"scotty" poems
Scottie spot a thot
Scottie spot the thot
Taking multiple shots
Scotty hopped right off his stool
Up to the thot he walked
Hoping she didn't find him
A fool
He said hey thot
From across the bar I spot
Such a **** fine thot
Wouldn't you hop on my ****
Now the thot looked restless
What a decision?
This might be the first time the thot
Well..thought
Needless too say it wasn't long
Before the thot hopped on
Scottie's ****
Scottie thought
Man after this thot
I might need a penicillin shot
Oh no, Scottie watch!!!
Here comes the thot's
Big pop
Threatening to give Scottie,
A pop pop
Scottie prayed to god
He wouldn't see no cops
Especially since before he
Made a stop at the ******* spot
And especially not for some
Thot
We all know Scottie
For a thot he's never fought
So he hopped off his stool and
Ran out of the club
He ain't no nub!
Scottie didn't get popped for no
Silly thot
And so is the story
Of Scottie spot the thot
Who took multiple shots
Hopped on Scottie's ****
And called on her
Big pop
Who almost gave Scottie
A pop pop
Scottie went to the clinic
To get a shot
And thought twice
The next time he spot a thot
Taking multiple shots
May 2, 2014
May 2, 2014 at 8:08 PM UTC
Strange question indeed,
So I asked one and all;
Explain to me:
“What's a plumber's ball?”
Family and friends
Heeded my call,
But none could confine,
Refine or define it,
Yet Paul was sure
He could design it.
Still, none could satisfy
My caterwaul:
“What the hell is a plumber's ball?”
Does it sweat the pipe
Or wiggle the snake:
Can it clamp the ******
For Heaven's sake?
Could it snap on the cock-hole cover?
All these queries
Made me wonder.
Has it something to do
With hardness leakage,
Or ******** the ball-cock
To stop a seepage?
Has it anything to do
With a saddle valve dripping,
Electric eels,
Or two pipes mating?
And, I heard of male and female fittings,
And should I worry
If I'm standing or sitting?
If you're discharging the head
Or elongating the pipe,
Does the plumber's ball
Help it snug tight?
Is it in my tank,
Or in my bowl,
Beneath the floor
Near the drainage hole?
Is the plumber's ball
In the back of the truck
(Jeff laughed and said
One could rub it for luck).
I asked Michel
If he could tell,
He sensed it was something
He could smell.
I sought out Ray,
Perhaps he'd know,
But he was on call
To restrain a back-flow.
I couldn't ask Gary
For his wisdom and sense,
He was wigglin' the snake
To unclog a wet vent.
Henry, Rick, Scotty and Brian,
Gave shameless answers
I couldn't rely on.
It's not a crapper, tail piece
Or Johnnie-bolt,
Or catch basin, reamer,
O-ring or pipe dope.
So I searched the Net
With a fool's wonder,
And read of ball-checks,
Gas ***** and plungers.
I know it's too late
To ask Rolly or Ross,
For both of them knew,
And that's our loss.
And Ernie's gone golfing
So I can't ask the Boss.
With final resolve
I fell to my knees,
To pray St. Ferrer
With grace intercede.
His silence left me
In a state of depression;
Had Ferrer washed his hands
Of the plumbing profession?
So nothing could settle
My wherewithal,
I still didn't know,
What's a plumber's ball?
Suddenly, it hit me,
He's never wrong,
The Dalai Lama of dip-tubes,
I'll ask John.
Where others did falter,
John's a rock:
He knows the difference
Between a gas and ball ****
With a knowing smile
He embraced our Hall:
Here, good friend, is your Plumbers' Ball.
Sep 22, 2014
Sep 22, 2014 at 9:10 AM UTC
sanity is relative
it's a hidden amenity
some convenience of clarity
like the kleenex in hotel bathrooms.
you'll be fine without it
better even maybe
depending on how big a mess you like to make..
because toilet paper works just the same
only maybe not as nice
same principal really-
most people cant even tell.
or maybe they're too busy
trying to tell themselves
the scotty they're holding
isnt 2 ply.
