I fell but I didn't stay down,                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
got back up & I looked
around                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                  
While there, guess what I
found                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                      
that I was still success
bound                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
For all of those who laughed at
me,                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                    
  hurt me more than
  repeatedly,                                                   ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                
took their pleasure in my pain,                                                      
                                                                ­                                            
kicked me over & over
again                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                                        
I hold myself with a sense of
pride                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
and that takes more than you  
realize                                                          ­                                
                                                                ­                                                     
 It would be easier to roll over &
  die                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
but it's not in me to not at least
try                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                               
 Now that my life's on the right track,                                              
                                                                ­                                                
    there is no more going
   back                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                  
It is you that I feel sorry
for,                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                               
 ­ you don't know what a heart is
for                                                              ­        
                                                        ­                                                                
I am going to spend my
time,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                           
 healing my heart ,body &
  mind,                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                              
while you continue to be miserable,                                                       ­ 
                                                                ­                                                        
I will continue to be wonderful!

She stayed quiet & chained,                                                         ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
too tired, too weak to
think                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
He knew that she would
stay                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
as he poured another
drink                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
She was so beaten
down,                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                                     
she didn't even disagree                                                         ­                   
                                                                ­                                              
While he was *******
around                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
she told people she was happy                                                            ­                                                                 ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                
He took full advantage
of                                                               ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­            
a love he never
deserved                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                  
  When would she call his
  bluff?                                                        ­                
                                                ­                                                              
  ­When would her voice be
  heard?                                                        ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
  Would there ever come a
  day,                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
  that her pain would find a
way                                                             ­                                                                 ­
                                                                ­                                                 
 and her rage would blow him
  away?                                                         ­       
                                                         ­                                                           
No one would blink an
eye                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                  
but she would still probably
cry                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                              
While everyone was asking
why,                                                             ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
she was not able to say good-
bye                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­ 
To the man who held her
down                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                    
so, he could keep her in
check,                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
face pushed into the
ground,                                                         ­                                                         
                                                                ­                                                
and kept his foot on her neck                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                    
  When would she break
  free,                                                         ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                          
  be who she wanted to
  be                                                            ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                             
  not a victim of
  brutality                                                     ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                  
  Why would she dare to disagree?

I have been medicated                                                        ­                            
                                                                ­                                              
because life is overrated,                                                       ­                 
                                                                ­                                                        
it's better when I'm sedated                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                          
If I wasn't I wouldn't make it                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­      
This is my brain on drugs                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­           
I only nod yes, or shrug                                                            ­                            
                                                                ­                                                  
Let the world handle the pain,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
I like it here with the insane                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                               
 ­ Behind my fortress walls,                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                                        
  I can hide away from it all                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­ 
  Let the world self-destruct                                                    ­                                
                                                                ­                                                
  from here it doesn't matter much

Day in and day out,                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                      
feet shuffle, heads down                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
Take your eyes off the ground,                                                          ­                                      
                                                                ­                                                    
look & take in the sounds                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
Life if going to pass you by,                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                                          
if you don't soon realize                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                            
Nighttime lights off,                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­
your body's had too much                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                         
Tomorrow is another day,                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­    
don't sleep your life away                                                             ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                    
Get up without delay                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­        
  and start another great day

I know the chances I
take                                                             ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                                 
    and I can make
mistakes                                                         ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                      
but head on, no
brakes                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­              
  won't stop until I break                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                  
  Consequences are
paid,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                          
  I live with them every
  day                                                           ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
I can't help myself,                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                        
 I think I like it in
hell                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                    
It's a fine line that I walk,                                                            ­                                        
                        ­                                                                 ­                               
I take credit and the fault                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­   
I'm sorry it affects you                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
but after what I've been
through                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­           
It is the only way I know,                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                    
it is a weight that I tow                                                              ­                            
                                                                ­                                                
This is all that I am,                                                              ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
just another lost human

If you sewed my mouth up,                                                              ­                
                                                                ­                                                      
my eyes would still speak                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                                          
If you tore my tongue out,                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­            
I could still clench my teeth                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­                     
If I slit open my wrists,                                                          ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                
words would bleed out of me                                                               ­                                                           
                                                                ­                                                  
You can't stop me from feeling                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
If I close my eyes tight,                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
my tears would tell the tale                                                             ­                                               
                                                                ­                                                  
Put me in a room with no light,                                                           ­             
                                                   ­                                                               
  my aura pulsates & swells                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
  if you cut my hands off,                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                    
  I'd learn to write with my feet                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
   I'm someone who feels too much                                                    
                                                                ­                                                                 ­           
  and you can't stop me

Your fire will burn us alive,                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                        
I will be happy not to survive                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                          
I want to feel the heat of your
flame,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                           
let it burn me again & again                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­               
I want to spend all my days,                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                          
consumed by your white-hot blaze                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                        
I crave all of your intensity                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
  I want to burn for eternity

Take me where the grass grows,                                                           ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
high up over my knees,                                                           ­                                                         
       ­                                                                 ­                                                
to a place the cool breeze blows,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                   
somewhere that I can breathe                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
I'll bask in the sunlight,                                                        ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
facing the bright blue sky                                                              ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                    
  I'll take in all the sights,                                                          ­                    
                                                                ­                                                  
listen to the wildlife,                                                        ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
  absorb the scenery                                                          ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                     
   Feel as free as a kite,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
   and let nature swallow me

