"saboteur" poems
for Susan O'Neill Roe
What a thrill ----
My thumb instead of an onion.
The top quite gone
Except for a sort of hinge
Of skin,
A flap like a hat,
Dead white.
Then that red plush.
Little pilgrim,
The Indian's axed your scalp.
Your turkey wattle
Carpet rolls
Straight from the heart.
I step on it,
Clutching my bottle
Of pink fizz. A celebration, this is.
Out of a gap
A million soldiers run,
Redcoats, every one.
Whose side are they one?
O my
Homunculus, I am ill.
I have taken a pill to ****
The thin
Papery feeling.
Saboteur,
Kamikaze man ----
The stain on your
Gauze Ku Klux ****
Babushka
Darkens and tarnishes and when
The balled
Pulp of your heart
Confronts its small
Mill of silence
How you jump ----
Trepanned veteran,
***** girl,
Thumb stump.
23.5k
Magical cauldron apomixes connoisseur
Cephalic phantasmagoria entity obliquitous
Mystical conjurous conjugal entrepreneur
Fantasia fantastication phantasm obsequious
Amorously arduous ardent raconteur
Ephemeral translucent opulence ubiquitous
Vanity sanctimonium temerities saboteur
Intrepid verve’s intriguingly iniquitous
Sorcerous sabbatical apothegms chauffeur
Endemic veracities fortuitous elicitous
Futurity fatidics fornication kithe
Ephemeral metaphor semantics flaunts
Empirical emulation scenarios blithe
Subjunctive subliminal nostalgias haunts
Agile articulation acuities lithe
Analogizing corroborative prolificacy daunts
Alacritous tactile manipulations writhe
Numinous syntactical paradigm *****
Emanate imminent perdition tithe
Orotund jaded seal ordinand jaunts
Overt convection coercions chiaroscuro tempestuous
Apex crux axis ****** matrix torrid
Manifest objectified enamorous interstice lecherous
Spurt binge spree ***** protuberance squalid
endearingly engendering amore
Jan 13, 2013
Jan 13, 2013 at 9:51 PM UTC
if words are food for the mind,
then here is a glimpse of mine
if words are drugs for the brain,
then here is why i'm so pained.
abandoned, abhorrent
abnormal, absent
abstract, abuse
addicted, anxious
betray, bitterly
blank, blasphemy
bloodless, breakdown
breathless, brutal
captive, casually
catastrophe, cautiously
change, cigarettes
crucial, clueless
damaged, dangerous
deadly, disastrous
disheartened, disconcerting
dramatic, dreading
eager, eccentric
ecstasy, eerie
effete, effortless
embittered, excess
faded, failure
faintly, fallacy
faltering, fatally
fearfully, finally
garbage, gawky
gibberish, gloomy
gone, goodbye
graphic, gratify
hallucinate, harshly
hazy, heartless
hectic, helpless
hesitant, hit-and-miss
idiotic, idly
ignorant, intimacy
illogical, imaginative
infatuated, intoxicated
jealousy, jittery
journey, journal
joylessly, judicial
junk, juvenile
keen, killing
knavish, knocking
knockout, knotty
knowingly, knowledge
laborious, lacking
lame, languishing
lifeless, literature
lovelorn, lugubrious
madness, maintenance
make-believe, malaise
mean, melancholic
mellow, melodramatic
naff, naivety
nameless, naturally
nauseous, nebulous
neglected, nervous
oasis, objectionable
obliged, obliterate
oblivion, obscurity
obsolete, one-and-only
pacifist, pained
pale, panicky
paradise, paralyze
passionately, passively
raging, ranting
rationalize, raving
realistic, reasonable
rebellious, reckless
saboteur, sadness
sake, sameness
sanity, satisfactory
scar, steady
taint, tangled
tasteless, tearful
telling, temperamental
terror, theoretical
unaffected, uncanny
uncommon, unconsciously
undesirable, uneasy
unfortunate, untidy
vaguely, vanish
vanity, vanquish
versatile, vicious
violence, voracious
waiting, waking
walkout, wanting
wasteful, weary
withering, wrecking
if words are food for the mind,
then you've seen a glimpse of mine
if words are drugs for the brain,
then no wonder i'm so pained.
