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∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞­∞∞

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞­∞∞∞∞∞∞

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞­∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
∞∞­∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

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thgbfbdf Sep 2015
@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist uk
thgbfbdf Sep 2015
@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk, @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ black magic specialist baba ji in uk,
thgbfbdf Sep 2015
@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noida @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ love marriage specialist babab ji delhi noidav
thgbfbdf Sep 2015
@@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba @@ ➇➄➅➅0➇➀00 @@ Love Marriage Specialist Baba v
Heather Harlot Jun 2015
12:00 am: go to sleep. You've long run out of short tasks to distract you from the heaviness of your body, made of rags soaking in the waters of your despair, and you've quite forgotten why you're awake in the first place. Girl, wring out your fingers, and go to sleep.

1:00 am: sleep is your cold husband on the other side of the bed, tugging the covers away and not sharing in the madness and sacrifice of this night; he has left you behind, girl. You can't remember his last embrace. He lays there, in his silent refusal to acknowledge your desire for him, unloving and untouchable.

2:00 am: you imagine your favorite cartoon characters from the stripes of light on your ceiling. Where is that light coming from? Your neighbor's back porch possibly, bit you don't really know.

3:00 am: you get up with motivation to do something nice for yourself. You haven't surprised yourself in a long time. You start to clean your room. By 3:15, you are lying down again. You're not sure you deserved the hassle in the first place.

4:00 am: you figure that it might be simpler to start your day now, but 4:00 am as a concept puzzles you. The lines are too blurred; is it today yet or am I still living yesterday? By the end of the hour, you decide it is a trick question. There are no lines at all.

5:00 am: suddenly, you realize there is something wicked about the last lingering moments of nighttime and the birthing breaths of morning, that being on a bridge between two opposite places is more like tightrope walking on a rope that extends from both ends the further you walk to one side or the other. Girl, you stand immobilized, barely balanced, above the widest abyss.

6:00 am: you accept the rising of the sun upon you as if mourning the loss of your mistress moon, who leaves you unceremoniously and with only an emaciated duplicate of herself, receding into your back brain, hand-in-hand with the You who only exists in the night time. They'll be back, girl.

7:00 am: showers need to be scalding hot for you to forget your skin. The steam floods you. You are all but present.

8:00 am: you don't precisely look like you in that big mirror in your front hallway. You look lost under coats of time and grief. Girl, who are you trying to forget?

9:00 am: people are talking all around you. Their voices blend together.

10:00 am: despite what you've told your friends, you do have somewhere to be, but that place does not miss you.

11:00 am: maybe it is all in your head.

12:00 pm: if it's all in your head, why does it nest inside your body? It makes a home in all your valleys and canyons and its voice echoes through you - "What you are looking for is not here either."

1:00 pm: you do pay attention in class this time, but only to not notice the boy behind you who reminds you that everybody will leave you.

2:00 pm: you, too, will leave you.

3:00 pm: the bell rings. Another echo vibrates you. "Are you still here?"

4:00 pm: at this point, the only thing that sobers you is holding your father's painkillers in your hand. You play with the childproof cap. You miss the days when you'd wake mom up in the middle of the night and ask her to open it because your perception of your pain is so simplistic and temporary that all you need is what's in that bottle. But now you will not open it.

5:00 pm: you walk the dog. The tips of the grass give you a crawling sensation on your ankles, and it's too unpleasant. You want to leave. The earth is communicating with you. "You don't belong here either."

6:00 pm: I - nevermind.

7:00 pm: you try to understand the way your heartbeat accelerates when people say goodbye. The hurt explodes off the top of your head, sizzling like fireworks. At the end of the day, you are the only burn victim in this flaming building.

8:00 pm: "Are you still here?"

9:00 pm: girl, you're cracking open at your seams and you can't fill those spaces with other people's stories anymore, empty, cellophane wrapped intimacy. Do you remember what it feels like to be touched?

10:00 pm: even the moments that you're in can't tolerate you anymore. You exhaust your seconds and they escape you, like everybody else. You lost the last natural blessing that means anything. You are alone. For God's sake, why are you still here?

11:00 pm: your mother is right. This is drama. Your father is right. You're a bad example. Your lover is right. You've got nothing to offer. Girl, why are you still here? You are the hurricane taking yourself down. You are ripping your own roof off and shattering your own windows; you step on the glass and debris and curse God for his carelessness, his heartlessness, his terrorism. He doesn't respond. God has left too.

