"unhealthily" poems
dear you,
i’m in love.
yes. you were
waiting, i
bet, for this.
this time, though,
it is not
what you would
think. it’s me
this time, not
you, although
it’s still you,
but not in
the way it
used to be
you. it’s my
fault this time,
my doing,
my painful,
pitiful,
suffering.
it’s you in
the sense that
i cannot
control you.
this time,
it’s your mind and your thoughts
the things that slip off of your tongue
the words you put, pencil to paper
the ideas that come out in your songs
it’s your eyes and your sight
the careful observation of beauty
the need to bask in warm, pure light
the stare you give me, rarely now
it’s your movements and your touch
the hugs where you grip my shoulders
the times where i’m drunk and playing with your fingers
the warmth you give off and your gorgeous smile
none of them
are mine to
have, to take
to keep, to
love, to break
i miss you
and to go
and detach
to break what
we have, that’s
the hard way
out. but i
am trying
to help me.
i feel the
same way i
did when you
said i was
wrong about
this. about
how i feel.
i’m hoping
disposing
myself of
you, means that
the dreams will
go away
too. but if
they stay,
i’ll give you
a quick call.
probably
a text, to
be honest.
i love you,
unhealthily,
with every
part of me.
keep in touch,
please.
love,
me.
Jul 4, 2018
Jul 4, 2018 at 10:10 AM UTC
As we begin at the starting line we know who's going to win
There's the white rabbit
Obnoxious,Cocky,A *****
Fueled by red bulls an monsters
He can barley be contained
Fur coat at attention
Like there's electricity in the air
But we're drawn to things with a flair
In our eyes his white coat nothing could compare
It's special
Then there's the turtle
Passive,majestic,shy,common
The underdog
We only like them when there's a chance they might win
It takes each step gracefully
Carefully, trying not to impress
It's been counted out shunned for its slowness
As the race begins the rabbit dashes away
Down the trail reaching its peak on the straight away
Not looking back
His speed unforgiven
Giving it the illusion of hovering off the ground
Not a sound heard as it flies by
The turtle still at the starting line
It's progress unhealthily
It to makes no sound
It's footsteps stealthy
But it stills marches on
The rabbit far ahead
Looses his sights that this is a race
He knows the turtle pace
He begins to dash around trees
Running in circles
His momentum makes the ground begins to give
making a donut effect
So detracted he begins to chase leafs
Caught in the wind
So burned out he crashes
Falls into a trance like slumber
As the turtle still moseying along
Moving at a records pace two steps per minute
Begins to catch up
Soon enough it passes the rabbit
Flabbergasted hes asleep
Quietly it sneaks away down the trail
Pace still two steps per minuet
As the race progresses the turtle has the finish line in sight
Thinking this is its moment
To shock the world
But it ain't over yet
The sleeping rabbit awakes
Yawning an switches its nose
Starts running again
He sees the turtle in his sights
Confused how this happened
There's no way he's going to lose
But fate was not on his side
As he widens it stride
Trying to catch up the turtle just near the finish line
One step and it's all over
And just as the rabbit catches up
It's too late
Jan 14, 2015
Jan 14, 2015 at 3:44 AM UTC
Take a drink everytime you find yourself absentmindedly hurting yourself (stop itching your scalp it isnt itchy blood its bleeding)
Take a drink everytime you can't get out of bed
Take a drink everytime you consider suicide (wouldn't be this tired anymore sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep)
Take a drink everytime you eat too much
Take a drink everytime you eat too little (I can see my ribs again bones bones bones bones bones)
Take a drink everytime you become unhealthily attached to someone
Take a drink everytime you feel alone (my friends don't seem to call anymore forgotten forgotten forgotten)
Take a drink everytime you isolate yourself from your friends
Take a drink everytime you hate your body (Its only flesh after all skin and bones bones and skin)
Take a drink everytime you compare yourself to your father
Take a drink everytime you can't turn off traumatic past experiences (when will they stop playing re-runs this show makes me sick get off of me get off of me get off)
Take a drink everytime you really are becoming your father
Take a drink everytime you blame yourself for not saying "no" or "stop" (he wouldn't have listened anyway too weak too weak too weak weak)
Take a drink everytime you forget to shower
Take a drink everytime you remember your ex too fondly (I am not your toy anymore I exist exist I do)
Take a drink everytime you acquire unhealthy coping mechanisms
Take a drink everytime you bottle things up (my therapist doesn't need to know how traumatized I am dont touch me dont touch me dont touch me dont)
Take a drink everytime you sleep the day away
Take a drink everytime something little sets you off (you just spilled some water, relax water water waterwater)
Take a drink everytime someone uses you to their advantage
Take a drink everytime you consider quitting your job (who needs money when you can be dead dead dead dead dead)
Take a drink everytime you consider dropping out of college
Take a drink everytime you get false hope that you'll get better (it always ******* comes back it always ******* comes back it always ******* comes back it always ******* comes back)
Feb 27, 2018
Feb 27, 2018 at 2:02 AM UTC
Life is like a Feelie Box
Guess what is inside
Faster, slower rusty clocks
Make your feelings hide
Squished together in my mind
Twisted path and sloping hill
In the well that's for the blind
Picture Buckets, sights to fill
Ironically The People talk
Cats and Dogs still cannot speak
Blackboard covered in white chalk
Molding youngins week by bleak
"Have no fear," The Doctor cries
The Farmer's crops are gone
Surround yourself in plastic lies
Pink flamingoes for the lawn
Night-time is dawning fast
Lights unhealthily they flicker
Make the day-time moon still last
While sunbeams can get sicker
Jul 20, 2010
Jul 20, 2010 at 11:30 AM UTC
S H O U T
your heart out.