I will bend but I will not
break,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
I have given more than I
take,                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­     
I have fallen but got back
up,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                     
    paid my dues more than
enough                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
Have stood tall against the
storm,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
faced those who have done me
wrong,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
I've surprised even
myself,                                                          ­                                      
                          ­                                                                 ­                 
walked through the fires of
hell                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                            
 You may ask me
  how,                                                          ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­               
I'm still strong even
now                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
I have one word to
say,                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                
God, helps me through each
day                                                              ­  
                                                              ­                                                  
  With him in my
  heart,                                                        ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                               
 each day's a new
start                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­               
  He gives me all I need,                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                            
  healing me when I
  bleed                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                                        
I owe him everything,                                                      ­                                                    
                                                                ­                                                  
  I love the peace he brings                                                           ­                                                       
         ­                                                                 ­                                        
My inner strength is
him                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
He loves me despite my sins.

After the first storm of spring                                                           ­                             
                                                                ­                                                  
turns everything to green,                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                                
making all the birds sing                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
Where have all the flowers been?                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­     
It smells so fresh outside,                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­            
as I stand in the sunlight,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­               
I can see blue birds in flight,                                                          ­                      
                                                                ­                                                      
their colors are so bright                                                           ­                     
                                                                ­                                              
There are buds on the trees,                                                           ­   
                                                             ­                                                 
  trying to turn into leaves                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                         
  Children crossing the street,                                                          ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­         
  kites blowing in the breeze,                                                        
 ­                                                                 ­                                  
  earthworms peeking from the dirt,                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                
­  mother rabbits giving birth                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                        
  Daffodils pushing up through                                                        
 ­                                                                 ­                                              
with their bright yellow hues                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
The wonder of Spring                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
the renewed hope it brings                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                          
  Chasing Winter blues away,                                                            ­                        
                                                                ­                                                
what a beautiful day

You breathed life into my heart when it was deflated,                                          
             ­                                                                 ­                                        
you changed my mind even after it was jaded                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
You gave me a reason to get up every day                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­   
and you showed me love all along the way                                                              ­
                                                                ­                                                      
You taught me how to laugh & be
myself,                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
­ you showed me the way out of my shell                                                            ­                                                                 ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
Who am I kidding? you changed everything                                                       ­ 
                                                                ­                                              
When I'm with you I feel like a queen                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                              
  Before you I was alive but not living,                                                    
     ­                                                                 ­                                      
  you've accepted me since the beginning                                                        ­        
                                                                ­                                              
   When I feel down, you lift me up                                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  and shower me with beautiful love                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                                 ­
I often wonder where I would be                                                               ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
if you had never loved me

My heart is a gray painted room                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
  the paint is chipped & peeling off                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
The only window I can view,                                                            ­                    
                                                                ­                                                        
is filthy & the dirt is smudged                                                          ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
The dimmed light that filters
in                                                               ­             
                                                                ­                                                          
is speckled with floating dust                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
but yet I can still pretend                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
that that is good enough                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                  
the wallpaper under it,                                                              ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
almost hidden from view                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
pictures of daisy & violets                                                          ­                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
and dandelions too                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                                
­ Even though it's faded,                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                    
  it's still able to be seen                                                             ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                        
 It has not dissipated                                                       ­                                     
                                                                ­                                            
there's still love in me

I can't keep giving away pieces of me,                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                        
to someone who regards them so
carelessly                                                       ­     
                                                                ­                                                
You've made me put up a protective
wall                                                        
                                                                ­                                              
because you don't deserve me at
all                                                              ­    
                                                            ­                                                              
I remember when our love was
carefree,                                                        ­                  
                                                                ­                                                  
when I thought you really loved
me                                                               ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­        
but I don't feel the same
today,                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­  
since I've had to take my trust
away                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                             
Chances are you were always this way,                                        
                                                                ­                                            
putting yourself first every
day                                                              ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
I admit there were times I didn't
see,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
you couldn't be mine
faithfully                                                       ­                 
                                                                ­                                                        
I felt if I just loved you
more,                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                              
  you'd step up, make me feel
secure                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                
That didn't happen, so here we are,                                                          
                                                                ­                                          
together still but our hearts so far.

So many words written on
me,                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
that define my
personality                                                      ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                     
Even though they are not
seen,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                    
they mirror
accountability                                                   ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­              
Some are benign, mother &
wife                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                           
others reflect my road map of
life                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
  Documents of sadness &
  pain                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                          
labeling me again &
again                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                            
Failure is a word I
see,                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
in every picture taken of
me                                                               ­           
                                                                ­                                              
Every image, glance or
stare                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                            
  reflects the words," I don't
care"                                                            ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­   
  degrading remarks once
  said                                                          ­            
                                                    ­                                                                
­  are written across my
forehead                                                         ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­    
   In bold black letters I can
  see                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
   the word victimized on
  me                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                
­   Invisible to the human eye,                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                    
  are they truth or are they lies?