12:00 am: you surrender to the sounds of the storm and finally get some sleep.
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Skylar Keith Jan 2018
20:00 - Dinner
Alone but entertained
I like it that way

21:00 - Skype calls
Not having talked for four days
I've missed her yet the occasional silence is nice

22:00 - Fillers
Scrolling through pictures and sharing thoughts
A pleasant and calm feeling

23:00 - Rethinking
The first hypothetical theories about the day
Laughing at the slip-ups to push them away

00:00 - Reflecting
Doubting choices throughout the week
Faking a small smile

01:00 - Endurance
A familiar feeling spreads
Downcast eyes and a facade of peace

02:00 - Creative
New ideas and thoughts fill up the space
Pick and choosing which ones would hurt the most now

03:00 - Idealistic
Reading stories about happiness, pain and change
Wondering what will become of me

04:00 - Closure
Horrible thoughts tearing down the last walls
Curling up and crying again

05:00 - End
Following a familiar routine before sleep comes
Cradling the broken mind
A familiar Routine
Maja Mar 2020
20:00
I went up to my room
21:00
It disappeared, the light
22:00
my family went to sleep
23:00
now my only company, the night
00:00
I can't sleep and go down for a snack
01:00
I’m all alone now
02:00
I’m surrounded by black
03:00
I started to cry
04:00
my eyelids got heavy
05:00
hello, a new day
06:00
peace - goodbye
goodbye peace.
Jesse Alexander Apr 2015
It gets to me seeing that you're better off without me. Or better yet, seeing how you're exactly the same as you were with me. It ***** how that proves that I had no impact on your happiness and that you were never mine. Thinking about how I was just "there" is a weight on my chest that I'm not strong enough to simply lift off and put down. And in my weakness all I want to do is tell you I miss you. I ******* hate that I know your response to that will be a burden on you and will only make me feel weaker for missing someone who's mind I no longer cross.

At 00:22 6 months ago I was tearing tape off your ******* and gently bruising your collarbones. At 00:22 5 months ago I didn't care about you. At 00:22 4 months ago I'd be lying in bed while we exchanged anything that was on our minds between failed playful sext attempts. At 00:22 3 months ago my lips were touching yours but you weren't mine. 2 months ago I came to the realization that you never were.

It's 00:22 and I'm being kept awake by study drugs I shouldn't be taking and instead of reading over the Berlin Blockade I'm writing about you because these memories are it. There'll never be any more of you in my life. As much as I miss you I no longer have the feeling fueled drive to make an effort, guess that's one thing we have in common now.

It's crazy how I can ignore everything that's made me happy in your absence and neglect the newcomers that have made me feel again.
But it's 00:37 and I'm looking at pictures of you and you don't look so beautiful anymore. What I once saw as flawless, followed by what I saw as flaws alone, is just another pretty face.

It's 00:58 and the weight is gone.
But 00:22 will come again.
it came back for the first time in a while
luis Nov 2017
10:00 A.M.
Battery: 100%

12:00 P.M.
Battery: 80%

2:00 P.M.
Battery: 67%

4:00 P.M.
Battery: 45%

6:00 P.M.
Battery: 30%

8:00 P.M.
Battery: 10%

10:00 P.M.
Battery: 0%

10:03 P.M.
Notification: You have one unread message:
from Andrea

"i love you ♥"

10:03 P.M.
...
Battery: 100%
for all the boys and girls who still yearn for love in our digital age
allison May 2016
Monday 10:20 PM
I drank hot tea once you left and I guess I drank it too soon. I burned my ******* mouth.  I think that has a correlation to you leaving me.

Monday 11:00 PM
Please come back.  Please don't really leave.  You promised to always stay.

Monday 11:11 PM
Please, I'm sorry.  I'm begging for you.

Tuesday 12:04 AM
leaves voicemail sobbing

Tuesday 12:25 AM
We can work through this, please. You promised.

Tuesday 1:40 AM
Goodnight, my love. I'll love you forever.

Tuesday 6:00 AM
I hardly slept, I woke up clenching my pillow craving it to be you instead.  It wasn't.  Will it ever be you again?

Tuesday 7:17 AM
I'm not handling this too well.  I really need you.

Tuesday 12:00 PM
I'm going to try and work... I love you.

Tuesday 12:05 PM
leaves voicemail sobbing uncontrollably Work called me off.  I think that's a sign for me to cope at home.  However, I was looking forward to staying busy.

Tuesday 2:37 PM
I love you with my entire being.  Please think about this.  You're ending 9 months in one day.

Tuesday 11:00 PM (INCOMING TEXT)
I hope you're doing okay.

Tuesday 11:01 PM
I've missed you so much.  I'll be okay.

Tuesday 11:10 PM
Please tell me you love me.

Wednesday 1:30 AM
I love you, sweet dreams.

Wednesday 7:30 AM
Good morning, still little sleep.  I can't stop thinking of you.  I wish I could skip work today, I don't really know what's happening to my body right now.  

Wednesday 2:00 PM
I'm trying to hide from everyone at work.  This is really ******* hard.  It's hard to try and act okay while providing good first impressions.

Wednesday 6:00 PM
Can I come over?

