I don't like the day
The sun makes me suffocate

The busy streets..
Earthly responsibilities..

I rather fly through the sky
And fall to the depths

But I also want to be alive
Rather than dead

Neither are easy times
But sometimes it's hard to find the line

I don't think I see it anymore

I have been broken and bruised
I have been beat down and abused
I have lived a life of misery
Where I felt I should have been removed

I got called at and bullied
I developed depression at age fourteen
Every day I wondered why I still tried
Every night I wish I died

I have never felt alive
Even though I was at the pinnacle of youth
It was supposed to be 'the time of my life'
Said to me by an old lady who saw it as truth

But last night I put things in perspective
I have cried but also felt happy
Whether I've felt alive or not is objective
However I will always see it as ******

But I'd rather live 80 more years
Where I barely make it through
Than live a life
That is without you

Depression is
Laying in.................................bed
                                ceiling
Looking at the
Knowing you have stuff to do

                                                             ­                                             but I can't
                                                           ­                               I have no response
                                                        ­                                            to the signals
                                                         ­                                              of my brain

When the only thing that gets you out
Is the fact you                   have
                                                               to
                                                                ­               ***
And you are no longer comfortable
                      the blanket of solitude
Underneath

Depression is
Saying you          WILL
While you know you             WON'T
Because even though you have                     HOPE
You can predict when the drknss

                                                               ­                                        will strike
                                                          ­                                  it always strikes
                                                         ­                            when I don't expect it
                                                              ­                                    and when I do

Depression is
                                             not
                           laundry              doing
                                      ­       the

Not taking care of myself
Not taking care of my friends
Not taking care of my loved ones
Not taking care of my cat
Not taking care of my birds
Not taking care of my hopes
Not taking care of my dreams

Because if  
                                       ONE
thing my brother taught me with his de     ath

is that nohting  mtetars

because when  you    are     de      ad
y ou   are  GON E
and two generations  might remember      y     o      u

b  u  t after that you are forgotten with the flow of

                                    t               m
                                            i                e

I wish I felt strong

I know that I am
I haven't thrown myself to the mercy of gravity
I haven't given myself to the laws of anatomy

I haven't given up
But I can't say I feel very alive

I am breathing
And sometimes even moving
But I can't say I feel very alive

I can't say I feel alive at all

I want to write about how she stole the moon
And hid it behind the sun

I want to write about friendships
That have only just begun

The immense creativity
That's held inside of me

I want to let it out

But the burden of living
Even though it's only breathing
And sometimes even moving
Makes it hard to turn myself to writing

I want to let it out

let
                                                        it
                                                                                                                 out