Sep 17, 2013
Sep 17, 2013 at 9:42 AM UTC
Stardate whatever.
The Klingons are attacking and my tricorder isn’t functioning.
Conjectural and anointing the furrows of my phaser blasted brow.
There you are.
A messy image in the transporter beam.
Gleaming and swaying amongst the particles of dust.
“I’m impossible to save,” I say.
“So save yourself, this planet is about to blow.” I say again.
It seems our universal translator isn’t working.
Otherwise, you would have left me.
Trusting is the hardest part.
I’ll do without it.
Beam me up Scotty.
Nov 22, 2013
Nov 22, 2013 at 5:14 PM UTC
Star Trekking is the hope of mankind,
We have Kirk's Bravery and his Honour to always try to do the right thing,
We have Spock's Logic and Reason to help the Captain in his mission,
We have Scotty and his love of the ship,
We have Uhura who tries to always get the message home,
We have Bones to say his dead Jim?
We have Chekov to remind everybody the USA and Russia can be friends one sunny day,
We have Sulu to show past human wars can be forgotten and new friendships made after darkened days, so Hikaru can be that light,
So Star Trekking is the hope of mankind,
So Star Trekking is the hope of mankind,
So Star Trekking is the hope of mankind.
Jul 14, 2020
Jul 14, 2020 at 5:27 PM UTC
surrounding us: a billion stars
in a time when a trip to mars is like walking around the block
and captain kirk and mister spock are arguing
about the prime directive.
we’re beaming to a planet’s surface. now listen:
i know about inverse tachyon beams
i know about coded klingon screams
i know about going to warp factor eight
i know about redshirts' survival rate.
(no. chance.)
i’m beaming down with the main crew
to the surface of minerva II
we've got a malfunctioning interstellar transceiver which is distressing-- dysgraphing? dismantling…
…i don't know.
scotty said it was defective.
so we’re on this planet,
standing on one side of a thick forest packed with monster janeks,
starfleet says we need to fix this thing yesterday, and we’re in a panic—
and **** it, mccoy is a doctor, not a lumberjack,
and kirk says we should just burn through the middle with phasers,
and spock says we must preserve respect for all life forms no matter the situation.
now please remember kirk’s the captain.
that means he runs this show
but kirk always listens to spock,
so
we spend two days walking through the forest.
surrounding us: a billion trees
in a place where a strange disease is rare as feathers in a flock
and captain kirk and mister spock are arguing
about the prime directive.
halfway through this dark-lit trip
things go wrong (obviously)
and an alien with shellac for skin captures the captain.
said alien grabs a vine, ascends into the canopy of the trees,
and for one glorious moment
i believe kirk’s the dead guy in this episode, not me!
but spock, in his calm and logical vulcan voice,
orders us to exercise any necessary force to recover the captain.
translation: **** EVERYTHING. JUST GET KIRK BACK.
we reach the janek village.
being a good redshirt, i rush in, phaser blasting, ready to complete the heroic rescue of our captain—
and get killed instantly.
as i was dying, i heard the sound of thousands of janeks dying beside me
saw spock help kirk off the ground
and the last words I heard were theirs:
“captain, are you in need of immediate medical attention?”
“nah, spock, i’m fine—”
“mr. scott. the captain is hurt. beam us aboard immediately.”
one’s arm over the other’s shoulders,
they vanished.
surrounding them: a billion stars
in a time when a trip to mars is like walking around the block
and captain kirk and mister spock are arguing
about the prime directive—
but the prime directive
was never the real objective.
Dec 4, 2013
Dec 4, 2013 at 10:30 PM UTC
Scotty has a girlfriend,
But Scotty likes to wear dresses..
Is he gay?
Of course not! He loves girls!
But..
underneath his bed,
there's a box full of secrets..
secrets so big;
it's impossible to keep em'.
What would she do..
if she found out he's been with another guy?
She'd break his neck,
as she runs to the corner to cry!
sexually confused!
Scotty doesn't know,
he's sexually confused!
She walks into her high school class,
people can't help but stare.