Wednesday 6:40 PM
Is it too soon to see you?  Please say no.  I need you.

Wednesday 7:00 PM (INCOMING)
Yes, it's too soon.

Thursday 6:02 AM
I haven't ******* slept at all.  I need to hear your voice.  I keep listening to your voicemail's, but I only get 5 seconds in without crying.  I shouldn't have made you everything.  Now, my everything is gone and not okay.  I'm not okay.  I should have made you at least a little less of everything, so maybe I would be a little OK.  Maybe I would be able to recover that way.

Thursday 12:00 PM
I'm at work again.  It's just as hard.  You're not with me and I've hardly slept this week.  If you were with me though, I'm sure I wouldn't sleep either.  My heart has been pounding out of my chest this entire week. I can't eat either. These have been the only consistencies this week.  That and my dizziness.  I have been so ******* dizzy.  Everything is always spinning.
some days without you
0:00
I fly through the front doors
racing upstairs like hunted prey
praying she didn't see me

1:00
I tear open the make remover
and feverishly rip off
the overpowering
jet black eyeliner

2:00
I steal a glance in the bedroom mirror
and throw on a hoodie over my black shirt
quickly swapping out the black pants for jeans
in a crude attempt to look normal

3:00
I hear her steps ringing off the stairs as my heart beats
sounding together like a drum kit
I pull off my spiked black bracelets
and trinkets
hands shaking palms sweating
as I hide them away

4:00
I feel the door opening before it does and
hope i covered up the look, the spikes hidden
the eyeliner gone
i glance in the mirror and see a pale
empty girl looking back
terrified of being caught

5:00
she asks how my day was while casually looking around the room
her ever seeing eyes falling on my undoing
my small black spiked gothic bracelet
hanging off the desk
sticking out like a sore thumb

6:00
she asks what it is
and looks at me questioningly
talking about how she deposes the style
hates the look
as I fumble for an excuse
of the unusual possession

7:00
I lie, its easy now i do it all the time.
But this was different. I tell her
that its a stupid birthday gift
a throwaway I keep because
friends like to see me wear what they bought
but as I utter the words
I feel like Im stabbing my soul
twisting a knife
calling a part of my identity garbage
telling myself that part of myself is simply a throw away
and despite the fact that I use a fake knife
The sting still feels real
because I know that part of what I say is true
JoyAndPain Jan 2021
i lie in bed. 9:00
i listin to music. 9:05
music turns off. 9:30
i close my eyes. 9:35
i open them again. 9:50
i get water. 10:00
i lie back down. 10:10
i close my eyes. 10:15

i cant sleep.

i fall asleep. 12:00
i dream. 12:30
i dream. 1:00
i dream. 2:00
i dream. 3:00
i dream. 4:00
i dream. 5:00
i wake up. 6:00
i go to school. 7:20
i lie in bed. 9:00

repeat.
idk
Mateuš Conrad Nov 2016
.i. if Kant could have his von Kleist... well... who else to juggle juggernauts if not me? as a task of redeeming that poor soul who succumbed to the terminator of all poetic ambitions, with his systematisation off-the-page, as eccentric and punctual as a sunset on a sundial at 16:11... and in case either the spring of sunrise, or the autumn of sunset... but so many hours after exacting a sunset... that gluttony of the eyes to stare at it... 16:11 is the zenith of a sunset in november the 15th... much prolonged when warmer... supersized sun when setting in summer, and all that whiskey-copper wiring for the eyes to stare at it: oh for goodness sake, who really cares for Ikea likened assembling of words... we're not putting together a coffee table, we're looking for Darwinistic entrapment, we're scared of the aeons and yawns... we're trying to create a Darwinistic entrapment saying what segregates us from apes! that's how anti-Darwinism works - if they can easily call you a poet and a technophobe... then that hardly makes you a merchant with a Quran... to encapsulate the language of our modernity we're doing everything against writing the onomatopoeia of our beginning... monkey ooo! monkey ooo ah ah! or a gorilla grunting and then snorkeling... we're encapsulating our language more and more... because beginning with ape and then looking at history, and then looking at the consensus of the contemporary: Darwinism's greatest enemy is not theology... it's history... Darwinism and history are not compatible... oddly enough Darwinism and theology are compatible, simply because they are dynamically equal for the case of furthering both arguments in debate... but Darwinism is an odd starting point to argue, given that physicists argue from the perspective of prior to dinosaurs, prior to all things formed.

