“Everything under the sun is meaningless”  
says the teacher,
‘truly meaningless’



the hands that toil
to endless returns
will find out that the breaking
wasn’t worth the burn-
the days spent in agony
and months spent hoarding away
will be forgotten
on the last and final days.
there is one thing remembered,
one lasting effigy-
the words you cry out in judgment
facing death’s depravity!
for there are no assurances
that a man can find!
the teachers prophecy shall be remembered,
“Everything is meaningless” we leave nothing behind!

today marks 8 years
since i heard the news,
6 years since
we started walking askew
and only a few marking
the painful years i put us through-
for i always said sorry
i always said i loved you,
but what i meant was
“please don’t forget me and the words i let loose,
because i don’t know what love is,
i don’t think i ever knew,
because November 22nd,
my dad left the house, my mom left too
to find a comforting bed
in a house brand new
with a new naked body
a new silhouetted view,
and i sat here wondering-
‘They said they loved me,
Does love leave you too!’”







so it doesn’t surprise me that i couldn’t hold up to any pauses
any breaks
any time alone
any detachment
any moment of somber tones
and i clung to you
like you were the last love i’d ever know
like your words were their empty promises
that everything would be ok, that i would like living in 2 homes

- but here i am 8 years later,
thinking that i’m over it all
thinking that i can learn from my past,
but the fear and tears still grip my face
knowing that the lingering hurt will always last-

you can’t hold the weight
of the pain pulling down your face
forming the unpleasant stares,
corroding an unpleasant gaze.
you can’t hold your weight
without leaning on the cupboards-
but the wood’s about to break!
cover the mess behind closed shutters.
i try to hold your weight,
just a fraction,
but a hurt man hurts
without care for their actions!
and you begin to say
that the high horse
is in between my aching legs,
trying to carry you safely to bed!
i know i’m no escape
or a crutch
but to say i’m an enemy-
**** yourself to your grave!

-i didn’t mean it
i didn’t mean to say
the words you think of
every day.
i didn’t mean it
i hurt you today,
the pain, i can take it,
just to see you stay.

Monday
901 AM;
a blistering sun
the motion of life
now stopped-

“there’s been activity
in garage 1
resulting in
2 hours of waiting”

1145 AM
the blood from the gunshot wound
the bits of flesh from the skull
the empty husk
and the traffic jam
has been cleaned up-

a sound is heard

the morning bird
weeps

do i dare
speak?

a sound is heard

my heart breaks
but i only have thoughts
incomplete

not words.

I look at you
everyday
either way,
I can’t feel the pleasure stay,
envious,
out of touch,
out of mindful bend and brush!
pull and push,
trim the bush,
hold back all your fears!
hold back all your fears!
I watch you
everyday,
either way
I’m not getting better!
tell your story
state your statement,
I still can’t feel the pleasure!
-hold back my fears-

if i
had one more to say
while you had to leave
would you stay
would you listen to me,
because some days
seem to agree
that some days
resonate deeply
with
me.
so
if i
had one more to say
would you stay
would you say its okay
or
would
you
walk
away.
would
you
walk
away?

- it's true
you asked me to stay
but, hey
tomorrow will be better
it better be great!
because
how bad can it get,
this must be the worst
the most hurt

yet-

- please don't mind
i wont be staying here
i have much too much to stay this near
to your fear-
-don't
you
understand
this is more
than
what you could demand-

-im too tired
to listen right now
i have a few things to attend to
to lend my time spent to
to speed and pay rent to
to pitch up my tent to
to try to amend to
to play pretend to
to follow and swallow and digest inside
to batter and barter and leave all behind!
So listen to me
I don't listen to you!
Won't you hear that I have not much time!
So keep your thoughts away!
And have a good day!
Because there's problems I have that are mine!


im not near you
i can't hear anyone
so could a whisper be sputtered from
somebody's
cold lips?
maybe felt from a cold kiss?
im not near you
i can't hear anyone
so could a word be formed,
killed, buried, reborn,
and let the storm of talk
reach my heart?
for it's lonely
am i the only
one
left
on
this

mountain?

it's lonely.

am
i
the
only
one
left
to
hold
me
closely?