We were young only you were older
Friends in a different country
Pushed together by parents and language
I was young, young enough to not worry about the way I look, who likes me and who does not
We played a lot
Even barbies your sister and I like
We had family barbecues, outings, swimming–adventures
I told you I loved adventures
You told me you love a girl who loves adventures
I told you I was scared you told me
You like a girl who was scared
You pushed my back  to take me closer to the clouds telling me to hold on to the swings
You were the best friend I had for a summer
three summers to be exact
Then one summer you confessed that it was I you liked
I admit my palms got sweaty and my heart rushed
I was scared
Because earlier that day my family teased me that you were my boyfriend
And I, being young, did not want that
I turned you down
Then stayed from a distance
Then when I grew up a little I would wonder why my cheeks would blush in the thoughts of you
I liked you too but I would never admit that
Then, your mom said you already had a girlfriend
We talked again you said it was true
You said she was pretty that you liked her
But what shocked me is when you told me I was beautiful
But that was how our story ended
Because you had to go away and I, was always traveling
But today made me wonder of you

I worry about goodbyes

Maybe too often that I cause them

I always wonder
When
    Why
        How
           Where

How I would be left behind in my own shadow realm
Embracing solitude
How cold my nights would be without your presence's warmth
And until when would I reminisce every memory we once shared

And what would I do if you never stopped me from leaving when I did was want you to

But in the end I wouldn't care

All there is to blame would be me, myself and I

As it passes,
one fears being forgotten
by the one who means most

clinging she was
to the hope that he hasn't
though doubts enclose her mind
she continues to believe
even without guarantee

she missed him,
probably more than he ever will with her
and it hurt
for all she wanted was to be home
in the arms of someone
who
might
not
feel
the
same

You did nothing wrong
You shouldn't be sorry for something you cannot control

To my sweetheart
who has that perfect set of pearly whites
who likes to smile with chocolate on her teeth
just to make us smile and give a laugh

The girl who always wants to be in the middle
Who has loads of stories to tell
The girl filled with insecurities
about her nose, height and at times, her hair

This lovely girl
who likes to read stories
loves to eat chocolates
and is fund of taking selfies

She needs love
And gives it too
She's talkative and smart
Frank yet true

She's sad at home
Seeking for the affection
of her families attention
She needs a listener so we'll be here

And the truth is she is not ugly
In the eyes of many,
She is pretty
Having the radiant smile
Her best friends love

She's not bad
But she is human.
She's frank at times,
Weird at most moments
But they all loved her anyway

She's been through a lot
I've understood that she,
Is a strong young beautiful woman
Whom not all can understand.

That is life.
Not all can be understood.
She's one of the unique souls,
Ever rarely found.

But in the arms of her loving friends
That rare unique soul shall be held on to and loved.

• That moment when you fought and fought to keep things whole.
But it still wasn't enough because you were alone.
• the story of you and me.

I don't like dreams
For they are full of lies
Making you hope and feel this delight

Then when you wake up
It makes you yearn for it to be true

Such blissful vivid scenes
Such cruel jokes

I want a love that would go a long way.
Maybe forever is a lie but then we'll discover everyday—everyday falling in love deeper and deeper.
I want us to break down boundaries,
establish realities then maybe, in the future, have a family.
I want our love to be different.
It may not be as sweet nor poetic as others are but with you I know everything will be fine.
I want to prove something, not just words.
Never mind their stares let them see our flames.
Let them burn at our intensity, let them envy our fervor.
I want you to be mine and mine alone.
I want you to
pull me closer
grip me tighter
maybe kiss me someday

O my love let me drown you in the ocean of my undying love.
Let me be your north star as you voyage in these waters.
Your anchor holding you in place when all the world is in chaos.
Your lullaby filling you with pleasant dreams.
Your wings letting you soar the skies.