You & I have disconnected,                                                    ­                                  
somewhere along the way                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                  
 I've been feeling neglected                                                        ­
                                                                ­                                                    
more with every passing
day                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­       
  If I ever asked you to
go,                                                              ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
  would you ask me to
stay,                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                                  
  and even if I had said
no,                                                              ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­       
   would you stay
anyway?                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
   If I thought you
cared,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                      
    if I knew you loved
me,                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­       
   the house that we
shared,                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                        
    wouldn't feel so
  lonely                                                        ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                     
    If I believed you would try,                                                             ­                               
                                                                ­                                                      
    if I knew you'd be there,                                                           ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                      
     then my crying eyes,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                        
    wouldn't have this cold stare                                                            ­                                                                 ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
    I have done more than my part,                                                            ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                 
    I've stepped up to the plate                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                  
   and now my once loving heart,                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                             
   ­ is only filled with hate

Our love has spanned a lifetime,                                                        ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­               
even apart you're still on my mind                                                             ­     
                                                           ­                                               
Wherever you are I find myself,                                                          ­                                
                                                                ­                                                      
never wanted to be anywhere else                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
Reach for me, I'll be right there                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­       
I'll always be there, will always care                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
I close my eyes; it's you I see                                                              ­        
                                                        ­                                                
wherever you are it's always with me

The rain comes
down,                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­               
  making plinking
sounds,                                                          ­                                              
                                                                ­                                              
forming puddles all
around,                                                          ­                        
                                                                ­                                                    
dark skies the
background                                                       ­                         
                                                                ­                                                        
                                                                ­                                                      
I hold my face up,                                                              ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­     
 put my hands like a
  cup,                                                          ­                            
                                                                ­                                                  
begin to let it fill
up                                                               ­                               
                                                                ­                                                
Hold it up to my
lips                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
with wet
fingertips                                                       ­                                       
                                                                ­                                          
Nothing better than
this,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
  a raindrops kiss

I saw the light in your eyes go out as I leave,                                        
                  ­                                                                 ­                               
heard you struggle for breath 'cause the air went with me                                                               ­     
                                                           ­                                                               
I have to admit I was more than pleased,                                                         ­                                                     
           ­                                                                 ­                                            
for the past hundred years you did it to me                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                                     
I wanted to look back & see if you were crying                                                      
    ­                                                                 ­                                                 
and it took all my strength to stop me from trying                                      
                                                                ­                                                          
  I wanted to watch your heartache firsthand                                                        ­
                                                                ­                                                  
  but then I'd be like you & I'm better than that                                        
                    ­                                                                 ­                               
  I'd have to be satisfied leaving you sitting there                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                        
   knowing that I hate you & now life is fair

I've been taking down the giants in my
life                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                             
Lining them all up without thinking
twice                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                      
I'm so tired of bending for everyone
else,                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                                    
it's time for me to raise a little bit of
hell                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                
Trying to breathe life into my
brokeness,                                                       ­   
                                                             ­                                                    
getting all the negativity off my
chest                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                                 ­ 
  I won't be bullied into changing my
mind,                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                          
every dog gets his day & I 'm taking
mine                                                            ­                                                    
            ­                                                                 ­                                           
You can't guilt me into thinking like
you                                                          
   ­                                                                 ­                                                    
I don't care if you don't like the
truth                                                            ­                
                                                                ­                                              
That's the first thing that you should
see,                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
this isn't about you, it's all about
me                                                              
                                                                ­                                                        
I found out something can you guess
what?                                                      
     ­                                                                 ­                                            
My opinion matters, so keep your mouth shut

No one cares what you've been
through,                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                         
all the details, of what they did to
you                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­         
  I have been there & all I have to
say,                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                      
  is  you need to heal, find your own
way                                                              ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­         
How long will you stay in your
past?                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­     
How long do you want the pain to
last?                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                
Holding up your angry walls is hard to
do,                                                            
                                                                ­                                              
you're wasting energy that could heal
you                                                    
         ­                                                                 ­                                    
What you put out, comes back times
three,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                
 can you live with all the
  negativity?                                                   ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
If you can't forgive than try to
forget,                                                        
 ­                                                                 ­                                      
everyone in life has pain and
regrets                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
You can't take back what happened
yesterday                                                        ­    
                                                            ­                                                      
but you can begin again and change today

This is my voice,                                                           ­                                           
                                                                ­                                                      
pen & paper pain                                                             ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                      
I've made the choice                                                           ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                            
to blot the stain                                                            ­                                                  
              ­                                                                 ­                               
Band-Aid pulled off,                                                             ­                                                           
     ­                                                                 ­                                                  
let the wound bleed                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                                      
Yes, it is
tough                                                           ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                         
but it's what I
need                                                             ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                              
I can't pretend                                                          ­                                    
                            ­                                                                 ­                   
  that I am
  fine                                                          ­                                          
                      ­                                                                 ­                             
so, I use my pen                                                              ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                    
 to speak my
  mind                                                          ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­             
Journal
everything,                                                      ­                                    
                                                                ­                                            
getting it all
out                                                              ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­           
because doing
nothing                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
is a silent shout

I could write you a letter                                                           ­                                                  
                                                                ­                                                    
tell you how I really feel                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                    
Bare my heart on white
paper,                                                           ­                               
                                 ­                                                                 ­                
make assurances that it's real                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                   
Threaten you amongst hot
tears,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
point my finger towards you                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
but I know you have deaf ears                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                  
and feel nothing will ever do                                                               ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
The truth is we both try
  hard                                                          ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­             
and we are both
complicated                                                      ­                            
                                                                ­                                          
Holding to the chest all the cards                                                            ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                
that may be the key to save us                                                               ­   
                                                                ­                                            
Fearful to reveal our love                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­       
find reasons to give
up                                                               ­                                         
                       ­                                                                 ­                      
Never feeling we are loved                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                      
and unwilling to fully trust                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                      
It never is an easy thing,                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
to pretend we don't feel the pain                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
but deep inside we feel
something                                                        ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
that makes us want to try
again                                                            ­    
                                                                ­                                                    
So please believe nothing's
changed                                                          ­                                              
                  ­                                                                 ­                                 
My feelings of love remain,                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                          
you & I are too close to the
same                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
and I really want to try again

