My life is surrounded
by people armed by me,
loaded guns aimed at my heart.

Every time they leave,
I'm shot.
I bleed out for awhile
depending on who it is
Some guns are smaller
some are bigger  
but I always get repaired

You however didn't have a gun
I placed a whole nuke in your hands
It was never supposed to go off
Wasn't meant to end like this
And when you set it off
I wasn't prepared for the blast

I didn't get to bleed
Most of me is scorched and black
Shrapnel buried deep inside
the pieces that stayed in tact

Other Pieces flew places
Some of them, you must've grabbed

I'll never heal
from this wound
and Ill never get those pieces back

I started growing a garden
one of the best I'd ever had.
My very first,
grown wild and natural.

I failed to see the weeds
slowly choking it from behind.
And it suffocated the garden
time after time.

Then suddenly, there was no garden,
just silence and then dust.
No warning,
no fading,
no crumble,
collapse,
or rot.

No sign to brace for mourning,
no moment to adjust...
Nothing left to grieve,
except all that was.

Its blossoms bloomed as friendship,
each petal bright and true.
The roses held our laughter,
lilacs eased our cries,
and daisies offered humor
beneath clear blue skies.

But now it's gone to silence,
and my hands remain bare,
covered in the dust,
grasping for the something
that once had rooted there.

I dig into the ashes,
search the soil,
even the air.
begging,
pleading,
aching for a sign
a sprout, a stem, a rewind in time.

Hoping still,
the dust rewinds
Whispering to it one last time
hoping still something sprouts
even a little
to grow from this ground.

In the canvas of my life, you're the masterpiece,
The best thing to ever grace my existence, an immeasurable gift.
With forest green, you pierced through my soul,

Before you, my days were shrouded in darkness,
A labyrinth without an exit in sight,
But your love illuminated the path,
You punched through the walls to get me out.

Your anger, though fierce, brings me solace,
For within its depths, I find peace,
I do not fear you, I never have
You are my shelter in life's worse,
My rock, my anchor, my best.
Everything about you sings of perfection,
Though rugged and sharp at the edges
You make living in this messed up eternity
easier to swallow.

In you, I find all that I need,
A love so pure, so true, so rare,
You are my best, my love, my soulmate,
Together, we're a formidable pair.

In the depths of my heart, "X marks the spot",
Where your love has made its home,
My best accomplishment by far,

I love you.

Every time someone leaves me
it feels like they’ve taken a dagger straight to my heart
It isn’t a fast motion but slow and painful
The suffering prolonged.
It isn’t made out of metal, but wood
When it’s pulled out of my body  
Each time, they leave behind pieces of themselves,
splinters
I wonder how many I’ve collected?
Im sure by now I can create a dagger if my own.

I like people who hurt me.
I promise I don't enjoy the pain they put me through
But in some masochistic way,
I like people that hurt me.
It's easier that way.
Loving someone who you know will put you through torment
whose true colors already show,
than to trust the innocent flower unaware of the snake that hides beneath it.
I can't be caught surprised,
can't say I didn't see it coming
So I love people who hurt me

built up my walls
to avoid this
reinforced them with metal
lined up the windows with wood
bolted the doors
Swore on my life that I wouldn't let anyone through
but I missed a hole in the corner
and a little mouse snuck in somehow;  undetected
but I let it roam as it pleased
It wouldn't harm me?

little did I know he was a devil in disguise

I found a seed, and I planted it.
Watered it daily
Checked the soil in which it sat
Nothing happened so
I changed the potting,  
Giving it sun,
Made sure it saw the light
Checked it everyday
Did everything right,
Waiting for it to sprout something
Anything even.

But it didn't grow,
because the seed died