-djs
Aug 5, 2013
Aug 5, 2013 at 11:21 PM UTC
you are the light at the end of a tendril. a spindle of dread, woven in caustic guile of argyle
parallelograms...phantom realms of solid waste. you are the pin in the subject. gating satan through a thimble
of crocodile tears, the new symbol.
the rude glyph in black bibles and strong drink, en-kindling the dead. rodents ponzi the scheme
of hell’s maze, with lies...your lies...
you have eyes that lead aside from your heart’s plot
you are saboteur. banal.
unrestrained waste. you are the fin in the barracuda puppet, grazing the wrist of Dim Henson
huffing crystal gorillas in the congo of your foyer
you are
the black chandelier.
teach me your cheap trick
striking off ‘ iron-on’ pinkie swears
your praline heresies... your ‘ no remorse’ code
lay bare to me.
better my better angels, to fathom the loathsome ****
of your actual mind. keep me abreast of your wretched games...
apply the rod of your wrong love, above all.... you must betray.
you must know in your fetid rot
of a third eye... the phlegm genius of **** blindness.... teach me the rictus of
cold hearted. a false god in my lotus !
spare me the chaste suzette
flip me the ***** that spits fables.
learn me the savage puns
to pummel you sustaining your worst done.
grant me the lethal beans for my sacred cow
trade me the idylls of your forked heart
for your crushed null
and crossed
bones.
Mar 16, 2013
Mar 16, 2013 at 11:53 PM UTC
Magical cauldron apomixes connoisseur
Cephalic phantasmagoria entity obliquitous
Mystical conjurous conjugal entrepreneur
Fantasia fantastication phantasm obsequious
Amorously arduous ardent raconteur
Ephemeral translucent opulence ubiquitous
Vanity sanctimonium temerities saboteur
Intrepid verve’s intriguingly iniquitous
Sorcerous sabbatness apothegms chauffeur
Endemic veracities fortuitous elicitous
Futurity fatidic's fornication kithe
Ephemeral metaphor semantics flaunts
Empirical emulation scenarios blithe
Subjunctive subliminal nostalgias haunts
Agile articulation acuities lithe
Analogizing corroborative prolificacy daunts
Alacritous tactile manipulations writhe
Numinous syntactical paradigm *****
Emanate imminent perdition tithe
Orotund jaded seal ordinand jaunts
Overt convection coercions chiaroscuro tempestuous
Apex crux axis ****** matrix torrid
Manifest objectified enamorous interstice lecherous
Spurt binge spree ***** protuberance squalid
endearingly engendering amore
Mar 30, 2017
Mar 30, 2017 at 7:59 PM UTC
I know what I am. . .
I am uninterested
I am insecure
I am a manipulator
I am an introvert
I am a self saboteur
I carry a reputation for things
I dont even do anymore
who goes out of his way to hurt himself
and pushes away those who try to help
I act like a sarcastic *******
to ride the borderline
of seriousness
I am what the doctors would call
a high functioning alcoholic
I am a *****
I am lonely
I am seriously flawed,
but at least I am not you.
Oct 5, 2013
Oct 5, 2013 at 7:43 PM UTC
Batman in his belfry
Robin at the all you can eat buffet
Batgirl in my bedroom
things going, all my way
Riddler plying his prose
Gordon on patrol
Catwoman in my trousers
happily, loosing all control
Joker playing the saboteur
Penguin relaxing at the shore
Harley-quinn in my shower
as golly gee and will-a-curs
I can't ask for nothing more
Sep 23, 2016
Sep 23, 2016 at 10:15 PM UTC
Yeah it's Jay, Mr. Self Saboteur,
Fill the bottle up thats what I got the bottle for,
Self fufillin' prophecies got me on the floor,
Drinkin' is the reason but it got me wantin' more,
Not a variety of sobriety when I'm shoppin' in the store,
Got me thinking what's the reason I'm coppin' all this for?
Jesus blood stains up on the sheets,
No Zzz's when I sleep,
All my cups filled up with alcoholic drinks,
So I'm up in that Anonymous,
Cup in hand, hungry hippopotamus,
Sayin' to the man, "I think we need a little Ciroc in us"
I've got a problem, why you think I'm stoppin' cuz?
My names Jay and the liquor's messin' me up,
Every night fellin' closer to Aaliyah,
Saw my reflection now I'm lookin' at the reaper,
Experiment with liquor so fill up my beaker!
Hand on the Bud Light,
Fuckin' with my love life,
Sippin' on the suds like,
Toast to the tough life!
