There are so many nights that are so vehemency important.

And so many nights that are not.

Yet the most important are the nights that never happened.

The nights silenced by fear or tiredness or silliness.

The nights that are pounding on doors of regret.

The nights that haunt in their wake.

Because they could have meant something. 


And because things rarely do these days.

-

*"It would have destroyed me if you said hello, it would have ******* killed me."

Distance
is the s p a c e that is holding me back
it went from inches to miles
hindering my hand from caressing your back
If only it was just one hallway
Down four or five doors
I would sneak on over
Just to feel my lips on yours

Distance
is where I kept you
only wanting to be friends
& what I’m regretting now
Is taking so long to allow the rules to bend
Because distance is something I normally invite
For I’ve had my heart broke
& for every kiss I pressed softly against your skin
you understood everything I never spoke

Distance
is where we started
& now you whisper that you’re in this all the way
Something that ill never understand
Is that you’re okay with me only being half way
And just as I was letting my guard down
There were only ten days left of your stay
And on day ten I kissed you goodbye
Slowly backed down your driveway

Distance
is causing me to stare at this calendar
And count down the days
Until the next time I get to see you
Baby you’re so far away
For I would give up sleeping
My favorite thing to do
If it meant I got to see you
For just a minute or two

Distance
crosses my mind all through the day
& as I’m admiring the radiance of the nights sky
You are watching the sunrise ready to start your day
& now the wolves are beginning to howl up at the moon
As if it has their heart’s confined in a hutch
My lip begins to quiver as we both cry
For a tenderness we cannot touch

Distance
may be keeping you far away
But the truth is that I can still feel here
The way your lips brushed softly from my mouth
Across my cheek, and whispered in my ear
& you said “there may be oceans in between”
“Mountains for we cannot climb”
“But one thing is for certain”
“I’ll love you until the end of time”

Finger to her lips
Shh
Under covers
Alone we thought
No more
Dark
Footsteps
Hit hit hit
She was ripped from my arms
Hands legs heart mind
Her mouth said "Its ok"
But her eyes said something else
They never touched me
But I was bruised
Black blue red
Blood dripped from my eyes
Whats the point of having them If
I can't see her
It's been four months since
Her beauty graced my pathetic existence
Her pale skin marked with scars and bite
Marks
I miss her teeth
Her mouth
Blossoming lips
Fingers flat
To her lips
Shh

And as your fingers slowly

And I think the easiest way to explain it was that I was drowning
Drowning in the waves of my own anxiety, my fear of my disarming disabilities
Gasping for air with my face raised to the sky, arms reaching up with hope as soft as a sigh
Flailing legs that turn left and right, eyes open wide with death in sight
Mind gone limp, my body surrenders, but
My lungs accompany my soul in screaming
It’s a mournful cacophony, a silent screech,
Something so harsh it leaves a gaping hole, broke a five by five wall into crumbling pieces,
Shot a blazing bullet,
Until the surface could nolonger be seen.

Sure, it'd be nice to walk
Along the shore of the beach
And watch the sun set
With you.

But I'm happy enough to run
In circles around the track
And watch the grass wilt
With you.

Sure, it'd be nice to cuddle
While eating junk food and snacks
And watch a horror movie
With you.

But I'm happy enough to sit
While laughing over your shoulder
And watch funny videos
With you.

Sure, it'd be nice to be
The one whom you call "yours"
And to be loved back
By you.

But I'm happy enough to love
The perfect person you are
And savor the moments I spend
With you.

Is what people say to lessen the blow
of hearts benign
I stare at you and want nothing more
than the time you give me
yet your mind races and you fight yourself
while giving it
It's not the best feeling but I am feeling it.
You say you don't want love and I hear it.
You say you want only a friend so I'll be that.
Give me that chance rather than posing and stalling your words- I can see you using your mouth as a trap.
You're gonna **** off what was once such an easy, beautiful thing
All because you don't believe I can be what you need.
And that simply is- a friendship so deep
only we could understand, only we could reach.

Your eyes are so ******* captivating
and every time you blink,
it’s like a kaleidoscope
of the sweetest colors
and all our memories together.
My, oh, my,
I see microcosms of cosmos in those eyes.
Stop looking at everyone else.
Those galaxies
are
mine.