They don't know what it is;
blue eyes?
dark hair?
Nope. It's what's going on,
the thoughts inside her head..
It's this other girl..
"She snuck into my bed!"
sexually confused..
her peers don't know it yet,
but we're all sexually confused!
Nick has a secret,
you see hes got this fetish.
All he does is
sit around and act it.
He sneaks into his sister's room,
and tries on her clothes..
He walks around the house,
in her skirts and underwear.
Sexually confusd,
he's sexually confused!
It started with being dared to wear a pair..
look what happened,
now he's sexually confused!
Claudia's depressed because
her feelings are always surpressed.
She burries her mind with drugs,
never admiting her passion,
she's made fun of for the way she's dressed.
There's this girl, you see,
she's got dark hair and blue eyes..
they can't be together,
because well..
us sexually confused like to hide.
Sexually confused..
You see once they know,
you know, that you're sexually confused-
you'll be taunted, made fun of,
a victim of verbal abuse.
sexually confused!
Am I sexually confused?
Nov 17, 2011
Nov 17, 2011 at 4:38 PM UTC
Shes grown up in a world where your name is everything. So she played everything, & gave it her everything. When that money came in she saved everything for college not knowing she would get a scholarship. But she is smart, smart as if she is but a descendant of Einstein, And I look up to her cause im short and compared to me she is sky high but she is 6,3 and beautiful a goddess *3 to me. She plays ball like her daddys twin was scotty pippen and he tolder put her hands on the ball and boom they traded powers like mike.. like mike and when i would tell her ik someone who plays better she would tell me im trippin. Cause she never missed a practice she only wanted to get greater. And when she dunked for the first time ever she went home on some macklemore **** like "i touched the net mom i touched the net" it was the best day of her life. And shes been running all her life from miles to around the basketball court. God **** now the army what else do you want to accomplish. What are you running from young girl them legs... them legs all them **** legs big girl dont stop now dont give up brown eyes.cause In this world ill be jenny and your forest gump run run forrest run.
May 10, 2015
May 10, 2015 at 2:22 PM UTC
It started out a day like any other.
Down at Billy Bobs Nuclear Power Plant and toaster repair.
Where I sit in front of the monitor
with my dumb blank look and stare.
Until my friend Jim came in,
with coffee, doughnuts, and a magazine, he had grabbed from the john.
Wouldn't you know it the centerfold was gone.
So, I stood up to stretch and yawn.
As I sat back down I knocked over the coffee,
And the jelly doughnut rolled out the door into the hall.
The array of toasters went up in flames,
as did the magazine and the wall.
Jim started talking like Captain Kirk,
as he went into his Star Trek mode.
I slapped him hard across the face,
and informed him this Enterprise was set to blow.
That's when we both turned and saw the florescent green ooze,
seeping under the door.
At that point it was every man for himself,
as I pushed the elevator for the 13th floor.
Leaving the babbling Jim behind,
with the elevator on its way,
pipping in a soft musical version
of Jimi Hendrix's Purple Haze.
(which seemed to me rather odd)
Once the doors slid open,
thinking there's never been a 13th floor before,
I was surrounded by flesh eating zombified rodents,
About to become their lunch de jour.
As the zombie rodents zeroed in,
my friend Jim showed up...What luck.
With communicator in hand, and in his best Kirk voice,
He said, "Scotty beam us up".
As we were high in the sky,
I saw half of the south implode.
As boring as this day started,
you never would have know'd.
I hated to leave the world behind,
In such a mess, after my coffee spill.
One thing I did leave, believe you me,
Was Duncan Doughnuts the entire bill.