release
all of your
unhealthily bottled-up
anger.
scream out
your frustrations,
slash the atmosphere
with your words.
and we will be here to take them all in.
Apr 13, 2015
Apr 13, 2015 at 5:59 AM UTC
sometimes when i think about being skinny
i get worried that if i ever do
i'll be one of those ugly skinny girls
instead of one of the pretty ones
and that would be terrible
i mean
isn't the object of the game
to be the highest
in demand
and if that doesn't work out
what do i do?
get fat again?
shoplift my features from a twisted magazine
in the media maven's fist?
yeah, that's a good idea.
**the problem is not that girls or guys are ugly and need to be prettier
the problem is on the inside of people's faces
i have begun to realize that this is not all their fault
we are desensitized from a young age
and though we might try to resist
television, facebook, tumblr
flashes us a picture of an unhealthily thin young woman
and tells us to strive to that standard.
even if you mock it
the image is in your head
and you begin to make small comparisons
i don't know if we can change our thinking anymore
people try, it hasn't worked very well
but WE CAN CHANGE the images that are put in our mind
for the people
by the people
rage against the barbie doll machine.**
Sep 25, 2013
Sep 25, 2013 at 11:34 PM UTC
you're slow
you smell bad
you're smile makes people cringe
you're not just fat, your unhealthily obese
you're parents regret conceiving you
you can't do anything right
you're laugh sounds like a flock of dying chickens
you're cooking tastes bad
you have bad posture
no one tells you when you have something in your teeth
you're bad at math
no one remembers your birthday
you can't even spell your own name
but, you have such a beautiful soul
Apr 18, 2012
Apr 18, 2012 at 6:45 AM UTC
calypso
the passing hours
the blooming flowers
speeding rapidly by us,
unrecognizable blurs
faster than our eyes can adjust
we know anything could occur
in the backseat
we feel the heat,
experience the bittersweet
no longer very discreet
the cavities in our chests
suggest a darker theory
we don’t want to test
as we range from cheery to dreary
eerie
weary
i have a lot to learn
on the path of no return
your inaudible concern
simmers into a slow burn
i tell you to go
all you say is no
call me cold
call you calypso
car rides are no longer entertaining
recently, this feels constraining,
stop feigning, theres nothing remaining,
nothing worth sustaining, it’s draining
we cannot communicate without
empty screens
empty stares
only adding to my doubt
falling out of love is like gravity
bringing me back down to earth
falling out of love is depravity
waiting for the rebirth
of feeling something again
i unhealthily think of you
every now and then
but ill pull through,
like calypso, you trapped me
in the middle of the sea
the only thing i could do was flee
i enjoy being free,
i have only regret
of the things ill never forget
like the curves of your silhouette
but I’m glad I’m no longer your juliet
May 13, 2018
May 13, 2018 at 5:11 AM UTC
A jaded history haunts unconsciously.
Fragmented regrets surface to this state of mind,
unhealthily.
But then you overcome me.
you blow my balloon up with relentless joy till it pops
and I can’t even function.
The wetness refuses to halt its rage against my heart’s window.
Though, this is irrelevancy.
My state of faith, so sealed as an envelope.
~
I am so sealed as an envelope.
