The music at the party is pumping.
All the teenagers are     jumping.
But I only hear  my  heart  thumping.
Alone   on the sofa and   slumping.
Stewing in   solitude,   a dumpling.
Starting to   disintegrate,   crumbling.
I feel a disturbance,   a rumbling.
I reach for my phone, I'm   fumbling,
For a text, a call,        something,
Anything to enhance   the    numbing.
I rise from my perch,  stumbling  .
I  collidewithsomepeople, they're grumbling.
Now I'm    falling  out  the  door,   tumbling.

People are laughing, tutting frowning.
They see me on the ground, but I'm
                                                             ­   drowning.

Stuck in a cage
Isolated and alone
Do I want change?
Why wouldn’t I?
Being stuck
Where I cry
I want to be free
Yet I lie
Is that just me?
Bound to be stuck
In a cage
Not wanting to change

To EVeryone that says they're just trying to be n9ce
NEWS FLASH
YOUR NOT

To everyone that says they are just trying to give me construtive criticism
NEWS FLASH
YOUR WRONG

TO Everyone that says that I WILL NEVER GO PLACES
NEWS FlASH
YOU MAY BE RIGHT

I lied when I said I could trust you again.
I lied when I said I could easily fend.
I lied when I said I was telling the truth.
I lied when I told you this was proof.

I lied when I told you he looked fine.
I lied when I told you it left with the time.
I lied when I said it was no big deal.
I lied when I told you I could give you time to heal.

I lied when I told you I was fine.
I lied when I told you I’ve never lied.
I lied when I said he wasn’t my best friend.
I lied when I told you how much time I don’t spend.
Talking to him.

I lied when I told you I was doing okay.
I lied when I didn’t lie straight to your face.
I lied when I didn’t tell you how I felt.
I lied when I was uncomfortable and didn’t tell.

I lied when I kept a straight face.
I lied when I ran past you, upping my pace.
I’d be lying if I said I don’t want to tell you.
But I’d still be lying if I wasn’t being true.

I’d be lying if I said I don’t think about you every day.
I’d be lying if I said I was okay.
With you not being here,
Not knowing why I fear.

I’m lying when I say I’m fine without you.
I’m lying when I say I’m over what I didn’t do yet.
I’m lying when I tell people I didn’t ask for advice about you.
I’m lying when I say it’s about someone else.

I’m lying when I say I don’t want to be with you.
I’m lying when I say I know you like me too.
I’m lying when I know I can’t escape.
This lying is covering me like a cape.

I’m not a liar all the time.
But I can’t stop lying,
When I tell you I’m fine.

Just to see the smile on your face.
It makes me feel better.
I’m almost okay when I see that smile.
It almost makes it all go away.

If I saw it more than once a year,
Maybe I wouldn’t have to lie about being okay.

But don't you tell me you're okay too,
Because we both know it isn't true.

There's this feeling.
In the pit of my stomach.
It makes me kind of think,
Something will definitely go wrong.

I had plans today.
Things I could have done.
People I could have talked to.
But now I'll just play dumb.

I wish I could make it go.
Fly away, fall like the sun.
I needed something to make me strong.
Not something that makes my anxiety strong.

It hasn't disappeared yet.
It's been making me fret.
It's been several hours.
It's not like somebody brought me flowers.

I shouldn't feel like I'm nauseous.
I feel like I'm at a loss.
What could I have done that would have been a total failure today?
What kind of button would have pressed play,
On all my bad luck?

Maybe tomorrow I can use my luck.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
Maybe I won't feel like a crook,
Every time I start a single letter.

See the hiccuping of the boy,
I think he's angry at the joy.

He finds it hard to see the plant,
Overshadowed by the big ant.

Who is that dreaming near the cheese?
I think she'd like to eat the disease.

She is but a deep child,
Admired as she sits upon a wilde.

Her fascintating car is just a fish,
It needs no gas, it runs on dish.

She's not alone she brings an administration,
a pet buddy, and lots of information.

The buddy likes to chase a heartbreak,
Especially one that's in the cake.

The boy shudders at the creamy eye
He want to leave but she wants the lie.

God. How am I still not okay?

God. It's been so long.

God. I'm so tired of life right now.

God. What happened to me?

I was such a nice kid.
I was calm all the time.
Mature for my age,
Little but so lively.

I was so helpful.
So loyal.
I always supported my trust.
But I never really spoke my mind.

I was shy.
I was small.
I never stood up for my feelings
I never stood up for myself.

And now I'm older.
I realize I don't need support.
I need myself.
I need confidence.

Speaking your mind is not wrong.
Standing up for your feelings isn't rude.
Standing up for yourself isn't mean.
Saying what you feel doesn't make you imperfect.

No one's perfect. Not even them.
The ones you hate for being so amazing.
Maybe she has anxiety.
Maybe his mom is alcoholic.

No one has a perfect life.
There's not one perfect family in the world.
There is not a person in the world who's perfect.
There's not a person who doesn't have one bit of strife.

But just because you aren't perfect.
Doesn't make you less worth it.
You're amazing.
You're still charming, kind, and strong.

You're just more experienced.
You just understand some more things now.

And maybe, just maybe,
You just aren't as shy anymore.