I'm trying hard to not react,                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­        
to get all of my power back                                                             ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­      
Calling on an inner peace                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                        
to set me free & give me relief                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
As I breathe in and then exhale,                                                          ­                        
                                                                ­                                                      
my cooler head soon prevails                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                            
 Confident that I can
succeed,                                                         ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 
 that I have all that I need                                                             ­           
                                                                ­                                                    
So, the tables are
turning                                                          ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                 
and I find myself learning                                                         ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
That if I take it day by
day,                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
I might end up being okay

Here I stand before you,                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
heart shattered, ego bruised                                                          ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­          
  The accuser and the accused,                                                         ­                     
                                                                ­                                                        
all judgement coming from
you                                                              ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
I'm sorry I'm not able to be                                                               ­                                   
                             ­                                                                 ­                        
the person you're
remembering                                                      ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
What I think I often speak,                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
it doesn't make me fragile or
weak                                                             ­ 
                                                               ­                                                     
As you stand here beside me,                                                            
                                                                ­                                                  
  you still act high &
mighty                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­    
  Like you have the authority,                                                       ­               
                                                                ­                                                      
to question me so harshly                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­      
 If you get cut you still
  bleed,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
   you are no different than me

One, Two, three breathe,                                                         ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­    
calmness washes over
me                                                               ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                  
Allow me to close my eyes,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
let the world pass on by                                                               ­     
                                                           ­                                                     
Permit my mind drift away,                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                            
shift my focus to better days                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                       
Open up my wings and fly,                                                             ­                                                                 ­                                          
  a free and graceful
  butterfly                                                     ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                  
Feel the mist in the clouds,                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                             
 erase any and all doubts                                                           ­                 
                                                                ­                                                
Face up into the hot sun,                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­        
looking down on everyone                                                         ­                         
                                                                ­                                                 
 The brightness is blinding
me                                                               ­         
                                                       ­                                                           
but it's what I needed to
see                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                              
Ex­actly how I want to feel                                                             ­                             
                                                                ­                                                    
so that I can begin to heal                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
Let it lead where it
leads,                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                           
Calmn­ess washes over me

I am going to hide within myself,                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
seem­s I can't trust anyone else                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                           
  Betrayed by those closest to me,                                                            
 ­                                                                 ­                                                  
why is this even happening?                                                       ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                    
  I'm no longer able to afford trust,                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
when do I say enough is enough!                                                          ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
  Life shouldn't be this hard,                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­           
it's time I chest all my cards                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­             
I guess what they say is true,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                        
  the only true best friend is you

There's no sense in me giving my opinions,                                                        ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
when you're the one making all the decisions                                                      
                                                                ­                                                    
Your attitude makes me feel worthless,                                                       ­     
                                                                ­                                                            giving you my heart, Oh so careless                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                   
What happened to the man you used to
be?                                            
                                                                ­                                                      
Not this figure standing over me,                                                              ­            
                                                                ­                                                  
veins bulging out of your neck,                                                            ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­         
while your dark eyes are seeing
red                                                              ­                          
                                                                ­                                                  
Was the love you spoke of, ever real,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                  
was it all words that you didn't feel?                                                        
   ­                                                                 ­                                                 
 If I don't leave you, I'll never
be                                                               ­         
                                                       ­                                                     
anyone I had ever hoped to be                                                               ­   
                                                                ­                                                        
  I don't know if you care or can't
see,                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
                                                                ­                                                
 that your kind of love is killing me

You drug me down in my despair,                                                         ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
you shamed me into staying there,                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                             
made me feel that no one cared,                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
I was a prisoner in the devil's lair                                                             ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                              
Every time I gathered up strength,                                                        ­            
                                                    ­                                                                  
 you assured me you were my friend                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
Went on & on to great lengths,                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                                  
you loved me when others didn't                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                                    
I'd given more than I really had                                                              ­                          
                                                                ­                                                
held you whenever you were sad                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
but you never gave me anything back,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 
leaving me broken & in your grasp                                                            ­                                                                 ­           
                                                                ­                                                        
I was focused on that tiny light                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­           
  that shone in my heart, so bright                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                                        
I knew there was a better life                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                     
not with you but Jesus
Christ                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
I called out to God in Jesus's name,                                                    
       ­                                                                 ­                                        
asked him to heal this heart of pain,                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                            
to let me walk in the light
again,                                                           ­                                             
                   ­                                                                 ­                          
allow peace of mind to begin                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                        
as I planned my
disentanglement                                                  ­                
                                                ­                                                               
 from life with you &
  punishment                                                    ­                      
                                                                ­                                                  
for a power that was heaven
sent                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                     
and now I cherish life's every moment

I am giving what I get,                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
I am keeping all my best,                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                                     
See if you can pass the test                                                             ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
when you're left with all the rest,                                                            ­                                            