With the good will in my heart, encompassing,
and the good name on my tongue, spreading
I can do no wrong.
You set the seal there.
You sent it here.
The envelope contains this undeniable love.
But it is not restrained.
No.
It permeates it, through and through
till the oil is spread all about the table,
and drips off the sides, anointing.
The seal sets in the Spirit.
I can do no wrong.
I am not under the law, bound by shackles,
but rather your agape
makes it bubble.
~
The story turns the dial.
The resonance heats the burner.
And your love boils.
The humble ***
who attempts to brag in her shininess,
is but a homely utensil.
Though *** need you not be perfect.
There are none now without dents.
They are still usable, still loved.
You see, when the water boils, the metal melts.
In another realm, it is liquid.
Chunks of dirt, bits of dust
swim up to breathe.
And breathe they will,
but it will be their last breath,
at the hand of the sweaty hand,
at the hand of the author.
~
For this story to unfold,
to send the fragments to the ocean floor,
to inflate the balloon,
the ***
acknowledges its dents,
knows the seal is the wormhole to the forge,
submits to the blacksmith, and
doesn't refuse the heat.
And then the *** so pure
becomes one with the oil, seal, and blacksmith.
Oct 18, 2014
Oct 18, 2014 at 3:11 PM UTC
Be with me.
Love me because we match.
I’m crazy and you know everything.
I have holes and so do you, we can fill them.
Strip away my ignorance, replace it with knowledge.
My brain craves it, the rest of me just wants someone to be by.
I’m unhealthily infatuated with you, a sick obsession.
I cannot not think of you because you fascinate me too much.
Who are you and what have you done with me?
Captured some part of me that makes me not care about myself or state of mind.
It’s making me crazy.
Did you know you could do that?
That you have the power to drive someone up a wall.
And I should be canonized for the crap I put up with, I make miracles everyday.
I want to be with you just to talk to you all the time and discuss music and everything that is wrong with the world.
And even the things that are right, on occasion.
My mind can’t keep up with you,
You’re one too many.
You give me headaches.
Sep 16, 2014
Sep 16, 2014 at 2:10 AM UTC
How?
How is it you?
How is it that despite the numerous amounts of times I think I can be happy with someone,
Share myself with someone,
You ***** me up.
Just the mere thought of you screws me up.
You messed me up,
But not in the morbid,
"I can never fall in love again"
Or
"I can never trust again"
Because, yes,
While I may think those things occasionally,
It wasn't because of you.
You know why you ****** me up?
Because no matter how many butterflies I get from him,
They don't even compare to the ones I got from you
And although I do love him,
I'm not in love with him.
You ******* me up because I will never
Ever
Love someone that way I loved you.
I truly, undeniably, unhealthily loved you.
I would go find bury treasure for you if you asked me to,
But I wouldn't do it for him.
I never got tired of you,
But...he gets on my nerves sometimes.
Despite the amount of protests that you weren't my type
You seemed to fit me perfectly,
But, he's...nice.
I was ******* up before I met you,
But **** you really messed me up after.
I loved you.
How is it that I still love you?
How do I move forward when all you do is text me and the emotions come fleeting back?
How?
How do I stop loving you?
Jul 4, 2015
Jul 4, 2015 at 12:12 AM UTC
I erase you
Over and over
Word after word
Then start again
Unhealthily
With the other end
Of the pencil
The only thing
I know I don't need
Is the only thing
I know I'll never leave
The only thing
I know I need
Is for the pencil
To run out of lead
May 3, 2016
May 3, 2016 at 6:26 PM UTC
I like me better broken; I like me torn apart.
I like me bleeding, dying, like grotesque gallery art.
I like me better lost, struggling not to drown.
I like me flailing uselessly as I fall back to the ground.
I like me crushed to dust, scrambling to find all my pieces.
I like me panicky and scared, unable to grasp what peace is.
I like me down and empty, watching life pass me by.
I like me pathetic, pitiful; give me something to hide behind.
Pity me. Pity me. Tell me I've a reason to be so morose.
Wrap me up in comforting words until I find the strength to go.
Love me unhealthily, let me pledge my life to you
And wrap myself up until I forget every dream I looked forward to.
Hurt me like I was so used to; make me feel at home.
Treat me like a dog and when I'm done, throw me a bone.
Box me into the smallest of spaces, my own castle of thorns.
Nurse me back to unhappiness and praise me when I'm forlorn.
I'm lost when I'm smiling, I wasn't built to maintain it
To live without reason is the function I'm best with.