This phenix burns,
Born in thorns with alcoholic horns,
Lookin' at the bottom of the bottle,
Askin' my self if my heart's this hollow,
What do I do? Toss it or swallow,
Well that is a problem for the Jay of tomorrow,
Tryin' to deal with the ills of my convictions,
Sippin' on the liquid of my sickenin' addiction,
Yeah ma, loosen up my inhibitions,
Binge drinkin' means no intermissions,
So welcome my beloved inebriation,
Cup to my mouth instead of conflict confrontation,
Sippin' on the liquid that is toxic to the nation,
Women gettin' twisted my ironic liberation,
If I drink too much I'ma keep it up,
Pinky finger up,
Worried my liver's not weak enough,
Speech slurred so I won't speak to much,
But my mouth's wide open talkin' greek and stuff,
Opps I made a mistake,
Trade Jack Daniels for tonights date,
Gotta live with the consequences that I hate,
Choosin' liquid over women that I try to sedate.
Seems like I'll never get them back,
Well I'll just have to find love within the cup that's in my lap,
So this is a toast to all the alcoholics,
Put up an empty cup, just a little symbolic,
Sacrifice love for a chick that's nymphonic,
And realize it was fine before the Hypnotic,
****
Jun 1, 2013
Jun 1, 2013 at 7:53 AM UTC
A self betrays
It dances through the maze
A sly saboteur within our core
Destroying dreams we once held dear
It whispers doubt, it fuels our fears
Tempting us with wasted years
A saboteur we cant evade
For in ourselves, its roots are laid
But hope still flickers, a steadfast flame
A chance to rise and break the chain
Embrace our flaws, learn to forgive
And self-sabotage, we shall outlive
May 30, 2023
May 30, 2023 at 7:10 PM UTC
Babushka doll, you're an acid vase
Empty as church mornings
Devoid of all feelings;
You unravel your sullen smiles,
Ill-bred and unclean.
You are not complete.
You lost your babies.
Now you're alone.
Darling, darling, darling, how does it feel?
To feel the root of brute in the stubby heel,
Your silly scarves lost in the wheel.
Just peel off the cabbage roses
Petal by Petal,
Dismember yourself.
What a laugh!
The air has asthma,
The sun gives it T.B.
Oh dearie me!
It wheezes kisses heavier than a lecher.
Saboteur of my days,
Why must you hurt what you can?
Because you hate me, hate me.
You are an acid vase full of hate.
I can see your ruddy heart like an X-ray.
Unstick yourself from me.
I don't want you,
Your scarlet lips
Lake Baikal eyes,
or Eastern European knits.
The rings shed their gold.
Knock knock,
Dead at 30.
The last twist of the knife.
Feb 6, 2014
Feb 6, 2014 at 11:05 PM UTC
The beating heart;
red with confusion.
The computing brain;
fighting an insurrection.
The stomach a saboteur;
setting all parties to war.
Awake, asleep? Stuck in between.
Flight taken on shaky wings,
the coldness rips at flesh;
dripping an abundance of mixed images,
body a shattered mess.
A chair; an exotic destination.
A bottle; a nuclear pill at the ready.
A hand; wishes not to take it.
Wired awake, bring it on you *******
Quake at the waves of violence.
Jun 21, 2010
Jun 21, 2010 at 2:55 AM UTC
You,
Lone being
Of enduring kindness,
Your tiny hand touching me tenderly,
Even in the bleakest times.
Dragging me out of the darkness
Even as I continually crawled toward it.
The tortures inflicted,
both blindly and unintentionally
And with premeditation and surety
Should surely not have befallen one so gorgeous of spirit.
It seems now you have lost your faith in me,
As I have failed to fulfill a slew of promises.
But, you do not understand where I stand,
How my hands are shackled
Fettered to the spot,
When we dwelled together
Hell rained down until our hearts were parted.
I do not wish for the intensity of my vile
To drizzle and stain, and burn and brand you.
You are far too precious to me to allow the chance of that.
But, seeing you burn my page from your diary,
Finally and emphatically denouncing me,
I am torn down like a ***** ******
I love you with devout intensity,
And watching you suffer at our separation
It equalled the potential pain of my tint tainting you.
So what am I to do now, kind one?
My smile only masks the agony so long.
Sweet one, whose kiss lasted longest,
Which sadly meant, there were fewer of them.
The clever saboteur will always sabotage us.
The angry cannoneer will always barrage us.
I don't want you to endure such things.
But NEVER stop believing I Love you!
Whatever you see occur,
Never forget this.
Sep 23, 2012
Sep 23, 2012 at 9:13 AM UTC
You’ve always been a midnight saboteur.
From dawn til dusk,
your convictions convince you
but in the honest darkness,
can you be sure?
Your mouth is tangled
by the tales you tell yourself,
cinched tightly--your lips are purse strings.
