The value of appreciation has depreciated.

This is a cruel fact, I must say
For every action- we shouldn't expect a reaction
At least a ‘thank you’ would suffice

But no.

Stony glares and mockery,
That's what I ever get.

I know the contours of your face,

    time molded it like clay

      depreciated by blue moons,

your eyes are still deep pools

   of history's mysteries and grace,

lived a thousand deaths,

    exhaled many more intentions  

years have deemed you wise,

  yet, you never falter to inquire

       universal burning notions,

   exactly why your infectious smile  

        appears younger than

               springtime baby's breath

“By any means necessary”
Words of encouragement to my self-depreciated soul

Pure happiness coming at a premium
The outside world strips me; making me its *****

Strange lips and unfamiliar hands cradle me
Satisfaction in this sense is only temporary

Criticism coming from every direction
Questioning whether my lifestyle is necessary

I’ve never enjoyed my naked predicament
However, it’s my only productive option

Allowing simpletons to simply have their way
Faking pleasure, keeping my pain locked in

After so much abuse, I try to be a man
Clothing myself again, ******* up the tears

The world has other ideas
Unleashing every one of my fears

Again, cold and abandoned
I find myself back at square one

Becoming a slave to the world
Just another form of prostitution

Fear is interesting.
It strengthens some.
Makes some irrational.
Cripples me in my tracks.
I fear, that I am not good enough.
Not for others, for myself.

A thistle is just enough
to encumber a ruff
rider through the hills
never mind the flour mills
to process and possess
and gain interest
on fervent capital gains
which are not worth the pains
for glory be told
for those who'd rather be old
and grey without headfeathers
and times naught but better
have then the vanity
to spew chicanery
to delve into the society
of anti-sobriety
and them then who lost
streetwise cost
but for the depreciated stock
which will be bought up by the flock
will credit its debits
to gangs that met its
match to the makers
and the tough men shakers
who make it possible to move
product without anything else to prove
than to their mothers
dead fathers and brothers
that one can make a living
off of *******, soul ******* and killing.

Reflection
will distort this moment—

(an oasis
in the desert of memory)

the simple
wonder of the instant diminished

as gemstones
depreciated by display upon

a gold band.


Focus fades
in inching instants

(a shutter
slowly closing over a lens)

and we
imperceptibly surrender

clarity
to these evanescing essences of

youth and reminiscence.

Tears of creation
fall from the overcast blanketing
of the billowy, white fields overhead,
blended with a requiem
that only the absence of dawn could manifest,
and kissed upon
by the ever-fluorescent canvases
of smoke, and flame
that carelessly intrude
upon the horizon.

Oh,

how fastidious is the misting
that blesses this premature day,
invoking a spontaneity
within the mundane clockworkings
that symbolically define
the average,
the everyday
and the norm.

Glorious is this sight to behold.

Not only by our soulpanes,
but through the remainder;
our entire spectrum of sensory awareness
that we are so gifted to have received,
yet,
rarely do their values go little more
than depreciated.

The refreshment
that quenches our starving skin,
and slowly enfilms us
with the caressings of unrequited purity.

The dampening of the air
that perpetually enthralls
even the most tolerant
resisters to aroma.

The crispness;
unadulterated,
and without perversions of the modern day;
enrapturous are the resonant entrails of the strata
that ever so gently envelop,
and awaken our slumbering buds.

And finally,
but without conviction,
the resound of symphonic harmony,
abound with the alluring enchantment
that,
in seamless refrain,
could only be achieved
by such a reverent miracle of nature.

These are the moments in which I revel.

And blessed be Her,
who benevolently grants us
with such an immaculance
of cornerless beauty.

Graceful, and sacred is the oasis in the sky.

No longer let our voices fall to a whispering
march of death. Jam your baritones and
inflections through songs for a god gone
dead

Make the earth shudder under your footsteps
as you let the wind take the pages like
a flickering flame

Make your presence known through the howling
sleet and rain - scream in the faces of distorted
kings, spit on their robes and **** in their eyes

Cast your fury like the waves and witness the smoke
of god vanish in the shadow of a cat, feast upon the
words that wither like the grass

Smear the self indulgent prophets in sweat and mud,
drown the child of the Euphrates and **** on his
holy stone

Go horse in your burning wrath, ******* wretched
Isaiah, suffocate him in the wallowing tears of Job,
let the blood of your hatred flow like wine

Drink of your consummate supplication steeped
in rage and disgust.

