It’s a lovely day!! there's no weaves of emotion, I don’t see any darkish clouds over my head. My head has end up so mild weighted. No track, no piece of poetry nor anybody’s emotional abuse no longer creates pain inside me. flowers growing all around my heart. I smile surprisingly, despite the fact that I try to experience anxiety, I don’t feel anything but tranquility. as if i was in a roller coaster on a carnival full of chaos and now the whole thing has stopped. Then i found myself in the middle of that carnival, without any chaos! an deserted region. no one lives here anymore. Oh yes! I don’t see dark clouds as it’s all darkish around! I smile but I don’t feel happiness and the flowers growing around my heart!! Foxgloves growing inside me. you realize the symptoms?
………….death !

How beautiful the station was ,
When you used to arrive after the summer .

So far away from home
left in the rushing waves and pain
In the pouring rain all alone

Well, the years went by like a train goes by
in a melancholy song.
And our love ran dry like a well runs dry
or a flame that's been burning too long.

Where does the train go?
Where do the tracks end?
Everyday the train comes
Only to pass by me again

Your uncertainty of coming back ,
Made me wait a little longer everytime.
I will wait always wait a little longer ~

With every tale of a past adventure, you told me how you’re going to leave me in the future.

Everytime i feel the urge to commit suicide ,
I try to feel  how a dead person is to us when he/she comits suicide.

When someone comits suicide
That person become a dead body to us within hours, just a cold insensible body and faded memory in days .
Time fly's like wind in a hurricane .

Try to think this from the point of that person who want to commit suicide .
How lazy and slow his days are ... Passing every hour for him is like slicing own arm that is pinned beneath an 800 pounds boulder !!
No numbing medicine .  unimaginable pain

Not everyone is "Aron Ralston"  
But everyone should posses his courage.
You can't live in your mind and expect you'll be saved .
Reality requires emotional resilience .
And pain demands to be felt .
You can endure all things by grace. !!!

I just realised ,
Never express your feelings .
I just realised ,
Feelings will forever be misunderstood .

The most depressed people ,
Hide it the best !
I kid you not .
They'll talk about their darkness in the most humorous way possible .
Everyone has different stories yet people make comparison with one another .
All pain is individually valid !
Those who say share your pain are the ones who turns their backs .
Fighting every second just to feel something ,
and another moment never want to feel anything ever again !
Depressed people fake smiles , because they don't want to be burden .
They take responsibility to take care of others even though they feel unimaginable pain .
The most empath people are the most left out people.
Sometime they just need someone to tell them how proud they feel for being strong all the time .
Depression doesn't look the same to everyone .
Some wear it like trash , some wear it like grace .
The sad thing about depressed people is that often their desire to heal others is a disguised cry for help for their own healing .
They fail to understand 3 am in the morning is not a time to sort out life .
There is no going back from depression , it makes people something completely different from what they were before .
Depression deaden you brain to the things it used to know how to do .
Those people aren't good at asking for help , because they're so used to being the helper .

Loving you is like burning with desire every second ,
Unable to utter anything .
Your love is so strong yet so quiet .
You can never get over me i know .
We are destined to lead a different life .
And maybe we're destined to feel our love was impossible over and over again .
We both crave each other , but
Refuse to fight for each other .
A love never lived ,
Nor it will die !