name
Lingers in my head; desire grew stronger; monster I cannot tame
This war is a game I never wanted to aim
"Please make it stop, this is too lame"

But the sense of your skin as it touches mine,
Makes me want to hope I could spare some more time
And through daytime,
My mind jumps through things I call them "sign"

How I am when I'm with you,
A scar of nothingness and color blue
Then a spur of blood and anger I don't want you to view
Scares me to death, I might even break you too.

I didn't know it was possible
Your name keeps ringing in my head
Breaking through my heart like it's the most fragile thing you've ever handled
You swayed my feelings, looking through my soul as if it was yours
You made me think that it's possible to be with you
Until I start hallucinations,
And when I lose track of time,
I realize....
I like you.

a monster
residing deep within
kept her at bay;
made her weak;
peeled her heart;
crushed her soul;
added anxiety
worsen depression;
when actually all this time,
she was fighting herself