Thinking tonight,
I never thought
Our love could grow
as a living thing,
even in the winter season
I feel that my heart is in spring.
I will love you beyond
the fall of mountains.
and the drying of seas.
I love you,
and through you,
I have more love to give.

One step forward,
two steps back.
Every day brings
another setback,
another backtrack,
another reminder
of the things I lack.
My mind never quiets,
I can't take the feedback.
An eternal panic attack,
I should double the Prozac,
it's making a comeback.
One step forward,
two steps back.

I have grown beyond you.
I could play your trifling games,
but I prefer to burn this bridge
and watch it fall in flames.

I have an illness of anger,
burning at my mind.
I fought at your side as blood,
only to be maligned.

Once where I saw my friend,
I only see a snake.
You are behind me,
I leave you in my wake.

Entry ~
I know you're scared. You should be scared. You're taking a huge leap of faith leaving the only "home" you've ever known. But that home you built isn't four walls, and a solid tin roof. It's your soul. It's that thumping in your chest that keeps you awake at 2am. It's the memories you've stored, locked away tight behind steel bars, because god only knows if those bars weren't there those memories would hit you like the eye of a storm. Calm at first, sweet, but then painful, like shards of glass beneath your feet. And I know how much it hurts to leave. To walk away from so many unresolved things. To remove yourself from the lives of people you rely on, that rely on you. But part of living is knowing when to leave. It's knowing when your environment no longer suits the shell you're in. It's easy to tell when that chapter of your life begins. It starts with a slow depression easing its way in, and an unexplained restlessness. I know how much you fight it. The warning signs telling you it's time to go again. You are so afraid of being free, but your curiosity has its own needs. It was never a choice being free. It's always been a part of your destiny. I know you've felt that unexplainable presence easing your anxiety. And it's okay to breathe. It's okay to just be. To not know where you're going to be next spring. It's all a part of the plan. You need to have faith that those guiding you won't lead you astray. You are being protected, and I know you aren't religious, but when you feel like you've lost your way, fall to your knees, and pray. Look for the butterfly, and have faith that one small act of courageousness will set your life in motion. But you have to be willing to take action first. So flap your wings, and don't be afraid of the tornado that follows. You created your fear, and only you can survive in the wake of it.

I was once a vine,
clinging to you-my tree.
When you cut me loose I died,
and in that I was free.

In this life I am the tree,
and you my dear, the vine.
Now it is I that need let you die;
cruel are the paths of the divine.

Another life, I pray,
comes just around the bend.
Yet if we do not meet, know,
your memory can not end.