Apr 27, 2013
Apr 27, 2013 at 6:30 PM UTC
Sweet sweet powder
Sweet sweet powder
Cutting keys wit flour
****** man of the hour
It’s the sweet sweet powder
Sweet sweet powder
Lookin down from the tower
Homeboy, I got all the power
It’s the sweet sweet powder
Like I’m raven from the bowery
I be hittin fools wit trash cans
Wake em up in bout an hour
With that sweet sweet powder
Shootin three ***** like crowder
Hollarin hella louder
Like Aretha in the shower
Got that sweet sweet powder
That I’m given to the *******
Never ****** with those snitches
That are wearing goodwill britches
No I roll with the
Sweet sweet powder
Been running through the ditches
Eating salty ham sandwiches
You act like I don’t know riches
I know that
Sweet sweet powder
Be cutting keys wit flour
I’m da man of the hour
Jumpin in the shower
With the sweet sweet powder
On the ivory tower
Pimpin tricks by the hour
Holding all the ****** power
Got that sweet sweet powder
Now wit that sweet sweet powder
I get ******* like a Scotty
****** Baio was hottie
But with that sweet sweet powder
He coulda ****** gotten Molly
Little Ringwald in her prime time
Slap that *** like a hate crime
Sweet sweet powder blowin my mind
I got that sweet sweet powder
Fuckim man of the hour
Rollin with robin trower
Acting like a lil bow-er
With my sweet sweet powder
Turning trick by the hour
Showering with power
Giving ******* flowers
Got that sweet sweet powder
Jan 25, 2016
Jan 25, 2016 at 5:09 PM UTC
I harbor a gentle whiskered beast
made of quiet sighs, all knees and elbows
jabbing my ribs while I sleep,
a weight shifting among the sheets
in the long shadows of earliness.
Suddenly, unprovoked, he is startled
as if threatened by an electric presence.
He listens intently to the silence and bristles
as though a ghost in the corner has spoken
in a tongue meant for beings higher than myself.
When the spirits have gone he sighs again,
his paws turn circles and he lays himself down
curled neatly behind my knees,
quietly pondering primal truths
that I was never meant to understand.
Outside he chases skittering leaves
and imagines he is wild
in the great wooded taiga,
flushing fowl from the brush,
scattering them like gasps of color,
with fluttering hearts beating warm in their *******
among pines capped white with snow.
Oct 8, 2013
Oct 8, 2013 at 2:22 PM UTC
Kirk was a flirt.
Bones could clone.
Scotty liked scotch.
Chekov goofed off.
Sulu, he flew.
Uhura went further.
Chapel would coddle.
But
SPOCK,
He
ROCKED.
Feb 28, 2015
Feb 28, 2015 at 11:41 AM UTC
Anti-gravity, rivers, streams
flowin high above the grounds.
Powered by giant speakers that
pulse propulsion sounds.
Information waves in stealth
conveying, like particles: cars,
from their backyard "bye bye" gates
to the store, the moon, venus, the stars.
So small they nest on cell towers
tweet, tweeting their "special effects"
and form a web, grid, around the whole thing
a mulit-port, self guiding, blue cloud matrix.
Oct 26, 2014
Oct 26, 2014 at 9:45 AM UTC
When someone is in need
of a helping hand
take time to heed
and meet their command.
They will soon thank you
for all you've done
your help will be honest & true
making their life a successful one.
Now you are in their life now
never let you out of your sight
promise to help you somehow
especially to see the light.
Then you won't see dark again
it'll always be light of day
nothing to worry about then
got things going your way.
Think about what you got
everything besides each other
together you have a lot
sharing your love for each other.
BY SCOTTY BRUNER MAY-31-2015
Nov 10, 2015
Nov 10, 2015 at 3:22 PM UTC
Let me be the Bonnie to your Hyde
I can be the Z to your Scotty
Let's, let's ruin each other baby
Arms and fingers locked
Drugging the other down
We're two gnarled bodies, writhing on the ground
No morphine needed
We're both about the pain
Inhaling you fast
You're my line of pixie dust
I fly to fall down
Faith? Hope? I just need to suffer now.
You're the apple tree splinter
Poking my eye so I can't see.
The mirror on your door is me
And the fairest is anyone but you.
I'm your painting mr. Gray
Hide me in the attic; can't throw me away
Let's, let's ruin each other baby
Oh wait we already did or do.
These brass scales are getting heavy,
It's me for you
And do you hear that sound?
It's our siren lullaby.