I'm a mess when it's good, don't know how to regulate
I like me better without a smile for smiling's sake.
I like me better bottled up and bound and screaming for help
I like me better sobbing and bitter and disgusted with myself.
I like me better when I'm comfortably apathetic and undone.
As things would have it, I'm pathetic, I like me better broken.
Apr 13, 2016
Apr 13, 2016 at 2:08 AM UTC
I have two people inside of me-
Heart
and
Mind.
Mind shows me truth,
Heart twists my perception.
Mind is my reality,
Heart is my fantasy.
Mind keeps me objective,
Heart forces subjection onto me.
However,
Neither Heart nor Mind
Can control
This drug I've found.
I've been using it for quite a while
Mostly in secret.
There are many forms of this drug.
I mainly use
Memories
and
Sensation.
Sensation burns,
Memories enhance the pain.
But I don't mind.
I like the pain.
It's addicting.
Unhealthily addicting
To the point where
I feel lethargic without it.
Can you guess what this drug is?
It's quite rare, actually.
However, it goes by many names.
But what I usually call it-
is Love.
Apr 5, 2015
Apr 5, 2015 at 9:23 PM UTC
My heart loves unhealthily.
It doesn't know when to stop
Or what lines shouldn't
Be crossed.
Feb 5, 2014
Feb 5, 2014 at 12:45 PM UTC
Within this write, there are things I want to share.
More effectively, I want to express my ideas on things- both good and unfair.
Furthermore, this is for me; I'm not writing in hopes that you care.
It's so filled with miscommunication; if you think so, I don't believe malevolence was the aim
No ****** needed; we weren't meant to be more- this is recent knowledge I've come to gain
We were galaxies- within both of us are constellations we're given the responsibility to contain
Both of us seem electric and maybe that's why it had to be emotional warfare
Or perhaps the currents burned us out and now we're emotionally impaired
A temporary Romeo whose mind manufactures illusions of a ride to imminent fame
Met this Juliet whose spirit had aged and set goals of recognition to obtain
Each tortured artistically, with the unpleasant disposition to over-explain
Somehow, despite the floods of words, coherent expressions were rare
You felt unnecessarily taxed while I felt time with you costed me a steep fare
I'm intimately drained after all the internal details I was pressured to share
Ideas of romantic success were forced by naivety to be entertained
Unhealthily encouraged by all the tiny kisses hesitantly exchanged
Journey by my side to where lust dwells- my innocence used to live there
The angels we once were have been tainted by wasted passions we declared
Leaving us merciless, as ours were never the sensitivities to be spared
There was no shortage of moments in which I doubted any of it was sane
With this write, I hope to prevent the ride from being taken in vain
In this write, I hope at least a few of my conflicted thoughts are made plain..
Oct 14, 2017
Oct 14, 2017 at 11:13 AM UTC
I loved with my whole heart once.
I was innocent, hopeful, and wanting.
I thought I need you to be whole,
That I was missing something until you.
I learned my lesson.
Only now do I see that I was whole all along.
Until you.
You broke me into more pieces than I thought I had.
You took a part of me that I didn't know existed
That piece will never be mine again.
And it will be forever yours, and only yours.
I hope to never feel a love like this again
For I know now what comes from it.
We were unhealthily obsessed
And now we are unhealthily lying
Pretending we are over each other.
But our love will always be there.
You are the only person I will ever love with my full heart
because you took a part of me that can never be replaced.
Dec 12, 2014
Dec 12, 2014 at 12:28 AM UTC
I’ve got a bad case
of the human race,
rusted metal morons
rummaging on my
spinning grace.
This is my place
and I share it with
a lot of other animals
who are not equipped
to ravage or destroy it.
So, this pox of polluters
natural resource abusers
and horrible drug users
needs to be reined in.
Though, I tried to maintain
adequate equilibrium,
yes, I tried to sustain
all the creature living in
my local ecosystems,
mankind really did
a number on my ****
****** up my climate
and the tools I used
to balance out the abuse,
like resource scarcity;
Well, humanity has
outpaced my ability
to hold them back
by creating
mass producing
assembly line
technologies,
and unhealthily
enhanced agriculture.
So, it is highly likely
all the other species
and human beings
will be exiting the scene
much earlier
then I previously
projected
Sep 25, 2019
Sep 25, 2019 at 9:50 AM UTC
Not exactly agoraphobia
Just a very strong preference
Nov 30, 2016
Nov 30, 2016 at 9:39 AM UTC