Let it sustain you to shake the pillars
and columns of his temple to the ground

Dictate your commands and bask in the boundless
power your existence brings to bear upon the weak
and know you and the fake god you hate

are one.

*This is an old one from my depreciated poetry blog found here: http://www.letthewords.blogspot.com/

Lost in her own reverie, she stared out the window
admiring nature's delivery and
remaining immobile like an alert black widow .
Even the infinitesimal of creations were deeply appreciated.
Unfortunately, her liberation has depreciated .
All forms of colour slowly fade to monochrome.
At first glance , trees and vast greens are luscious.
The sounds and mood of the earth are now monotone .
From the rambunctious days to contentious rules ablaze. 
My sneaking suspicions of a partner has only made me still appreciate monochrome.
For now , that is all I can do as I constantly wonder ..

Please hold for an obligatory moment of silence, mute in its act, wordless in its perpetration.
Place artificial flowers on outer lapels, held in place with no concentration.

Feudal rivalries resurrected for resources and land…to be ripped from the native source’s hand.

Pitiful glances at battle worn soldiers, still praising ideology projecting them as a supported saviour.
Unregretful acts lead one to question their behaviour.

Service dogs doled out in bulk, preventing an army of PTS Banners from turning Hulk.

These discretionary acts of ill will mutilate the concept of freedom, and men who fought to uphold its worth.
These incendiary pacts on parliament hill, fumigating for roaches of aspersion, are bastardizing a new world’s birth.

Carriers’ return home, housing the long departed, not to be thanked, not to be appreciated, but to be ******, for unholy, sanctified acts.
Permitted parade zone, rousing the socially guarded, to be spanked, depreciated, and deemed unworthy to stand, before coyly rectified rats

With no possible maps nor signs

Higher than the Everest pinnacle

Braving poverty damning thorns

Against tidal waves of angst youth

Congratulations, you have conquered World War II;

                                                        
There is not enough time for celebration--

You are the soldier

Onto your next battle

Depreciated in value
                      
Shunned for weakness

Scorned as a burden

All battles must end with a narrated full stop

You did your best; you fought the good fight!

Time is too short for anything-- may you read this letter in heaven.            


P. S: Congratulations, It was almost a century since.

A day will come when those roseate lips will be wrinkled black
when that flexible and slender waist will be a bended back
when that hair you fried in search of exotic beauty
will one by one shed off until there's nothing left on your head
when that big sensual artificially induced *****
will progressively shrink and their bright shine will fade
time will come when your ballooned succulent firm *******
will deflate and turn into two flabby pieces of meat
when that graceful saunter that you've embraced
will be no more for those strong bones will be deadbeat
someday those bright eyes will be grotesquely sunken
toothless, your precious white teeth will all be broken
all those features that steal millions of souls and rob so many hearts
those that command respect and attract lustful love
from desperate suitors some of whom you feel don't deserve
will someday be depreciated and rusted invaluable parts
someday instead of being the art piece that you are
you'll be a pinnacle of horror to the oblivious of the beaut you were
you'll want love but only command passionate hate
enjoy your youth... right ahead awaits nature's terrible fate

I paint on my face a smile with gaunt eyes
let the thick black paint run as I then cry,
powerless, hopeful, juvenile and woeful
mouthing lyrics full of idolisation and little wonder

It wasn't what I'd confessed
intoxicated with *****, both cursed yet blessed
a Pariah of the teen age, from twisted adolescence reborn
weeping as pride lies at my feet soiled and torn

cross-dressing to impress the mirrors
using the inner freak to abstain my filthy measures
verging upon the cusp of a downward abyss
of severe mental health and nothingness

through smoke my vision's blurred
self respect depreciated and curdled
killing the strength that carried me through
looking at my reflection and thinking oh

you lil' wonder -
you lil' wonder, you

She lives in her books,
seeking fiction where there is truth.
“I’ll make it mine!” she cries,
seeking friendship in lie.
To be renowned, respected, revered
is her wish.
No longer depreciated, despised, detested.

“I’ll help you all!” she cries,
wanting to force what she cannot.
If only she’d stop and think,
maybe then she’d earn it.
Their trust.