We crash into each others'arms
Tied to each others' masts;
Drugging each other down
There's the frog and the water-sound.
We're one, we're done, well that was fun.
Sep 10, 2012
Sep 10, 2012 at 9:51 PM UTC
This is going to sound crazy,
But...
I think I saw an alien yesterday.
I was kissing my wife when all of a sudden she changed form in front of me.
She was looking like a grey, scaly Asian grandma with Kardasian lips and eyes as black as holes.
Not only are the aliens infiltrating our governments but they are infiltrating my love life as well.
The reptilian leaned in, speaking without words.
Like it was talking in my thoughts.
He reached out to me,
And we ascended into his flaming Dorito in the sky.
We went from 0 to 300,000 miles per hour in the split of a second.
I think I saw a military pilot as we were passing by.
He tried to catch us, but we escaped in the blink of an eye.
Angel?
Extra-terrestrial?
Visitor from the Zeta Reticuli?
Or perhaps something inter dimension?
He took me to meet his family,
They had a message for me.
They were the ones who gave rise to humanity.
They think our fear of death is kinda funny.
They were so welcoming,
All about peace, love and understanding.
They do not understand war,
They don’t understand us at all.
I woke up the next morning back in my bed.
I can’t remember what happened,
I think they put something in my head.
My great grandmother thinks I was abducted.
I’m!
Not!
Crazy!
But the media would have you believe I am.
They twist my words to make them sound insane.
It wasn’t a man in a rubber suit.
Please believe what I say.
You believe me don’t you?
It was a mother ******* Roswell Grey.
I’m!
Not!
Insane!
But since It was not on the tv.
It’s not welcome in your reality?
Go ahead and ridicule me,
Try and keep me quiet.
But I know what I saw,
And I will never deny it.
We’re not alone.
We share a home,
With another life form.
They’ve been here for a very long time.
Is there life out there?
I want to believe.
Beam me up, Scotty.
I want to leave.
Nov 11, 2020
Nov 11, 2020 at 4:25 AM UTC
This is the tale
of wild hair McGee
affectionatly known
to some as Scotty
Zipping around
the airport with glee
in his big yellow forklift
writing poetry
Many have wondered
how his name came to be
it was hung on his back
by his boss Jeffery
Dumping the bins
in his faithful steed
a machine that is known
as ol' smokey
If you want to judge
the course of the day
just take off his helmet
his hair would then say
A little to the left
no patience left
a little to the right
stayed up late last night
If standing up Straight
you might have to wait
all to the back
your the bottom of the stack
Don't take it personal
it;s not meant to be
all in a days work
for wild hair McGee
Jun 10, 2013
Jun 10, 2013 at 6:43 AM UTC
All of this just so happened
With the saying of one simple phrase
"Beam me up Scotty"
Was all The Captain had said
But all that came aboard
Was Captain Kirk's toupee
Never did they see James again
After that fateful day
Now Captain Kirk's toupee
Is the one that's running the ship
Barking out its orders
From where the Captain once sat
It's little wonder the toupee and the crew
Don't see eye to eye
As it continues throughout its screaming
Can't you see I need more warp drive
With Scotty hollering back
I'm giving her all that's she's got
Thinking the whole time the Captain's toupee
Would make a good galley mop
Spock while all this is happening
Struggles to keep a straight face
Which is really hard for a Vulcan to do
When dealing with a demanding toupee
Of course like James T. Kirk
His toupee has a thing for alien gals
Which leaves the ladies throughout the galaxy
All with a bad taste and hair in their mouths
And not to mention the trouble with the Klingon's
Now they have no idea what to say
How in the world do you wage war
When your arch enemy is a bad toupee
It's little surprise this all lead to a mutiny
Of the Starship Enterprise crew
The day they grabbed the toupee
And ran to the transporter room
They all wondered what took them so long
The idea it was so blatantly simple
As they beamed away Kirk's toupee
Down to the surface of the Planet of Tribble's
Mar 22, 2017
Mar 22, 2017 at 5:54 PM UTC
All of this just so happened