how can i begin this? it will leave me having to
write it for two days,
the anti-narrative sketch first, then filling in
the gaps sober... just to get second opinions...
i might have to cook a quasi-Hungarian borscht
and fry up a few potato flattenings to a crispy
yum... first the narrator comes in to describe what's
in store, a bit like a translator comes in and says
of Joyce: that's Irish... well, yeah.
               hence the italic preface...
as some would say, the person who wrote these
sketches worked quicker that an algorithm in asking
and also quicker to copy & paste the required
atomic encoding... e.g. ч and ch
                   э and euro and epsilon...
      once upon a time there was nothing prior
to Copernicus, then the somersaults came,
    h ч y        what coordinates where?
    well of course perfecting the encoding of something,
if things weren't stated awry there would be
no optometrists either...
                  it's not hard to read, it's hard to
remember how to read, given that being literate reached
the omnipresent velocity, the new powers had to
include some new power struggle...
mingling Latin and Runes, Greek and Cyrillic...
     and the proto-Latin of additional diacritical marks...
they exposed the entirety of humanity to literacy
within the framework of post-industrial society,
after hitchhiking a ride on the 19th century donkeys
they suddenly had to reveal their power-secret of
being literate, and by the account of women:
corset bound and bored in salons...
      but something else appeared that didn't really fascinate
them: that over-complication of Latin with
punctuation marks above letters: or diacritical
distinction, crowns over letters, subatomic particularisation
of once favoured: universal applicability...
as a narrator? i have to make a complicated
introduction, the sketch lends itself to do so,
it suggests that not all writing can be as simple as
a nursery rhyme, not all writing can actually
    **** memory, not all writing desires being remembered,
not all writing can be remembered,
                in the mediation of the two chiral opposites
there's fiction, which is suspended in an armchair of
pleasurability... but on the opposite side of a nursery rhyme
or a well versed poem? writing akin to arithmetic...
  something truly painful for those competent with
lettering, but not really competent with ten digits...
      as a narrator who has already read the sketch,
i'm trying to not write a "filling in the gaps" to the sketch
like an art-critic might do to a painting deviating from:
brushstrokes were employed. well... d'uh!
variation of italics as in transcending the pause that
implies a condescending variation of taking a pause,
also excluded are: dot, comma, hyphen, semicolon
and colon.                         dot-dot-dot is not joining up
the dots: it implies a variation of how to anticipate
a punchline: drummed: tu-dum wet snare!
     i am actually a narrator who is trying to find
that other part of me that might digest this sketch properly,
     and return fully competent to pick up another
sketch... if ever there was a narrator in this sketch,
it has to be me, after the sketch has been scripted,
and i am left to suggest a need for a dot-dot-dot connectivity
of the strokes of the pen...
i warned myself: do not overdo the introduction in italics,
you know how picky people are...
whether pickled pineapple of cucumber...
i swear Turks invented pickling chillies...
         oh look! an inflatable gazebo filled with helium!
no one's laughing: only because i didn't mention vegina.
narrative puritanism? you get distracted a lot...
but this sketch is really a thesis for narration,
all i have to do is find the antithesis of narration in it:
an actual narrative!          it stretches for ~30 pages...
   well that's me turned archaeologist with a Grecian urn
with a snap of the finger... because that's how this
sketch looks like: ancient -
                         but understandably modern.
              so .  ,  - and ;
        were racing... out came the world record
             9.58(0)         the full-stop is the bracket-bound
0... i.e. it actually happened: hence the pinpoint...
or in Formula 1 a timed nonsense of ave. m/ph
     noted to three decimal points: 130.703...
                                    or chicane cha chicane cha cha!
as said, this is an actual representation of a narrator
encountering this sketch: so before you lose your head...
i've lost mine!
  look at the correlation though!
we've gone way past atoms with the atomic bomb
and encountered subatomic particles...
    we're not going to get beyond subatomic particles
because we're going to encounter the already apparent
reality of obatomic particle: namely our bodies,
   the perceived ******* (ob- is the antonym
                                                  prefixation of sub-):
             that's were the microscope adventure ends,
    and this is parallel to cutting up a second with
three decimal points, as the safetynet suggests:
                                                              π / 3.14;
yep, the obstructive - hence we can't spontaneously
combust... but then again Goethe's Werther did:
  out of love... down the spiral: you sweet little *******.

~ii. i'm actually too lazy to write the sketch and fill
in the blanks... so i'm going to fill in the blanks as i go along,
  or that's what's called the rebellious stance of narrator: mmm,
work in progress, could you see that coming?