Did you mistake empathy in my eyes,
my face deathly white and dead
as deep down something broken cries

I shattered myself and was born anew
from the blank numbness an epiphany grew
for why should I care about others
when I'm dejected by all, the darkness covers,

there are rings around my sockets
but I'm wearing designer shirts with fortune in my pockets
my words, once cracked, now slyly lilt
embers of mistrust glow from what I was built

the Thin White Joke has returned
and away the fog of depression he burns
a depreciated figure approaching from the darkness
his strength and bitterness I harness

for I'm desperate, I needed a way out
when I reached to those I loved they ignored my shouts,
so now I've turned to the cruellest corner of my mind
for I know with the Badrock Lover happiness I will find.

Whats up
How you living?
How you been? How's your friends?
Its been too long, it's a sin

How them funds bo?
You an investor, no?
I got a buddy in Paris selling guns yo
This ain't for fun though
I'm talking real cash back
Im only here with the cold hard facts

"Hm, I doubt that
Its been 4 years since you were ran out of town and now you bounce back?
And now you're with the facts?
Now you're not a hack?

Look you made me and its appreciated
But you understand that **** is depreciated
Because the wrong choice you debated too
Now its time to meet who created you"

CLACK

Oh no
My blood is so warm
But my body is so cold
This wasn't supposed to happen,  I was supposed to grow old!

To do what kid? Nothing is given
Give one good reason to return you to the land of the living
Your time is up, these are the last seconds before atonement
You oughtta be treasuring these moments

Well where am I going? Hell?
Me and Lucy have a lot in common
I was an angel and I fell

You think your afterlife is made by one decision?
And you still hung up on superstion?
Listen, that choice you debated hasn't got anything to do with where you're fated
Ha! This belated inflated charm of your won't work snakeman

And who the hell are you?

Me? I'm death, I'm life
I'm passion, jealously, I'm Christ
I'm Moses high upon the mountain
I'm buddha, I'm Mohammed drinking from the fountain.
I'm Newton sitting under and apple tree
I'm everything that can and will be
But so are you

So what I thought was true, I am a god amongst men

Nah, youre the universe's whim
And you aren't going back

Ive learned nothing
And then it all went black

-
bypassing the construct of
a paragraph.

necro-sculpture
                          that is bucling
point for normies...
akin to
                the solitude of
             watching a television...
              i managed
to grasp the worth of
                      a tomb
      as if i perpetually
had itchy fingers...
               the last time i forgot
walking through
                      museums,
i had the "pleasure"
of walking into
         two cemetaries,
with two
                    funerals taking
place...
      yes, i can ******* count!

   crow, two wings,
one tail, two legs,
looks like a god begotten as
a hunchback reduced to
walking,
among birds,
  the most curious specimen...

              the price you pay for
appreciating necro-sculpture...
entertaining funerals...
                      oh great...
now i get to fiddle with
content providers while choking
on slavic toilet brushing
sessions...
                 call the indigestion
police...
                  
   because at what point
is the appreciation of necro-sculpture
the necessary appreciation
of greek marbles?!

                          shveeden he-veen....
   *******...
                     how unfortunate of me
to appreciate necro-sculpture,
and also have to entertain
              two funeral processions...
                          if ever
there came a better appreciation
of wood,
       it sure as **** wouldn't come
in that sort of carving,
worth a depreciated form of door,
and instead, elaborate:
                               packaging.

I have pleaded for a very long time with you and myself for a solution to the doubts and suspicions you had. I would take them away from you in a heart beat if i could, and that is why i spent 9 months swallowing my dignity and taking hits from your anger, because i understood it came from a genuine place of frustration.

"If you lied because we were in a bad place then you would have no reason to be honest since then."
This statement really confused me because the place we were in that caused me to lie, looking back, would not have caused you to break up with me had i been up front with you before confirming to go on a very random lunch. In my head when justifying myself, we were in a comparably bad place for a meaningless lunch to occupy your mind (and i now know this alone should have caused me to never go from the start, and that i do not have to feel obligated to be nice to people that mean little to nothing to me), because it was not important to focus on while we worked on us. I understand lying was the worst thing to do, but it was because i did not want a distraction from working towards a happy future together. You were all i had. It is not worth the unnecessary pain i put you through, and even if you are ever able to see the truth i will forever know i did this to you because of my poor judgement. I am sorry for this and will be for the rest of my life.