I don't know where we stand
But still you hold my hand
What are we, really?
Why can't you say it freely?
I'm stuck up in my head with my thoughts
Words forming knots
For there's nothing like us
I don't want to make a fuss
But I've never felt this way
My heart is starting to betray
These rules I've cast upon my walls
With just a look from you it sprawls
Should I stop?
Should I bear these teardrops?
Or would you let me stay?
Even if your friend's looks could slay
Tell me what you feel
I'll let you heal
I'll be your fortress
Don't let me go on wordless
I don't want to lose you
Or gray would be the only hue
On this upside down world
Where people's smiles are crookedly curled
I'm scared and so are you
But I'll be selfish cause I don't want to lose the view
Of that **** beauty
So I'll make you smile daily like its my duty
I want answers
But I should mind my manners
I respect what you say
But why leave it that way?
You got broken
Now accept my token
It's my love and I'm sorry
For I cannot carry
This name undefined
But I know our hearts are combined
Even without words said
The thing is I don't know if its all in *my head

I have these wishes that appear to never get fulfilled

Not when I wanted to be happy,
not when I wanted to be okay

I wanna know why
Why is it always like this because right now all I want and
God knows how much

I wish to unmeet you
But then again, things would never be like this if I didn't

And the worst part is I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing at all

I am falling
Hopelessly and madly
I hear you calling
And I want to be with you badly
Every second, every hour of everyday
I'm hoping that someday, we may
Hold hands while we walk
Maybe steal kisses while we talk
Oh darling don't you forget
Please never regret
Know you are daily missed
I'm holding on to what you promised
And Also believing
Don't waste what I'm giving
A chance
To be my last dance
Through this fascinating circumstance
Of finding our own romance
You are my anchor
To questions, are my answer
You keep my head in a cloud
Never realized how this could be loud
You let me sink in the depths of your love
Maybe in the future we'll be releasing two doves
You're my enigma
My island made with cooled magma
So mysterious, so unique
My thoughts are quite often oblique
But like I said
Love is never looking behind but traveling ahead

till then my love, I wish you good night
let you heart filled with fright
be free to soar and gleam
*I'll be watching, seeing every beam

It's sad how I realize it was always them , you and me– never just the two of us.

And there's this sense of uneasiness by just the mention of that name,
a name I so badly want to bury and remember no more
just one look and we both know
who it is that still lurks in the depths of your mind

People question things they do not know, I guess that's why they're so curious about us

If you were here,





*God, I just wish you are.

His are the arms that makes me feel like I am home
His are the lips I wouldn't mind kissing everyday
He is the one I would like to spend my future with

I asked you to talk to me, to call me today.
I said I was going to tell you something.
You didn't care, you took your time.
I got tired of waiting and I just told you.
He said he loved me, love.
He said he was serious. He said that I deserve to be loved.
I don't understand why I feel like he shouldn't.
he loves me
he loves me
he's been telling me everyday
*he's been showing it in any way

I know you'll never
notice my stares
guess my thoughts
How come my eyes are sore
when they became like that

But I admit these scars, are getting deeper.

Mistake after mistake
I promise I have no intention on hurting anyone
I was protecting sometime I had
And I guess I lost it too
I don't want any trouble
I don't want things like these
So from now on I'll keep these things to myself.

my heart hurts*

and i'm afraid that
that would be the last thing it does

they say they miss me
but no one will do anything about it

someday I will wake up next to you.

oh my, how lovely that sounds
how warm it feels around my heart

someday we won't have to hide.

with me holding your hand as strangers pass by
with me kissing your lips without fear, without second thoughts.

someday we wont have to face the distance

we can finally be together
finally free from their grasp

**but util that someday, I'll have to bear the emptiness when you are gone, the dread of you not being around, and the pure bliss of you finally coming home to me.

I might explode
For i love you too much
I might burst from the hurt that i bear
But i don't care
I know i'm young
Too young to know if this is true
But i just know it in my gut
I would never leave
Unless you ask me too
I may get tired but if you love me back
You would cheer me on
Give me strength to bear the pain in return for loving you
I was broken or so i am because of you
Everytime you come so close you still feel so far.
I might explode
But i know you wouldn't care

I know I promised I would never
Never fall for you
Never be jealous of people who come near you
Never feel weary of the uncertainty
Never leave
But I did fall for you, everyday
I was jealous for they could still touch the one I treasure beyond myself, they could hear the thoughts of your beautiful mind
They could see the things I saw that made me love you even more
And I know I can't force you to stay
But I want you to
I know I shouldn't but I find myself unsure
I know I said I would never leave but I fear that my love for you may be too intense that it wouldn't just break you, it would destroy me
I'm scared beyond reason
Uncertain of what I should do
For I am breaking torn between two
It would hurt me to see you hurt
But it's pain that eats me up when you're getting father away
I guess I'm left with the choice
Of staying and bearing the grief
Or leaving and destroying myself