ii. a beer in between glugs of whiskey - runes
combined in the ******* / sigma, variant of agliz or
the rune-zeta extended toward a dark shadow of the rebirth
of Ishrael: zoological enclosure; sigma *******
sigma ******* sigma *******, sigma *******...
rune-zeta... we cannot say there are ******
mathematicians and poets akin,
not then one optic encoding states
     a b c d e
         another states f u þ a r
yet another а б (ρ) в г
  α β γ δ:
for worth of gamma into a trill only because of
   a wave, that's ~ approx. on the side of the letter
   e.g. г & r.
   or rho upside down? what the ****?
did Voltaire write this? reading Candide,
i hope he ****** did!
you the problem is pixelated paper? if you know
how you enter a deciphering mode...
                    but you require a personal library to boot,
all that dos formatting,
                       well there's formatting in the humanity
outstretch of this white medium too...
after it isn't all ******* white when all the psychiatric
pills are white too... i have really found something better
than the Bermuda Δ...
       Greek, Latin, Cyrillic and Runes...
i could say neo or proto otherwise,
but i still haven't unearthed the sketch, that
is probably puzzling the Danes, with Cnut on the forefront...
                    but the arrangement of numbers is universal,
but it's not universal, given the particularity of
how language is encoded and why some people are
richer than others...
            but it's still a beer between glugs of whiskey that
makes more sense...
i said, retype the sketch and go to bed...
and i figured: that's probably the wisest of all possible
events stemming from this...
    that's ~27 pages of notes to retype... and i'm already
in a disclosure mode as to expect what's to be jargoned...


p. 1        cкεтч       /      σкεтχ
   necessity of                        (acute
a-       -the           (ism)
is that of language structure,
          only from the use of one's language does
a deity present itself: from within the noumenon
ground work, not the reverse, as in from
(pp. 2, 3)
                 a phenomenological exercise in
the use of language: Islam, Christianity, Buddhism, (etc.)...
       e.g. Islam is a phenomenon,
  it's not a noumenon: or a thing-in-itself...
  for the Islamic god to emerge from Islam's-in-itself
Islam will have to prevent itself from being-outside-itself...
or overpowering other in-itself contentions
but still: to no apparent success narrative of true intention
as satisfactory appropriation and hence lending itself
to a widespread nod of approval.
  challenging space: word compounding, or the space
between conjunctional deficiencies: nod-of-approval (e.g.).

p. 2    concussion (great film, Alec and Will, 2015, NFL)
concussion... Blitzkrieg Alzheimer's....
brain is fat.... dementia = attacking proteins...
  steroids... the noumenological use of language:
e.g. that ****** is an enigma,
therefore his views will not go viral,
and he'll not become fashion trendy...
it's not individualistic idealism, it's reality.
as will die sonne satan - orbis reach more than 5K
views... so... clap clap... clap, clap.
           what i meant about the a-     and -the
and the ism is following a sentence that sort of
does away with conjunctional fluidity,
apart from the big words, i treat all minor words as
categorically conunctional... and, the, a, is, to, too...
given the sentence: brain fatty *****,
brian organic giraffe wall... ******* hieroglyphic...
           stood above the rest, rest assured.
  dementia: invading protein cells
   (bulging prune of the opportune: purely
digestion?) no thought to eat or eat itself like,
cannibalistically. the brain is fatty...
not fat in muscle for mmm, schmile and flex
for the selfie. how about a protein inhibitor?
(by now, rewriting the sketch, i've lost the page count,
it's actually p. 5 of note paged toward 27).
how about the explanation that we're living in
times of post-industrialisation and thanksgiving
feminism? to me post-industrialisation has created
a class of meaningless white-collar workers
and no blues... it's what the Chinese blues call
the Amazonian nomads: ******* happy...
no amount of crosswords or sudoku will exert
your body to do things for others...
   no amount of mind games will actually tell your
brain to be equipped with: a bunch of hyenas... run!
dementia is a result of creating too many
white-collar jobs (thanks to feminism)
and exporting the blues to China (thanks to feminism
and: oh i broke a nail, can i get a Ching plumber to
fix my heating while i get a ****** to **** me up my
****?!) - maybe i'm just dreaming...
it's great to censor dreaming, i mean: you stop dreaming,
you get to see reality, and you don't even need to
read Proust on a ricochet.
  - so we have brain as fat, and invader cells as protein...
protein digests fat... and creates cucumbers out
of people... where do the carbohydrates come into play?
it can't be at the point of a.d.h.d., can it?
     i'm blaming post-industrialisation, the complete
disappearance of the blues (formerly known as the reds,
in the east) for the whites...
or that old chestnut of: my god you're goon'ah luv it!
   to till for worth from the sweat of yer brow -
funny funny funny... to earn your loaf of bread
you will toil...
                   and toil until you are physically assured
that not ghostly / mental life can enter your world /
books... that went well... didn't it?
   i should be tilling a potato plateau rather than
be bound to be writing this epic (by modern standards)
poem...
             but that's the curse of exporting all the blue
collar jobs to China, then importing mindless
white collar jobs to the west, what the hell do you think
would happen, not the pandemic of dementia?
if you do not exert the body, and then you do not
exert / exhaust the mind... do you think
you can secure a narrative with a post-industrial
westerner on the premise of that person simply being
able to solve a crossword? well... i believe in santa
claus too... but i don't believe in him giving out
presents... because to me, in my oh-so-called maturity
that's called an anagram of satan's clause: which is a legal
term for: i can turn civilisation into shrapnel
of what's said and what's to be said: and what's not to be
said. people can't expect to turn honest labour
for the recreational run on the treadmill in a gym...
and they can't expect photocopying in an office space
to replace Newton's curiosity, and then compensate
all this distraction with mind-games...
          can they? well... they did!

