My heart went fluttering with fear
Lest you should go, and leave me here
To beat my breast and rock my head
And stretch me sleepless on my bed.
Ah, clear they see and true they say
That one shall weep, and one shall stray
For such is Love's unvarying law....
I never thought, I never saw
That I should be the first to go;
How pleasant that it happened so!

We meet, I obsess
I wait for a text, end up barraging them with more
I overthink myself into a crazy stupor
The cycle continues on.

I tell myself to stop
It's one more thing for me to think about
It's one more situation to waste my time
The cycle pauses, then restarts again.

Everyone knows about it because I tell them
I stop myself with metaphorical duct tape
I rip it off and tell everyone anyway
The cycle has no ending once it has begun.

This is the mistake I constantly make
I feel clingy, even though I probably am not
(But I am, so it is fruitless)
The cycle rotates in the backburner, a solid reminder.

It’s not a crush, it’s just a shortlived fascination
I declare my love, as I do for countless others
Masochism is apparently inbuilt
The cycle goes on, an infinite loop of repeated thoughts.

"It hurt," she said through confused tears.
I didn't know I had opened a hidden fear.
By me saying that the scars didn't bother me,
There was something further that she didn't see.
It bothered me so much that she went to a knife for comfort, while I was so near. It bothered me that she told me her struggles, only after she shed tears. It bothered me that she felt so alone. But it didn't **** me. I won't let it. Because I know that there is not scar that can't be healed by the right hand. There is no wound that can't be sewn shut with the right care. And I know that there is nothing she alone should have to bear. For I am, and will always be right here.

I hate it.
I hate how you assume I'm okay.
You think that the lack of loud words pouring from my chapped lips means that all is well within my iron mind.
You haven't been paying attention to the story I have painted across lines, numbers, and years that pass by.
You haven't been paying attention to my crumbling, marble legs, or my withering, painted-on smile.
You haven't noticed the torn, tissue paper heart within the glass cavity that is my chest.
Whether I'm quiet or shattering the silence with my anguished screaming, you never seem to notice.
I hate that.

my words take shape of verses while talking to you

your sadness is showing,
put it away.
no one wants to see
your depression today.

it's not time for that,
some might say,
its so unbecoming
to act that way.

your anxiety is showing,
tuck it in.
the world shows no interest
in what's under your skin.

take a deep breath,
that's where you begin,
or, that's what they say
with a pat and a grin.

your illness is showing,
keep it away.
no one is interested
in that anyway.

but by letting it fester,
and by letting it stay,
it might make me
disappear some day.

I had always complained a lot,
Whether it was cold or hot,
If I didn't, my guts felt entangled in knots.
I had complained about getting a shot,
And got told 'you should get shot'.
I would drive into a parking lot,
Complain about why it was called a lot,
When there was so little parking.
I would complain about cats barking,
And dogs meowing.
I would complain,
When the ice cream was plain,
And when I was in pain...

It was just the way I was,
I tried changing who I was,
Only to realize it's changing bees to wasp.
So I stopped,
Dropped,
And just gave up.

To this day I say,
If you can put up with complaints,
Yet somehow stay sane,
There's just a chance we were made for one another.

I believe that,
There is one person,
Made for everyone.
Even in a world of 7 billion people,
There has to be one...

No emotion means
No worries.
No problems.  

Where do I sign up?

By loving you I learned to hate myself
In finding you I learned to lose myself
Eyes roll back into my head,
Decorated by ugly shades of red
Don't really know if I meant what I said,
If I'd rather be dead

Couldn't stop the shakes
Turned my tears into lakes
Trying to teach myself not to need you here
This is someone trying to disappear

Craving your careful stroke of my hair
That simple bliss so temporary

But in leaving you I've learned to need myself
And in forgetting you I've learned to be myself
They said life teaches you how to live it,
you just have to live long enough to get it