                                                                 ­                                                      
  I am treating you like ****                                                         
   ­                                                                 ­                                            
  then delivering another
hit                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
See how you deal with it                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­
when the tides start to shift                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­ 
Feel me start to pull away,                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                              
ignore you more everyday                                                         ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­      
don't care what you have to say                                                              ­  
                                                              ­                                          
Convince you everything's okay                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
Act like I can't understand,                                                      ­            
                                                    ­                                                              
pull that, here we go
again                                                            ­                  
                                                                ­                                              
Stomp my feet, make demands                                                          ­        
                                                                ­                                      
Embarrass you because I
can                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                
  Put you down so
publicly,                                                        ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­ 
  Control you so
  insultingly                                                   ­                             
                                                                ­                                                
Hear I love you & don't repeat,                                                          ­
                                                                ­                                                 
  it's time you felt more like me

Is it that you aren't up to the task                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
  or maybe you are too afraid to ask,                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­     
    when you see that I'm falling apart                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
that I detect apathy in your heart?                                                           ­ 
                                                                ­                                                    
Was our love real or was I wrong                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                        
have you always been stringing me
along?                                                  
        ­                                                                 ­                                               
I thought you were always going to
be                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                   
someone who would be there for
me                                                               ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­
I've been truthful & true to
you,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                  
had your back when you felt
abused                                                           ­         
                                                       ­                                                               
 ­ A shoulder to cry on when in need,                                                  
                                                                ­                                                  
I've patched you up
repeatedly                                                       ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
but every time I have fallen down,                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                          
  you let me lay there on the
   ground                                                           ­       
                                                                ­                                                     
 It was easier for you to walk
away,                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
than to be support for me &
stay                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                        
  I think deep down I 've always
known                                                            ­        
                                                                ­                                                     
  that your true colors have
shown                                                            ­      
                                                          ­                                                              
I was too in love with love to
see                                                              ­                                            
 that you never stood beside me

You have made it so loud & clear,                                                           ­                                             
   that my efforts are not wanted
  here                                                          ­                
                                                                ­                                                      
  I've given you more than I
received,                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
hoping you'd give me what I need                                                                     ­                                                       
I blame myself for loving
   you,                                                             ­                   
                                                                ­                                                      
for tolerating all of your
abuse                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                            
 Keeping your secrets to keep
  you,                                                          ­            
                                                                ­                                              
made me equally as wrong as
you                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                              
  I can't even say that you used
  me,                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                        
I gave of myself so
eagerly                                                          ­                        
                                                                ­                                                
Even when I felt you
distancing,                                                      ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­           
I gave you all the time to be
free                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
So wrapped up in you, I didn't
see,                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                   
that you were manipulating
me                                                               ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­  
Your happiness was my
priority,                                                        ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­ 
even if it meant I got
nothing                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
They say you accept the
love                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
 you feel you are deserving
  of                                                            ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
  My eyes are open to who you
  are                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                  
  and that I have been living behind bars

You act like I owe you something,                                                       ­                     
                                                                ­                                                      
was it a favor that you said?                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­   
Because I owe you nothing,                                                         ­                           
                                                                ­                                                      
you can get that out of your
head                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                      
All I see when I look at
you,                                                             ­               
                                                                ­                                                          is everything that I've been
  through                                                       ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­        
So, what do expect I'll do                                                               ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
when you're the person who                                                              ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­ 
didn't care when you made me cry,                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                            
walked away with hate filled eyes                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                              
Every single time I tried                                                            ­                              
                                                                ­                                                
  you killed what was left
inside                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                            
Funny how things turned around                                                           ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
ever since I stood my
ground                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­      
You never thought I could                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­     
even though you knew I should                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                 
 You will no longer hold me down                                                             ­             
                                                                 ­                                                 
  my eyes are wide open now

I am a patchwork mess,                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
full of stitches & scars                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­               
I've been doing my best                                                             ­                         
                                                                ­                                                        
so, I don't fall apart                                                            ­                                
                                                                ­                                                    
  I've been loving on
   empty,                                                           ­                   
                                                                   ­                                              
there's nothing left to give                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
I need positive
energy                                                           ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                      
just to breathe & live                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                        
The strings on my heart                                                            ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­         
are worn down & frail                                                            ­                            
                                                                ­                                          
playing their part                                                             ­                                     
                           ­                                                                 ­                        
of why I ail                                                              ­                                              
                                                                ­                                                      
Is there anyone                                                           ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                      
who can re-sew me?                                                              ­                            
                                                                ­                                                      
Is there anyone                                                           ­                                 
                                                                ­                                                
with a seamstress
degree?                                                          ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
I am a patchwork
mess                                                             ­                                       
                         ­                                                                 ­                  
stuffed with regrets

My whole life I've been yearning                                                         ­               
                                                                ­                                                      
for someone to make me feel whole                                                            ­      
                                                                ­                                                      
and right now, I have been learning                                                         ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
      that the cure is right in my soul                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                         
Looking­ out to fix what's within,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                  
while letting the wrong people in                                                               ­       
                                                         ­                                                                 ­
  It is now the time that I start filling                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
  my heart with the empty hole                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                               
  Putting trust into so called friends,                                                         ­     
                                                                ­                                                
  who abused that trust in the end                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­   
  I am the one who let them in,                                                              ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­   
  I will not be that person again                                                            ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­                       
I need to start loving me                                                               ­                         
                                                                ­                                                
with all the passion that I need                                                             ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­          
The love I gave away so easily                                                           ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­  
to those who don't deserve me                                                               ­       
                                                                ­                                                      
I can set myself
free,                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­            
 by turning that love on me