Since I’ve no confidence with a sword,
will your Gordian knots triumph again?
Too often, you’re enthralled
by the charm of your attic lies,
But tonight,
you’ve finally pulled apart the bad.
Turn on the light and see you’re good.
Feb 4, 2013
Feb 4, 2013 at 9:44 AM UTC
What horrible emotion will I feel?
Anger--I'm being accused of doing something
I'm not doing, never intended to do.
was trying to do the exact opposite of,
and have been identified as a saboteur...
inspiring students to take hard classes
my students wanted to strive but were
turned back...I had committed a crime
Jealousy, my X boss, now at last
walking with the new English department diva
a woman, as spicy as white bread
as electrifying as a jello mold and they walk
along so contentedly, old friends down a tree lined path
through the quad and the blistering sun
and I've been raged at for making a joke about meetings,
a reference to a "Annie Hall" where Hollywood types have meetings for the sake
of more meetings and there is an end note: he gives good meeting
which is the goal...a mobius strip of meetings...around and around we go
treading the meeting notes like water filled with little packing crate styrofoam
making the noise of important work, the movement of it,
but in the end, creating nothing
and...now it's over and what will life be like without this dread
I feel like I can read five books in a day, run twenty miles and
cook a three course vegan meal for five and it would be less stress than
what I've just emerged from.
Jun 5, 2013
Jun 5, 2013 at 7:55 PM UTC
In Easter’s silent night
The beach had held its breath
Reverence for the morning’s might
Sustenance for some, others, death
The swollen belly of the moon
Taunting the depths of impending rapture
A massive haul, soon come, soon!
To spark much frolic and laughter
the sun’s rays began to warm the sands
and footprints followed after
The pulling of seine by many hands
Brought much dismay, if not disaster
Cries of saboteur!
Fingers had never pointed faster
The fault lay with an amateur
“bad lucky” said the wiser
And at the end of morning’s light
When bellys held their breath
The pelicans and gulls squawked in sweet delight
Sustenance for some, others, death
Oct 19, 2011
Oct 19, 2011 at 12:25 AM UTC
Once again I subject
myself to the neglect
and the same heartache
Ive come to expect
As all my good intents
fall into worthlessness
creating this joke
at my own expense
And i already know
I have been down this road before
seeing the same signs that I once ignored
And I already know
the outcome will not change
when all my actions still remain the same.
breaking my neck for
the same outcome as before
Self saboteur
Aug 1, 2013
Aug 1, 2013 at 1:04 PM UTC
Take heed fellow traveler...
For inside the mind of every man
There is a saboteur
Wreaking havoc in your head
Filling you with dread
This saboteur is silent
Only you can hear its voice
Pounding in your senses
With every single choice
Do not lock yourself away
With a scheming saboteur
Or place yourself within its path
Or attempt to cure it of its wrath
You may think to follow it a while
That selfish saboteur
A word of caution:
With every mile, room, and tile
The saboteur holds your very soul on trial
While you suffer from the stress
Of trying to be your best
The saboteur is the one who stirs
Giving you no rest
However...
If you still struggle to seek it out
Or make this picture clearer
To learn the face of a saboteur
You need only find a mirror
Oct 30, 2015
Oct 30, 2015 at 8:07 PM UTC
The word slips. A sound
that can resonate for a lifetime;
A diminished sense of purpose
is replenished in that solitary tone,
as the days spent in mourning
join everything else that has since expired.
The reason has long left
my train of thought
- woven by past joy and present longing
- which distorts and twists
until the word fits
comfortably in the empty room.
A canvas grazed once by colour
can never again be pure;
Such is the mind of a self-saboteur;
sensitive to all but myself.
Afraid to ask for help
to drown out that word
and chase my reprieve,
as the bare walls
which bear my regrets
pick me apart
piece by piece.
Jul 9, 2012
Jul 9, 2012 at 1:07 PM UTC
And now what?
(now nothing)
Self-saboteur,
unhappy with being only unhappy,
will you not stop
until you are completely miserable?
(i do not deserve happiness)
Will you continue until
nothing is good and
your company is avoided?
(i do not deserve goodness or friends)
Why do you so strangely insist
on thwarting contentment?
(i do not deserve to be unbroken)
Why will you not love you?
(i am unlovable)
But we care, we do care.
(then you are wrong)
We want to see you smile.
(only poison comes from my mouth)
We want to see you happy.