The bad place we are in now is different, with us being in this place because of my poorly decided decision to lie for the better good of what i thought would help us focus. To continue any lie since i told you everything would not help to sustain a real relationship, which is what we are now fighting for now. I am not concealing anything anymore because this is more serious of an issue, which is why it has been 9 months as opposed to the week it usually takes us to sort out things. I lied when i did not think it was meaningful enough to worry about, and with someone i have held so dear to me i cannot afford to not be honest ever again.

I hate addressing details because i have said this all before and it doesn't seem to help, but i want to speak on the discharge. Ever since you have known me i have had discharge and always wore a liner, and i'm sure this is something you have always known unless i dabble with thongs for you. Even my mother is aware of this, and if were sharing everything i have been to doctors for this, but i was told it is normal for my body if it is a daily thing that doesnt change. Just like my period, it is abnormally normal. I had never been sexually active before you, and liners were already a normal daily occurrence for me. Not to give too much detail because i was always insecure about the amount i have had daily since i began my period in middle school, but i change my liner (which i constantly have in my backpack) almost every 4 hours or so.

Normal girls don't usually have a problem with discharge whether they are *****, exercising, or just existing, liners are meant to be used solely towards the end of periods. Changing often throughout my day is a schedule i have had in my mind for years prior to working out, and with working out came more frequency to change it.
I went to lunch after morning zumba and a psych class, and i left in so much of a rush to see you after i finished my meal i was not as **** i as usually am about that kind of hygiene. I was also still wearing my gym clothes that day because we did not sweat as much as usual, which meant it was one of few days i did not shower after zumba. Combine all this with me in a horrible and guilt inducing panic, and you have me with nasty stuff i try so hard to hide from you on a normal day basis. I have no control of my body, and i understand that normally discharge means something ******, but my body has never been strictly like that. No matter what causes the discharge, it will look the same if it has been there for awhile (aka since the morning due to zumba). Been there implies both still inside me and on the liner itself (i know its tmi but it is important you understand, it exits my body when i go to the bathroom or simply just exist throughout the day, or quite possibly when i am ***** to make room for new discharge. These are all reasons as to why i wear liner constantly. That is probably why it was there, given i got very ***** when we were in your room so it got rid of things from my workout that morning. I have had this body and problem since i was 12, so i really hope you see that i mean it when i say this was most definitely the reason for what you thought was new). If we are sexually active and i do not handle it in the bathroom promptly after, it will be the same consistency later on. I know that sounds like a long winded explanation, but that honestly is the reason for any discharge ever for me, and i really don't have anything to lose if you knowing details like this could show you the truth.

The extent of my discharge is frustrating to me to hold as a reason that i have wronged you, because it is absolutely not due to me doing anything ****** with another person, let alone not from even being *****.  This again comes to knowing me as a person. When you first saw me naked and wanted to eat me out, and im sure for awhile after that, i was always particularly dry down there because of me over cleaning what i have always struggled with. I am very self conscious about this and i hope i made sense explaining this, given the only person who knows close to as much about this is my mother, so i have never had to truly explain it before. I believe going back to day one of knowing me should help piece together what i have been trying to tell you for so long.

As for my *****-ness, this was the first and only time i had lied to you, and i was so ashamed for such a stupid lie i was very excited and appreciative to hug and kiss you, feel your embrace and have you call me yours. I felt so unbelievably bad even though i did nothing, and could not have been happier to see you, especially due to the fact you were upset with me the night before (it could have been a couple due to the weekend, its hard to remember now but i do know we talked in a car and it ended badly before i had to leave) and having you upset at me for just about anything makes me so sorry and miss you so much.
I am and have always been ***** for just you, and i feel i have been more comfortable to express that this last year than others, as i have become more comfortable speaking intimately like that with you.

My judgement was wrong when i sided with zeze, but we were both deceived, as well as literally all of my other friends, just so he could get in her pants. I mean this when i say it was everyone, amar, saba, ayah, reema, me, zeze, reem. Everyone repeated that he was such a great person and zeze had nothing to worry about. It seemed so ridiculous that we could all be that stupid, and i hate that us "knowing" him from high school gave him some sort of advantage. It wasn't a lack of desire to cut him off, just us giving people the benefit of the doubt that did not deserve it, because we thought we knew the person he was. With all this said, i could not be more sorry for not seeing your intuition for what i now know is the truth, and i have said this before. I am sorry, you were 100% right and i am ashamed for not believing you.