poets are gagged by writers of prose,
no wonder they write so sparingly,
      they are gagged in the sense that they write
as if asphyxiated: they need breathing room.


well sure, if he can revive the Polish steel industry
and i can go back to steel plates and pillars,
then the rust belt will get a polishing also.

or what's called: shrapnel before the waterfall of
narration: darting eyes, and poncy **** all the way through...

     muse... muse...

        well, how about we take the fluidity out of language?
declassify certain words into one grammatical broth,
say words like i and they
                              a  and the    are all conjunctions?
how about that? let's strip it bare, after all: what categories
of words exist for us to primarily speak (let alone think)?
     nouns, verbs, adjectives... adverbs?
       but all those words in between are so jungly classified
into a tangle that i'm about to sprout a handshake
          of a Japanese vine grip: and never let go...

an actual extract from the sketch:

      https that doesn't recognise UCS
                   and insists on IPA cannot be deemed
       encyclopaedic


              i need runes for this! i need runes for this idea!
i don't need transliteration right now...
                but hey! that's an idea, etymological transliteration...
bugly term, sure, but the previous night i was thinking
  of transcendental etymology, as you do, likened to
carbohydrates... so it was transliteration after all...
but a dead end when it comes to geometry and Pythagoras...
      
    three words... and they are computerised (i guess you
have to buy a decent book to decode this), a bit like
buying paint in a d.i.y. shop...
       16DE (dagaz / d) 16DC (ingwaz / ŋ / grapheme of n & j)
                  16DF (ōþala / Valhalla / o / ō = oo),
in total d'njoo / d'nyoo - even i concede the fact that this
is a ******* mind-******... it's a ****** congregation of
four optic encodings of phonos... i moved away from
the ancient greek fetish for the logos... i'm looking at
the phonos... not the logos with Heraclitus et al.
               φº θ þ фª f

ªgreek
  ºcyrillic                ever see a prettier pentagram?
                      i haven't.

(false original title:
škic / cкэтч / φº θ þ фª f: thespian pandemic - pending)

looking at the phonos is painful, actually painful,
it's like reading a book with a myopic pair of glasses:
a ******* aquarium blurry right there, befor...

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

'e'? were you: was i, looking for an 'e'?

i can say this much...
what do you get when you mix a shot
of whiskey with a shot of bourbon:
i'm moving between bottles...
it's nearing christmas eve and i'm a ripe
taoist... i.e. i better this world:
by not having the world mind me...
on the odd occasion: oh... you're still here?!

yeah... i'm still here... i have glued-to-fascination
with my shadow... i'm just waiting
for the atom bomb to relieve me of a body
but ensuring my shadow is kept intact...
as if it were a Monet signature on a wall...

but i lament... the momentum has vanished...
i don't even know why i'm so idiotic as
to presume that: from the hour 22:00GMT
to the hours 00:00 circa 00:30GMT...
something will land into my lap,
my lisp... my cranium the oyster shell
my tongue the oyster...

it will not... i can't simply **** anything into
an existence that doesn't want to exist...
perhaps lurking in a canvas of:
"lost luggage" in an airport...
perhaps "there"...
i could be excused my... lethargy...

when was this written? back in 2018?
so i was thinking about teasing cyrillic even then?
wasn't i?
sketch cкэтч or?

what do you get when you mix a shot of whiskey
with some bourbon?
a Burguandian whisker...
i am not going to sound witty...
Ron's key...

that's still a cyrillic "or"... isn't it?
шкиц: škic...

i'm... deflated... nothing "new" has come my way...
i would have thought that...
reading some Knausgård would have /
could have... invigorated me:
reading him was supposed to be my:
dialysis my transfusion!
my zombie-go-to-literature...
it has proven an exhaustive enterprise
to begin writing again:
i became too comfortable
in reading - i almost forgot
the agony of writing...

alas... a contemporary of mine...
and someone well adjusted to prose...

notably: who would have thought
that death in june - the calling (MK II)
was something to be recorded in 1985...
for one: i wouldn't...

but i did begin: back in november 2016...
begin what? to tickle the cyrillic alphabet...
which is way before i discovered my reply
to the runes... to the ancient greek...
and this... "ancient", ahem... still in use...
latin script...

that script that went into the molloch couldron
of being invested in to code...
pristine as the hebrews cited:
how many holes in it?
to write onto a canvas of 0?
q Q R O o p P A a D d g b B...
which leaves...
W E T Y U I S F H J K L
Z X C V N and M "out of the equation"...