Bitterness, anger, disgust & hatred                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­            
  the resentment for you inside me rages                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­     
I don't have anything left to lose                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                          
I have given my everything to you,                                                             ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
  and this is what you gave to
me                                                               ­             
                                                   ­                                                                 ­  
You have left me emotionally damaged,                                                         ­     
                                                           ­                                                           
you have left my shattered heart ravaged                                                          ­                                        
                                                                ­                                                          
If I had had the choice to choose,                                                          ­    
                                                                ­                                                      
I would not ever have loved you                                                              ­    
                                                            ­                                                      
 and this is what you gave to me

It's five in the morning & I haven't slept,                                                        
                                                                ­                                                    
Your pillow is moist from the tears that I
wept                                                             ­                                                   
             ­                                                                 ­                                        
The bed is indented from where you once
laid,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                        
let me in on this game that you play                                                             ­             
                                                                ­                                                          
I guess I was a fool now looking at the facts,                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­             
never thought you'd leave, or I'd want you
back                                                             ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­           
  I always told you to go if you didn't like it
here,                                                    
       ­                                                                 ­                                              
I didn't mean it to be so loud &
clear                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                                
We threw words like knives, hoping to wound,                                    
                                                                ­                                                
Why couldn't we had worked it out more soon                                                             ­             
                                                   ­                                                               
You never want what you have until it's gone,                                            
                                                                ­                                                
  I   have only ever wanted you, all along

This page is saturated,                                                       ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­          
with anger & self-hatred                                                      ­                
There's fury churning in
me                                                               ­               
                                                                ­                                                
Under close
inspection,                                                      ­                                
                                                                ­                                                        
    I hate my own
reflection                                                       ­                                         
                                                                ­                                                  
spare me your
pity                                                             ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
A senseless waste of life,                                                            ­                          
                                                                ­                                          
pressured & under strife                                                           ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                                                             
Danger lurks just beneath,                                                         ­                 
                                               ­                                                                 ­      
a knife without a sheath                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­                  
         I lash out or I'll
    implode,                                                    ­                            
                                                                ­                                                    
sensory overload                                                         ­                                               
                 ­                                                                 ­                      
Cutthroat with bad intentions,                                                      ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­     
you know, so stop pretending                                                       ­                                         
                                                                ­                                                  
No one can ever help me,                                                              ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
I can't stand my own misery

I've been going home for years & years,                                                           ­                                               
                                                                ­                                                      
and every time it brings me to tears                                                            ­                                          
                      ­                                                                 ­                               
but it gives me the strength to go on                                                               ­   
                                                                ­                                                   
 even though no one is longer home                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                         
  Memories around every corner lies,                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                                 ­     
it's so hard to leave it all behind,                                                          ­        
                                                                ­                                                    
can't stay away, God knows I've tried,                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                   
thoughts of family make me cry                                                              ­                
                                                ­                                                        
They're gone but their spirits linger on                                                              
­                                                                 ­                                                
   and they keep calling me back home

I woke up feeling discontent,                                                      ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
weak, scared, incompetent                                                      ­                        
                                        ­                                                                 ­             
Too afraid to move ahead,                                                           ­                   
                                                                ­                                                        
    a voice screamed in my
  head,                                                         ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­             
what I thought of myself was
true,                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                          
and that it must **** to be you                                                              ­                    
                                                                ­                                                      
I've been down that road before,                                                          ­              
                                                                ­                                                          
it took me down, right to the floor                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                                
I stayed there & groveled about                                                    
                                                                ­                                              
trying to figure my ****** life out                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                              
Every time I feel I'm doing my best,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                  
  life throws me yet another test                                                             ­         
                                                       ­                                                       
  Those voices are right, you see,                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                      
    it does **** to be me

You do not know me,                                                              ­                            
                                    ­                                                                 ­                   
too caught up in
you                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                                     
 and that just shows
  me                                                            ­                                    
                                                                ­                                                      
you really don't want
to                                                               ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                        
So many chances
given,                                                           ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­          
as you make your excuse                                                           ­           
                                                                ­                                              
 Only one life I'm living                                                       ­                             
                                                                ­                                                      
and I feel I'm being used                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                               
 Why am I still with
  you?                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
  I don't know
anymore,                                                         ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
I thought I loved
you                                                              ­                                
                                                                ­                                                  
but I need something more                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
  Do I make it too
easy                                                             ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­              
for my needs to be ignored.                                                         ­                                                       
                                                                ­                                                    
It's you I've been pleasing,                                                        ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­           
  you take my all and more                                                             ­                                               
                                                                ­                                            
Now empty and
depleted                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
  you leave me feeling blue                                                             ­                           
                                                                ­                                            
Angry and
defeated,                                                        ­                                
                                ­                                                                 ­                     
I can't keep loving you