(you are not listening)
Sep 2, 2019
Sep 2, 2019 at 3:14 PM UTC
My poetic subterfuge,
Is little more than a small boy's kiss,
Gone awry in the mix of things,
For all the pretty thoughts I miss.
Who am I to lie to you?
I thought when we first met.
I spoke to you in riddles,
Saying I hadn't lied quite yet.
Are the words "ruin what we've got"
Just enacted like a phrase?
You were dancing all around me,
And I was in a daze.
Getting caught up in the moments,
Little blades of grass,
Watching the sunset fall,
As we let the moment pass.
In the end I was wrong,
It wasn't us inside that song.
I find myself the bitter fool,
Who let himself get pulled along.
You never meant to hurt me,
I could see it in your eyes.
The difference then, between us,
Was made from my cruel lies.
Never thought it'd matter,
I was spatter on the wall.
After all, it wasn't subtle,
I crashed to end the fall.
Sep 23, 2010
Sep 23, 2010 at 4:12 AM UTC
A cancer's eating
Through our core,
With tendrils gnawing
Every shore;
A virus leaping firewalls,
A dis-ease too apalling;
Advancing by some sick allure.
No use in praying for a cure,
The saviour is the saboteur;
No vaccine can **** its spore.
Its mucous is racist;
Its nucleus is sexist;
Its atoms are prejudiced;
Its carriers are bigots;
It's hungering for more;
And it's at my front door.
Nov 18, 2015
Nov 18, 2015 at 9:37 AM UTC
Oh Valentine,
Sweet blushing bride.
I never can call you mine,
Not in this lifetime.
Taken away,
Never had a chance to stay.
One day you'll pay,
Maybe when you walk away in May.
You were my love,
Clearly sent from above.
My pierced and stained dove,
I fear it is me who has had enough.
She crept into my life,
Bearing her claws and holding a knife.
Took me to great heights,
In the dead of winter's nights.
Hasn't moved on,
Can't see the light of dawn.
She'll write all her sad songs,
Not knowing if she can even last too long.
Yet I wrap my arms around her,
Love my disease and my cure.
Keep close my beautiful saboteur,
And drink her bittersweet liquor.
Feb 13, 2013
Feb 13, 2013 at 9:38 PM UTC
Slender and tenuous reasons
Run through the droplets of motive
Which impel us in our actions
Direct us to our self-fulfilling fates
Our cleverly devised mistakes
For we each bear the scars
Of our own fatal flaws
Victims of our own design
As I have been of mine
Haven't you?
I am the saboteur of my dreams
Picking at the seams
Of a braver me
A wiser and unlikelier me
All my tendencies and traits
Conspire and defeat me
To subtly beat me
About my empty head
With every word I've said
Every thought I've had
And that's why
By Phil Roberts
Oct 22, 2016
Oct 22, 2016 at 6:30 AM UTC
Here it is; my body of work
Lately I've been showing off the other kind
Not that I'm complaining though
It has been such a long time
So what is going on inside my head?
Feeling fear, and doubt, and nervous
Pretty soon I'll start confusing you
Accidentally on purpose
With all this space around me
How can I feel like I need more?
"You should know that I'm nothing but a lousy,
Selfish, drunken man-whore."
These and other ways to leave your lover
Before the loving even starts
Paul Simon never wrote this tune
I've got that **** on lock
Burning bridges while they're being built
Such an unsubtle self-saboteur
Way to go there hot shot
What the hell did you do that for
Dec 27, 2013
Dec 27, 2013 at 1:59 AM UTC
There's a secret saboteur,
hidden within everyone
Fashioning his cloak and dagger
for a twisted bit of fun
The use of his first artifact is
to eclipse the Inner Sun
The purpose of the second is for
tearing holes so light may run
Through an ever looming darkness
which obscures the thought of hope
Extending brittle olive branches
or frayed lengths of climbing rope, so
That his ploys will surely tempt you
that you'll try, and that you'll fail
Til his sadistic plotting leaves you
feeling withered, weak, and frail
So joyously, he toys with thee,
to watch his sullen victim
And thrives upon the notion that
thou never wilt evict him
For how such lavish luxury
couldst ever thou afford
When thou art but a lowly serf
and He, a mighty Lord?
But if you only knew the truth
it'd surely set you free!
That deep below the surface
he is you, and you are he.
So, discipline this phantom
tell him that you've had enough!
He struggles in control of you
but you have called his bluff!
So now, you shatter chains that bind you
now you break the psychic yoke
So now, you seize from him the dagger
now you rip to shreds the cloak.
Feb 2, 2019
Feb 2, 2019 at 12:58 AM UTC