škic / cкэтч / φº θ þ фª f: thespian pandemic (pending):
i better rename it as... circa 2016...
that's way before i even acknowledged
the cyrillic text applying diacritical markers...
i thought them too crude at the time...

beside borrowing outright from greek...
the already at hand oddities of glagolitic,
notably: Ⱎ...Ⱋ...

it's only a single word i'm using...
i have abandoned all notions of metaphysics
in favor for orthography...
i'm not going to burden myself
with: what's after the physics...
i'm after: what's now...
in the respective tongues...
2 tongue deviations from
the original latin and greek...

what came with the runes and what
came with the glagolitic scripts...
what was ****** and had to succumb
to inter-breeding...

come 2020... i will have one clarification
to base my existence on...
pronouncing the growth of my ****** hair...
i will hope to aim at a length of beard
that will forever hide the neck...
i will aim at... somewhere to the level
of my heart... when i will then manage
to turn my beard into an orchestra's
nieche of violins when i procrastinate with it...

since 2016...
i have identified russian in ******...
i've seen it... finally!
зъaрт... i.e. żart
and the "hard sign" becoming a "soft sign"
in źrenica: зьрeницa...

i still think the russian orthography
is... as... primitive as the western slavic...

after all... зъ = ż...
зь = ź...
the balkan slavs have a caron...
which is neither a hard or a soft sign / acute...

their caron is... ч (č) or cz...
CHeaper in english...
and their caron is ш (š) or sz...
SHeep...
or the two together...
and always шч (šč): szczekam...
i'm barking...

pu-shch-air... a rare example in english
of the puщair...
but then lookie lookie 'ere:

CZACHA... skull...
ЧAХA...

perhaps this is my "revenge ****" on russia?
hey! boris the kremlin mascoot...
come and 'ave a look...
with how i disect your orthography
on the / with the language that asks
too many metaphysical questions and no
orthographic curiosities!

i'll meet you in Warsaw... given that you're
probably moving from Novosibirsk...
and i'm either in Stockholm...
Edinburgh or the outskirts of London:
Warsaw will be halfway for both of us...
you don't have to like Warsaw...
i only like it when the Ukrainian smugglers
and the Mongols appear
in the West Warsaw coach station...

smart as who? i am discovering this for
the first time myself...
i was only teasing it back in 2016...
way before i found the right sort of accents
in mother russian...

i do know that that crescent oddity:
above the ja: йa... is what it is...
if you only cut off the head in english... ȷ...
again: it's я given that most russians
are pulled toward an anglophile world-view...
they all see the window to europe...
the baltic and st. petersburg is somehow...
London... and the atlantic...
like hell it is...

i guess i feel it was a waste of time to
have re(a)d Kant, simply because:
i'm not here for the schematics...
i want to know how my thought my labyrinth
building architecture is coming along...
but with no one to talk to about it?

i found the categorical imperative most
dissatisfying... i didn't want to abide by universal laws...
poetry is already shoved out of waiting room
of the republic...
if my "poetry" is not a categorical imperative...
and it's not quiet a a hypothetical imperative...
it needs to be sharpened on a thesaurus
and some grammar...

categorical (adjective)... imperative (adjective)...
well two adjectives never imply much
if there's no noun involved...
and i'm pretty sure that... if i sharpen
the next word i'll compound with categorical-
in that hyphen construct that's only
allowed in oxford dictionary english:
since it's not: propergermannonhyphenfaustian:
i.e. carboxylic (carbo-xylic) acidity...

poetry doesn't belong in either
the categorical imperative focus...
nor the hypothetical imperative focus...

i.e. i must write a poem... to feel better...
i must write a poem... to organise my thoughts...
no! a poem is not a maxim is not a categorical
imperative! a language of poetry is not
a language of morality: it's a language
of experience - or a lack / a lackey's "sentiment"...

i need a... categorical: impetus!
it's not enough to have read kant's critique of pure
reason... it must also involved
having re(a)d the: groundwork of
the metaphysics of morals...
but i'm a democratic reader...
i need to hear the other voices...
i can't be a kantian scholar...
a snippet 'ere, a snippet v'ere (funny how
THETA disappears when making the posit:
THERE - ver!)

who needs metaphysical absolutes...
when orthography (or a lack of it)
in english... spreads open its legs...
and the tongue remembers its tongue-brain-phallus
stage of co-existence in the oyster?!

i'm pretty sure that a categorical imperative
is by no means a categorical impetus...
this had to be written,
but it had to be written in order to disregard
anything a priori... prior to it...
a poem is a shady concern for action or inaction...
it's a deviation from the cartesian crux:
res cogitans (thinking thing)...
into the cartesian levy (res extensa)...
it's an action of inactivity...
as much as it's an inactive activity...
"the rest"...