He hides from life, he runs away,                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                   
 can't handle the strife of his everyday                                                         ­       
                                                                ­                                                        
       If he doesn't see it, it did not happen,
                                                         ­                                                     
feelings reserved, he's living on   rations                                                          ­                                                                 ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
Can't take the pressure, can't push
himself,                                              
          ­                                                                 ­                                           
out of his safe zone and into our hell                                                             ­       
                                                                ­                                                     
So easy to pull the covers over your head,                                            
                                                                ­                                                        
I would rather live in the light
instead                                                          ­    
                                                                ­                                                
One day he will realize, he's all
alone                                                        
                                                                ­                                            
within the walls of his safety zone

How can the sun keep shining so bright,                                                          ­          
                                                      ­                                                            
when has darkness cast itself over my life?                                                      
                                                                ­                                                    
How can the birds keep singing merrily,                                                         ­ 
                                                               ­                                                   
when I'm feeling lost & so **** lonely?                                                          ­    
                                                            ­                                                        
  Why can't the world stop & grieve for
    me?                                                         ­               
                                                                ­                                                    
Why does it go on rather selfishly?                                                       ­                               
                                                                ­                                                      
All of the light in my life is gone,                                                            ­                      
                                                                ­                                                    
how can I be expected to move on?                                                              ­  
                                                                ­                                                      
I miss my life, the way it was then,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                              
when I was as happy as all of them

Hot tears sliding down flushed cheeks,                                                          ­        
                                                        ­                                                      
gasping sobs that make it hard to speak                                                            ­                                                
                ­                                                                 ­                                         
  I wipe the tears from your warm
face,                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
but they resurface and are
replaced                                                         ­                 
I see your eyes they're filled with
    pain,                                                       ­                 
                                                                ­                                              
comfort you over and over again                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
I'll hold you all night if I must,                                                            ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­         
fill you with love till you say enough                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                             
I know you need someone tonight,                                                         ­       
                                                         ­                                                     
allow me to show you some
light                                                            ­  
                                                              ­                                              
Forget whatever is hurting you,                                                          
                                                                ­                                                    
    let me put life in your eyes, so
blue                                                            
­                                                                 ­                                                     
I want to wipe those tears for good                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                    
  Let me love you, the way I
should                                                           ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­
   If you could open your heart to
  me,                                                          
                                                                ­                                                    
   I'll put a smile on your face, permanently

Just like a tapestry,                                                        ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                 
you are woven into
me                                                               ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­        
Two bodies, one
heartbeat,                                                       ­                               
                                                                ­                                                        
    I need you to feel complete                                                         ­       
                                                                ­                                          
  Whenever we are
apart,                                                           ­                         
                                       ­                                                                 ­              
you have a part of my
heart                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                                 ­       
   I could melt right into you                                         
                    ­                                                                 ­                                   
be your personal tattoo

I fought my way through the pain,                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                            walked through the fire of loss                                                             ­                     
                                                                ­                                                          
I fell over and over again                                                            ­                        
                                                                ­                                                      
and paid all that it cost                                                             ­                       
                                                                ­                                                
Picked up pieces of me                                                               ­                         
                                                                ­                                                      
that I lost along the way                                                              ­                                  
                              ­                                                                 ­               
savored & tasted victory                                                          ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­                   
and I stand here today                                                            ­                          
                                      ­                                                                 ­         
   Shed the tears as I was needing                                                          ­                          
                                                                ­                                                  
but I wiped them away,                                                            ­                            
                                                                ­                                                    
as my wounds were bleeding                                                         ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
I would kneel down and
pray                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                                 ­  
     I had to be there for
  myself,                                                       ­                           
                                                                ­                                                    
  no one else would stand up                                                               ­             
                                                                ­                                                      
        I had to walk through hell                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
but I never once gave
up                                                               ­                 
                                                                ­                                                
Now standing tall all alone,                                                           ­                       
                                                                ­                                                      
I found out I was strong                                                           ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­                    
  because I did it on my own                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­       
I am back, where I belong                                                           ­             
                                                                ­                                                      
It never was an easy road                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­    
and yes, I had lost my way                                                              ­          
                                                                ­                                                        
don't know what my future
holds                                                            ­          
 but I am here to stay

Picking up the pieces of my shattered heart,                                                           ­       
                                                         ­                                                         
and feeling like I am missing a few parts                                                            ­          
                                                                ­                                                      
      that you took with you when you walked away,                                            
               ­                                                                 ­                                    
hard as I try, I can't forget that day                                                              ­          
                                                      ­                                                                
I tell myself that I'm almost over you                                                          
   ­                                                                 ­                                          
because that is what I'm being told to do                                                          
    ­                                                                 ­                                             
Deep down inside I still know the
truth                                                            ­    
                                                            ­                                                          
  and my scars are more than proof                                                            ­                
                                                ­                                                              
When I go out, I still hear your name,                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                      
someone wanting to know who's to blame                                                  
         ­                                                                 ­                                        
For so long we were seen as one                                                              ­      
                                                          ­                                                        
that people don't believe we are done                                                             ­         
                                                                ­                                                
They tell me things I don't want to know,                                            
                                                                ­                                              
every single word comes as a blow                                                             ­     
                                                                ­                                                     
 It must be nice to heal so easily,                                                          ­              
                                                  ­                                                        
because I miss you & it's killing me                                                               ­     
                                                                ­                                                
They say that time heals all wounds                                                          
                                                                ­                                                  
but there's a hole in my heart shaped like you

