the constant ticking in my head is painful
all i can think about is the
tick tick tick
echoing in my brain
the sound bouncing off my skull
it hurts
im sad
im anxious
tick tick tick
almost like a finger impatiently tapping
like someone is impatiently waiting for me to die
so the ticking will stop
so the ticking will cease
and I won't hurt
i won't be sad
i won't be anxious
i won't be imprisoned by the demons
or the
tick tick tick
i need a solace from the torture
a solace from the pain
from my heartbeat
from my life
i can't take the
tick tick tick
a gun
a pill
a rope
an antidote to life
an antidote to the chains
an antidote to the infuriating
tick tick tick
that goes on inside my head
pull the trigger
swallow the pill
tie the rope
end my pain
end my sorrow
end my life
anything to end the
tick tick tick
anything to end the feeling of
tick tick tick
tick
tick
tick
click
click
click
silence

I lie here,

Covered in shame,
All I can think about is my mistakes,
Nothing I've done makes
This life worth living...

Someone listen to my cries or
Let me die.
Each breath is
Excruciating...
Please, let me sleep forever

there is something in my head,
something deep inside me,
living off my happiness and
expelling all my conscienceness

this thing inside my head,
the thing that's deep within,
whispers things to me and
tells me who to be

the thing inside my head,
the thing that's deep within,
is poison slowly killing me and
only death can save me

demons in my head,
demons deep within,
demons come to **** me and
only death can free me

there is light without me
I do not bring joy
or happiness
or purpose
I do not bring
anything to the table
I do not bring
anything useful
I do not bring a single
dam smile to anyone's face
because I am darkness
and light is abundant without me
I do not belong here
with these talented
and smart and
beautiful people
I do not belong here
I do not fit in with these
motivated and driven
and perfect people
I do not belong
where the light is
for I am darkness
and light does not need me
this world does not need me
these people do not need me
I am not needed
nor am I wanted
I am a waste and I am
taking the place of someone
who deserves this
more so than me
because I am darkness
and light detests me
I am disliked
I am unloved
I am forgotten
I am dead
darkness is me
darkness is in my head
darkness is abundant
and the light in me has fled

I didn't die because I thought that I would give this life a chance and honestly what was I thinking... being dead is peaceful and being alive is stressful and yet, here I am, alive and well because you said I had to give this life a chance... and well, I am, I did, wheres the feelings of happiness you talk about, huh? where is that joy that comes in the morning and all I feel is mourning and honestly what was I thinking... being dead is peaceful... what was I expecting, being alive is stressful... let me make a deal with you... I'll stay alive if, and only if, sobriety is out of the question because living sober means getting over these feelings of losing him and I am not ready to move on, I am not ready to get over us, what we had... living life is stressful, being dead is peaceful. I know this is blunt, I know that this might worry you but trust me when I say I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention. I didn't expect you to confront me about my insecurities or try to purify me with sobriety... no, I'm not ready. listen to me when I tell you that life is stressful but being dead is peaceful. why can't you understand that this life is stressful? I didn't die because I thought that maybe this life held something good, but I came to find that life is stressful... and being dead is beautiful...

it's a story about a girl who wanted nothing more than to feel something instead of nothing. she tried everything, from ***** to drugs to *** and it all worked momentarily and in the end, she found out that temporary happiness wasn't everything she expected. it cost her life. she became disconnected from family and friends left her stranded and she lost everything. it cost her everything. rehab was a bust because when she was released she ****** herself right back into the hole she thought she filled up for good. ***** to drugs to ***... it all worked momentarily and once again she found out that these temporary reliefs were too **** expensive but that didn't stop her. no, nothing stopped her from finishing a bottle, or from going full throttle on someone who didn't even ******* care about her. no, nothing stopped her. ***** to drugs to ***... it all worked momentarily but this time she found eternity.

you told me you were different
you told me you would treat me right
you told me to trust in you
and I did, I trusted you
and for what?
I lost my sanity
I lost my identity
who I was is no longer who I am
because I let you take that from me

I hate myself for allowing you to use me
lie to me
hurt me
scar me

you want to come back into my life
and... honestly...
I crave the hurt
I know its unhealthy
I know its wrong
but yet
a part of me
wants you again
a part of me is so numb that it would do anything to feel something
even you
especially you