impetus is not an imperative...
an impetus sources its meaning in a per se
investement... of itself - in itself - for itself...
an imperative?
in pronouns... impetus: i want... i will...
imperative? you want... you will...

an impetus is self-dictative...
an imperative is: indicative...
someone would rightly claim...
those that mourn indicatively...
will don the right garments for the process
of mourning...
which is indicative and devoid of
the per se manifestation of mourning...
it is an imperative when compared to
the impetus to mourn -
which is self-dictative...
which does now shallow itself in
grief by making a socially agreed to fiasco
of a very specific choice of wardrobe...

basically: however you like it...
an IMPERATIVE ≠ IMPETUS...
the year is almost over and i want to break-off
the dust from the thoughts that fudge-packed themselves
as worthy of occupying the minor instance
of having to count a depth of:
not dead within the year of being written.
Aaron LaLux Feb 2017
00:00 Valentines Day

It’s midnight,
and I’m,
alone again,
trying to fill the time,
with these words I write,

watched the Grammy’s last night,
Twenty One Pilots,
standing there in their underwear,
reminding us that we can be,
anything,

Hollywood,
my home,
so many people,
at the Grammy’s,
I’ve met and befriended,

but sometimes,
the enthusiasm seems so gone,
it feels like we’re living,
after the credits when the film has ended,

like,

what’s happened to us,
where have we gone,
and why,
do we still feel,
so totally alone,

supposed to be gone by the morning,
flight to Cabo to pick up my truck,
just flew in from Australia,
found letters from the IRS in my PO Box,
welcome home boy now it’s time to pay your tax,

met my accountant tonight,
gave him all the paperwork,
we chatted for a minute in his Range Rover,
I made a joke about having a black accountant,
he reminded me of the Basquiat photo I’d given him,

Basquiat in the 80’s,
looking awkward as fck,
holding a FroZade cup in his hand,
a crooked No Parking sign standing by,
and the ‘ol Twin Towers towering in the hazed background,

another genius gone before his time,
sometimes the art we create is ahead of us,
sometimes we have to watch our success from the Heavens,
1 2 3 4 5 6 7,
8 9 10 11,
12,

It’s midnight,
and I’m,
alone again,
trying to fill the time,
with these words I write,

watched the Grammy’s last night,
Twenty One Pilots,
standing there in their underwear,
reminding us that we can be,
anything…

∆ Aaron La Lux ∆
atilol Mar 2012
Life is more than just time
It's more of poem with less of a rhyme.

Sky blue, trees brown, grass green....
You know what I mean?
Maybe it's not coming out right...trying to explain the meaning of life
But like.....who's knows what it is?
I do.
And the answer is:

This space is just for experience.
30 to 90 years of just feeling it.
Doing the things that you need to do,
and giving things back instead of just stealing ****.

You walk through the world just learning.
I sit in class just yearning,
"I need to be out there and I want to see."
My thought wheels keep turning.
And I try to be more than just one...
Because we weren't put on this world just for fun.
No.
We are here for a reason.

But even that's hard to believe because we're suffering treason.
High.
Like the kids these days.
Playing with fire
"You snaze, you laze."

But I digress.
Now, what was I talking about? Oh yeah,
PRESS!
Printing these stories about celebrities who quite frankly,
Just don't mean **** to me.
I mean, shouldn't we be focusing on something else for a change?
How about how the earth's climate has changed?

There are animals who are dying,
Their kind is shrinking.
Oh, and the water level is rising...
And we are still sinking.

Looks like no one is gonna build us a boat
So we all might have to hold onto our breath
And float on...like that band said.
"To be or not to be." Like that man said.
Right? Because our generation is so "stupid"
We have nothing to show because we don't do ****?

Well you just wait and see.
And for that you'll need patience and tenacity.
How about another subject? cause we have plenty of time.
A few years i'd say, but no...that won't fit in the rhyme.
So how about the mind?
It's a brilliant thing.
It controls us all like an ancient king.

Like for example, King Tut.
And i'd go on but you know what?
I just remembered I was talking about life, am I right?
It's already dark out, and as it turns out, I don't have all night.
So i'm going to leave you with this little piece.
And out of everything this is what i'd like you to take with you, please,
People don't get through it easy
L-I-F-E.

But we are strong.
I mean, we're on top...right where we belong.
So really just...do what you gotta do.
I know the advice may be disappointing
But it's all that you'll need, dude.
As long as you do the things that you need
You have nothing to worry about and you will succeed.

So i guess life really ain't much
We talk and maybe think of it as such
But
You know what, forget all the rhymes.
Maybe life really is just...nothing but time.
3:00 p.m
I woke up
3:00 pm
I saw a clock
I was a mess
Like i always do
3:00 pm
You are the reason i woke up
At 3:00 pm,
I thinking about you
At 3:00 pm,
I living in my dream
And i dont wanna wake up

Maya Vania,
12 November 2015

— The End —