If I reach down deep inside,                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­           
I can feel the mud in me                                                               ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­                  
It's something I can't hide,                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                        
it's what I live & breathe                                                          ­                              
                                  ­                                                                 ­                 
Like black tar bubbling,                                                        ­                        
                                                                ­                                                        
on a sunny August
day.                                                             ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­           
   causing pain so
troubling,                                                       ­                               
                                                                ­                                                      
I'm trying to pray it
away                                                             ­                                 
                                                                 ­                                                     
It threatens to show itself                                                           ­                           
                                                                ­                                              
surface & then expose                                                           ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­            
who I am to myself                                                           ­                                   
                                                                ­                                                   
  and to everyone I
know                                                             ­                         
                                                                ­                                    
  Unattractive & ugly,                                                            ­                                            
                    ­                                                                 ­                                
it's going to win in the
end                                                              ­                  
                                              ­                                                                 ­      
 It promises my
suffering,                                                       ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­        
eating me from within                                                           ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­            
I try to ignore it's gnawing,                                                         ­               
                                                                ­                                                  
the scratching sounds it
makes                                                            ­            
                                                                ­                                                      
I can feel it slowly crawling                                                         ­                       
                                         ­                                                                 ­    
filling up any empty space                                                            ­                    
                                            ­                                                                 ­         
I know it wants me
weary,                                                           ­                           
                                     ­                                                                 ­              
so, it can take full control                                                          ­                  
                                                                ­                                                      
I can feel that it
clearly                                                          ­                          
                                                                ­                                                  
has begun to take hold                                                             ­                           
                                                                ­                                          
Fogging up a once clear brain,                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                                                           
    it is trying to drive me insane                                                           ­                                                   
                                                                ­                                                
This depression, knows my name,                                                            ­
                                                                ­                                                    
it's aware that not much strength remains

On the other side of the fence,                                                                    ­                                                      
                                                                ­                                                      
a wild yellow flower grows,                                                           ­     
                                                           ­                                                             
sweet smelling so
intense,                                                         ­                                       
                                                                ­                                                          
It takes first place in show                                                             ­               
                                                 ­                                                                 ­  
   If only I could reach it
                                                              ­                                                      
    I'd take it just for me                                                               ­   
                                                             ­                                                         
Go home & showcase
it                                                               ­                                                                                       ­                                                   
  and all its fragile
beauty                                                           ­                             
                                   ­                                                                 ­              
Yet it is out of my reach                                                            ­                      
                                          ­                                                                 ­     
Like a star up in the sky,                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­        
   a rare shell on a forbidden beach                                                            ­                                                                 ­          
 I will stretch & I'll still try                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                        
Straining past the fence
post,                                                            ­              
                                                                ­                                        
touching it with fingertips                                                       ­                     
                                           ­                                                                 ­          
  I realize what I need
most,                                                            ­                        
                                                                ­                                                      
is just to stop admire it

Another morning that I wake up depressed,                                                       ­         
                                                                ­                                                        
it's painful to see that you're not home yet                                                              ­  
                                                              ­                                                        
As my heart beats hard inside my chest,                                                                                                                         ­                                                      
     it breaks from your constant disrespect
                                                                 ­                                           
                                                                ­                                                  
Leaving my mind to play the blame game,                                        
                                                                ­                                                     
    what did I do, what is this one's
   name?                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                              
You've broken every vow you've ever made                                                             ­   
                                                                ­                                                     
 and every time you did, I   always
  forgave                                                       ­     
                                                                ­                                              
  When & if you ever decide to
arrive                                                           ­     
                                                                ­                                                  
  still drunk from the night & probably
high                                                  
          ­                                                                 ­                                   
You'll tell me all my nagging caused
this,                                                          
 ­                                                                 ­                                            
point your finger & call me a
*****                                                            ­  
                                                                ­                                                    
   I'll bottle all that pain up deep
inside                                                           ­   
                                                                ­                                                  
  but my tears are harder for me to
hide                                                      
      ­                                                                 ­                                           
   My heart can't take another
hit                                                              ­      
                                                                ­                                                      
   I know I deserve better than
this                                                             ­                   
                                             ­                                                                 ­      
   As you sleep soundly till five or
six,                                                             ­   
                                                             ­                                                           
  I'll pack up myself & then the
kids                                                             ­ 
                                                                ­                                                  
  You have nothing that I want to receive,                                                         ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­                 
tomorrow it will be you waiting for me

Everyone's breaking off their pieces,                                                          ­                                                                 ­                                                                 ­      
                                                                ­                                              
  leaving me broken & so empty                                                            ­            
                                                    ­                                                                 ­   
As long as they fulfill their needs                                                            ­        
                                                        ­                                                                
in the end who cares who bleeds?                                                          ­                  
                                              ­                                                                
­Tugging on the scraps of what's left                                                             ­                                 
                               ­                                                                 ­                
pulling at the heart in my chest                                                            ­              
                                                  ­                                                              
They get their fill they leave the rest                                                        
                                                                ­                                                
finally feeling sated, I clean up their mess                                                          
  ­                                                                 ­                                                   
I thought that what I gave to them                                                             ­           
                                                     ­                                                       
would be returned to me in the end                                                              ­                      
                                                                ­                                          
Leaving me sick with my confusion                                                        ­            
                                                                ­                                                    
all I am is & disillusioned                                                    ­                              
                                                                ­                                              
Never give your love away
 you may need it yourself, someday