With the saying of one simple phrase
"Beam me up Scotty"
Was all The Captain had said
But all that came aboard
Was Captain Kirk's toupee
Never did they see James again
After that fateful day
Now Captain Kirk's toupee
Is the one that's running the ship
Barking out its orders
From where the Captain once sat
It's little wonder the toupee and the crew
Don't see eye to eye
As it continues throughout its screaming
Can't you see I need more warp drive
With Scotty hollering back
I'm giving her all that's she's got
Thinking the whole time the Captain's toupee
Would make a good galley mop
Spock while all this is happening
Struggles to keep a straight face
Which is really hard for a Vulcan to do
When dealing with a demanding toupee
Of course like James T. Kirk
His toupee has a thing for alien gals
Which leaves the ladies throughout the galaxy
All with a bad taste and hair in their mouths
And not to mention the trouble with the Klingon's
Now they have no idea what to say
How in the world do you wage war
When your arch enemy is a bad toupee
It's little surprise this all lead to a mutiny
Of the Starship Enterprise crew
The day they grabbed the toupee
And ran to the transporter room
They all wondered what took them so long
The idea it was so blatantly simple
As they beamed away Kirk's toupee
Down to the surface of the Planet of Tribble's
Apr 7, 2015
Apr 7, 2015 at 7:00 AM UTC
Eleven years ago, I was standing in
a field surrounded by towering
trees. As on many nights before, I
was taking my dog Scotty for a walk,
and then letting him run loose for a short
time. This particular night he seemed
anxious, restless. He began to howl - a
bloodcurdling, evil bark that shattered
the stillness on that crisp autumn evening.
He seemed to be responding to something
only he could sense and then there was
an enormous floating cloud, a sort of heavy
mist that filled the atmosphere quickly.
Suddenly a spaceship with blinking green
and yellow lights materialized and landed
not so far from where we were. I lost sight
of the dog, just heard him barking wildly in
the distance. A door opened on the spaceship
and a steel gray robotic creature with one red
eye in the middle of its head stepped out. It
was brandishing a silver sword and it was
then when the entire field became engulfed
in an overwhelming darkness.
I was in shock and started to run.
Somehow, even with all this terror
and confusion, I made it home.
Breathless, anxious, fearful, I told
my wife what I'd seen and heard.
She approached me, grabbed my
trembling locked fist, and pried it
open; Scotty's leash fell soundlessly
on the rug. Startled and sobbing,
she shrieked, "Where's Scotty?
What happened to Scotty?"
I had no answer then.
Or now.
Sep 8, 2015
Sep 8, 2015 at 4:58 PM UTC
i have a backup plan my secret game:
a tinder nest
to nurture the flame
i have a backup plan to stop the bleeding:
protect the wound
and treat for shock
like captain kirk
and mr. spock
i have a backup plan for all i do:
even a backup to you
she's all i need maybe more
the tight red uniform looks killer on
lieutenant uhura
i have a backup plan if my truck doesn't start:
a mountain bike to ride to work
like mr. spock and
captain kirk
i have a backup plan for all i do:
beam me up scotty
i'm done with you
Jun 25, 2016
Jun 25, 2016 at 11:35 AM UTC
Many people cross your path during your lifetime,
Each is a melody, each has his own beat, his own rhythm.
There's music in his smile,
A lullaby in his eyes,
A love song in his heart.
Each is a song never forgotten.
The words sometimes fade away,
But, a Soul's Rhapsody lives on
And you are my love song,
And I love you.
Jul 21, 2016
Jul 21, 2016 at 11:55 AM UTC
Moon is our nightlight
when the day turns to dark
it soon becomes night
take a walk in the park.
The stars are sparkling white
skies are dark blue
we're in each other's sight
stuck together like glue.
We'll make this night last
make do what it's worth
never forget the past
and what our love is worth.
Our love we have to give
we share every day
for every day we live
love is here to stay.
Love was meant to be
when we first made eyes
future for us to see
knowing where our love lies.
BY SCOTTY BRUNER
Jun 26, 2023
Jun 26, 2023 at 8:06 PM UTC