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I helped build high walls
Set up defenses as well
Blocking out the pain
It worked for a bit
I don't need you
to question
my decisions,
as I do that
well myself,
a plethora of voices
to account for
no reaction,
maybe one
sanguine voice
will rise,
to drive a change
and take me away
from a desolate
morbid graveyard
to yet deserted
but pristine meadows,
with nothing but
a hope
to grow
rather than
just fade away,
and maybe
that is just enough.
The seed of all this indecision isn't me, I'm perfectly capable of making alright decisions.
Well, maybe not that often.  
But at least I'm in control.
maybe I saw her
at the laundromat
and just missed her,
I was looking for a change,
while she walked
away.
Now my life remains the same.

A cruel penny for my thoughts indeed.
please don't make me
another person you shove,
just let me be free,
out here learning to love.
Love isn't one of the most important lessons in life,
it is the trying
learning
failing
and starting back again.
my frantic anxiety used to wait for you,
now it just waits for a notification.
****, these notifications can **** you, in many ways.
seeing things I don't know,
learning things I won't remember
another year with nothing to show,
sitting through a bitter December.
Ah, it is that time of the year again. A flashback of all that was said and done, this one has been different in so many ways.
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