You don't have to say the words i want to hear
You don't have to the things that would please me
I'm not one to judge I know
But sometimes I do
And so do you too
I won't care as much probably
If you didn't do the things you do
Or say the things you say
I've learned not to depend my happiness on people that could take it away
Because if I do, with you gone, it would take my heart too
I won't please you either for I have grown tired
Tired of not being enough
Tired of doing wrong things for your perspective that are not for mine
I am enough and I am worth it
I may not be for you but for someone else maybe I could be.
I was made and born to existence
I was well taken cared of not for you to bring me down but for me to be better
Better than who I am each passing day
Better that who I was in the past
I am me
And you are you
I won't mind you if you don't mind me
We are separate and thats how it should be

This is the temptation of barely holding yourself together.
This is the pain you feel when you find out the truth.
That no one would choose you.
No one would love you as much as you thought they would.
Friends don't turn their backs on friends and neither do they make you feel alone in a crowd.
They don't turn cold and choose a side. But thats the problem.
Are they true?
Truth hurts are the true realization even more.
I'm broken and tempted but I'm barely holding on to my last hope.
I know now why people said those mean things about them— about us. They're partly true now that I realized that.
No one will save the other no one will care.
I'm alone and I know it.
Shun by the world I've known.

I have no time for fair weathered friends.
They don't deserve as much love I give my true ones.

I crave for your touch
Because when you hold me
The world stops
Everything is better
And the thoughts disappear

So please, come and save me

I fell in love with how the sun's rays caress the sky to which it will leave just to kiss the horizon that it will part from in morning's time.

Just like how I fell inlove with the sound of your voice in our 3 am calls
Ragged and husky just as you were to drift into a nights dream as if somehow caressing me to slumber as well

Its sad how so many people could be self conceded.
I admit I am sometimes too
But to create stories?
How low
How foolish
How weak
Sad person, full on imagination
Go write them on books
Not gossip about your made up world

*we are the main characters about our life but sometimes not everything would be about you

Hello, depression
you came back.

I didn't miss you
but I do remember you
quite too well.

I felt great when I was free of you
I was functioning, I was laughing
I was happy.

No, I do not need to be reminded of how worthless I am
The people who gave up on me have proved it all

No, I do not need to know how terrible I am
I see myself in the mirror everyday
I hide myself and my thoughts everyday

I do not need to know my flaws
because I already feel their presence even in silence
especially in silence

I despise you.
If you're going to **** me, do it quick
not creeping slowly when I'm silent, not when I'm alone, not when I wake up at 3 am, not when I still feel.
Do it. Please do **** me faster
so I'll be rid of you.

sadly, since you came back
words are hard to say
thoughts were hard to form

There are somethings only we know
Those hidden touch
Those forbidden vows
You are my secret not meant to be shared
I know its selfish but this I swear
I treasure you dearly
I wish you do the same
Words you've said spin in my head
Memories of you flash before my eyes
My skin still feels your touch that send tingles up my spine
I replay the whispers between us that sends butterflies amidst my stomach
I fear it may go far but at times i regret it didn't
This mind is in chaos
But one thing still remains clear
The picture of me and you.

Your words in forms of whispers
Replacing what I call music
Your breathing warm and deep
Serving as my source of air
Your arms that envelop me
Providing refuge
Your touch that with every linger it
burns
It leaves traces
along those places
a contingence

Something vivid
Something surreal
Something perfect; impeccable


But then at one moment my eyes started to flutter
The vision of you beside me
Disappeared
Then I realized
*I woke up

I remain awake in the dead of night
Holding tears and fear of sight
I cannot be silenced
says my mind with sirens

And I cannot be fixed
said by my heart with grief and anguish mixed

**I am dying slowly but surely

If only forever did last the way it was supposed to
We would have never said goodbye, we would have never broken it's rules
We would still be together and I-
I wouldn't have cast walls upon my heart
What if I made you stay
What if you didn't go
What if ...

*but thats the sad thing about if only's and what if's, its full of regret full of bitterness and full of  hope

You can never heal scars with words my love
So please don't say you're sorry
I just need time
And I'll be okay