God, the concept is a highly controversial one. A subject of peace, love, war and bloodshed. A being that cannot be described nor conceived by human thought alone. What is God? It differs from mortal to mortal. Each person is shaped by their many different susceptibility hypothesis. In that their environment of social, religious and external factors would impact on their perception of things in the world. For example a child brought up with little kindness and love grows to be ever angry and insecure. God, is thus the same, if we are brought up with God or Godless or spiritual, in what manner do we view our own personal God? And how do we come to find him, her or them?
I found God, not in my upbringing nor in religion. But, within my sorrow. In my time of need God came to me. Whether through neurosis or supernatural happenings I cannot say. However, I do believe God is not found in the joy or smile of a face, but of the trials and strife we come to face in our lives. Whether through illness, grief, heartbreak, **** or whatever befalls you, you may find God or God may come to you. It is how you perceive it, is what really matters.
I found God truly, not just in fashion or in an elite manner to give myself a self image, but in soul, whilst I broke down. I broke down at university after years of suppressing my many demons. I shall not go into detail, that is rather tiresome. But I can say God gave me strength not through my Welsh nor Jewish blood, but through my willingness to survive.
My ability to carry on as we shall say, has made me see the world in greater vision. With understanding, empathy and of acquiring a more accepting nature. The days of misandry are over, the times of hatred towards religion are gone, and my angry atheist approach gave the wrong impression of my fellow atheists. I was once bitter and cruel, with hatred in God rather than disbelief, and hatred in those who worshipped and believed. I now understand it is to both love and respect the knowledge and belief of others, no matter what difference in the path we may take.
For I, believe we are ALL children of God. He or she or them is too great of a creator to judge us merely by faith alone. But by the pureness of our souls, by our selfless deeds and true intentions are we judged accordingly. A faithful Catholic will be purged if they may abuse the innocent child, a starch atheist may be accepted into God's grace through their charitable works. A heterosexual woman may be sinful for cheating, but a homosexual man may still be far more just and kind to his lover and thus far more virtuous.
God put me through hell, so I may come to understand heaven. As in what mankind may achieve if we work together. May we overcome the evolution of diseases, of global warming, the evils or abuse, ******, **** and war. The injustice of bullying and discrimination. God gave us a mind so complex and yet so flawed, so we may master it to his or her or their grace. Science is one manner of understanding God. Religion answers why, science answers how.
I found God, lying in my bed, a stomach in churning agony. A body battling an overdoes of a bottle of *** and a vast amount of painkillers. In the sweat of torment and nausea, did a white cool mist appear at my feet. It floated with grace and made its way to embrace me. Why you ask or how? How maybe due to my BPD or PTSD.
Why, is because hours before in a state of screams and suicide I shouted to God as I downed my pills and sliced myself up. I called to him or her or them, begging for help and aid. For answers, for questions but above all love. Thus, God came down to show me love. Even when I wanted to die, God made me live.
