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I would go to Blood Mountain in the Fall during October , in the eighth sign of the zodiac with fruitful , spellbinding harvest Moons , tales of fierce battles among Cherokee and Creek , where blood and history hath fed towering oak , fir and imagination of visitor and resident alike* ...
Copyright September 23 , 2015 by Randolph L Wilson ** All Rights Reserved                                                                                                   Gorgeous view from the top of this natural wonder in North Georgia.
She lay in the bath, half asleep or half awake she wasn't sure, but the warm water floated gently around her infinitely. And just like the memories in her mind the water lapped aimlessly at nonexistent edges, spilling over, as if wandering off the edge of the world.  
She moved her hand carelessly to tuck an escaped strand of hair behind one ear as the water hugged the creases and crevasses of her body, all contained in a white bowl of serenity with the only disruption in her mind. She starred absentmindedly into the reflection in the water, a distorted and watery version of her blue eyes and curly hair, although somewhere inside her she knew she was beginning to feel more like her reflection every day. Her tear stained eyes stared back at her, the makeup smudges making her look skillfully tired and worn as though an artist himself had hand crafted her very face and in the process aged her 5 years. Inside she lulled away, wanting to melt into the water and never care about anything more than was necessary. The soft, happy, carefree side temporarily locked away, with a combination that even she did not yet know. Instead an emotional whirlwind of feelings, angry and powerful tunneled out, amplified by so much as a word or a thought. It was these moments that almost took her by surprise, as if it was someone else pushing these people out, in an attempt to avoid explaining. This was accompanied by feeling as though the world had given her everything to live for and everything to lose in one breath. Her ragged breathing had eventually softened to an emotional sigh of trembling lips as she reimbursed herself with more hot water. Feeling it burn on her leg she watched pink ovals appear,  stinging with regrets and pain, a constant wishing to go back and re do and apologies and pause and rewind and forward.
With a click of her heel she snapped the plug away, maybe in some attempt to also drain herself of her tribulations that had almost enveloped her entire bath. Watching the water disappear quickly, she was entranced at the waters escape, loving how eager it was to run away from her. And with this she felt relief, as though she could finally breathe.
She waited in peace as he took her breath away
Stood with her eyes closed as he took her to another place
Somewhere she saw only in her dreams,
She could now feel through his hands washing her clean.
A place inside her that was once evil and rough
He now stands to protect her, defending her love.
Part of me doesn't want to trust you.  I don't want to be disappointed.
YES* I'm territorial. And YES I want you all to myself..

Are you *really
so mad at that?!
I can't help that I have these intense feelings for you. And truthfully, would you want anything less?
And just like that- he could let me go

I wonder how I could be so easily replaceable

I wonder so often why he won't open up

Is it just the way he is, or is it me he doesn't trust

Maybe I'm stubbornly trying to force something that wasn't meant to last

Maybe he and I are a repeat of something we've both lived in the past

Before I felt so disposable, I saw so much to look forward to

Now all I see are empty roadways that lead me nowhere closer to you.
Back and forth, left and right
We never could make up our minds,
We never could be on the same page
We always were too disengaged.
When you wanted attention
I wanted freedom
When I wanted commitment
You wanted a reason.
We spoke of love like it had no limits
One of us was always more invested.
One day we were inseparable and the next I was at your throat
One minute you had your arms around me then in a flash you would explode...
For the longest time we truly believed
That I was meant for you, and you for me,
We thought two broken souls had finally found a home
But we were even too broken for each other and the result was a cyclone.
Our love was a tragedy and I don't believe it was real
We both just wanted a heart to steal...
We lost ourselves and its sad to remember
That at one point we both made a promise of forever,
We were best friends and now we can't even speak
Because every time just brings up too many bad memories.
Your pictures make me puke and your voice gives me a headache
But at one time just thinking of you used to keep me awake,
And at one point you trusted me enough to tell me your secrets
Things I know now you wish you never revealed.
Three times you asked me to marry you and make it official
But each time I said no because I was too fearful
Terrified of you and your selfish ways
All of this **** I've said too many times, just in different ways
It just doesn't go away.
I wasn't yours and you weren't mine
But in bed we laid so intertwined
Sometimes as late as one or two
And all I wished was that I could stay with you
Our hands locked together with my head on your chest
Drowning in your arms and never fully dressed
We were so lost in the moment; I was caught in a dream
One that you formulated from the second you touched me
How wrong we both were then, but look at where it brought us
Now you are mine and I am yours and none of that past wrongness matters.
little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.
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