I love your mother dearly,
but i was not exploring my options.
I knew the ******* and everyone else in my friend group since high school, and i never wanted to pursue them and therefore never have.
I knew you for two days and fell in love with you.

You are my everything, and you became that the first time we sat in the ugl together and you completely boggled my brain. You bring me things i did not know i could obtain from another person, and even with you thinking the worst of me my love has never wavered.


I know this is a lot, but I write this because no matter how angry i am to think you could see me wanting to do something with anyone else but you, i love you more than i see myself ever loving anyone. Please don't make me convince you anymore that i love you enough to never want/have wanted anything or anyone else in my life, because that has been the hardest part. I have been with you through your worst times, and when i lied we had finally gotten through so much of it. I'm so sorry.

I will never forgive myself for believing that any lie, even if it was small and meaningless in my mind, would be okay and cause for a better focus and future. I was not in the right head space at that point in time, where it was the beginning of isolation from my friends. I also had moved back home after leaving for the first time, and because of this, also isolated by my family that has still been going on till this day. I should have known better than to even plant a seed of doubt in someone who was my rock and my everything. I am so sorry for thinking that any lie is okay, no matter how harmless i think it is. I knew this prior to lying, and it was just a bad and panicked judgment call that should not have happened. This was a panic that existed solely because you were all i had left in my life that i cherished more than anything, and did not want to give anyone or anything a reason to take you away. Even with you struggling with yourself at the time, i honestly believe you would not have been as angry with me as i thought you would be. There was no reason to believe you wouldn't have understood the awkward position i was in, and i really ****** up for choosing to lie to spare you from being uncomfortable. Granted, you probably would have given me the amazing advice to simply not feel obligated to have lunch with someone i didn't know too well anymore just to be nice, and none of this would have happened. I know that now and i really hope my mistake wont ultimately rip away the most valuable person i have for reasons far worse than what actually happened.
If thats not karma, i dont know what is.

To a certain extent i deserve what i got to show me no lie is an okay one, but i refuse to lose you over something that i did not do. It took a lot for me to own up to such a big mistake, and i feel my courage was depreciated because of the what if's it created. I do not blame you for having them, but after so long i just wish you could see how they are not plausible.

Please imagine yourself in my shoes, and how frustrating it is to be so stubbornly accused of something you did not do for so long.

I had no reason to seek other people, i was finally happy to see you having the mental energy to start to rebuild yourself into the beautiful person i have always seen you to be.

I really want to forgive you, but i genuinely cannot while knowing that you believe i am capable of cheating. I also cannot see how you can say you forgive me when you still doubt my truth. I do not understand what exactly you forgive if you still do not believe me. It makes all my efforts to keep such a beautiful soul in my life for nothing if you do not see my truth for what it is. I spent so much of my being to help you realize i am being truthful, and to lose you after so many months of commitment breaks me. I feel as though maybe your mind is stubbornly using these false accusations as an excuse to move on without guilt for other reasons, or just using my existence as a way to remove all your life frustrations without fully realizing it. I mean it to the very bottom of my core when i say i have never strayed from the desire of you and just you. I would not plea for months to a person and put them through all this, or myself frankly, if i was not being completely honest in what i'm fighting for. I chose you bean, and after being **** on for something i did not do i was still willing to chose you.

I was undoubtedly convinced that this year was certainly going to show you how ridiculous the accusations were and your worth to me, and end with you finally giving me at least the beginning pieces of trust i have fought so hard to regain. Maybe i now must realize i am simply not enough. I did more than i thought was humanly possible to fight for someone. I hope this moved you in some way, because it is the last ounce of energy i have in my body to give away. This has ****** me up for so long, please believe me in everything i have told you. You are not a fool, and it would mean the world to not be thrown away for false accusations. For everything i have done for you, please do me this kindness and remember me for who you know me to be. And please mean it fully and truly if you ever decide to do so.

I love you so much Thomas.

Before money, exchange,

was possession transfer.


Barter arrived later, with

it came valuation systems.


That ushered in weights

and measure estimations.


Political ransom followed,

such as The Holocaust.


This was an incalculable

product (to be reimbursed).


Since the Gaza Genocide,

it has totally depreciated.


Palestine is where people

with empathy invest now.

i don't feel appreciated
or loved
or wanted here

everyone's taken a bite out of me
who'd want a person
everyone's been near

value depreciated
through the wear and tear
throughout the years

my body count
only serves
to fuel misguided fears