I am a freak, that’s what I am. That’s all I am and all I’ll ever be. (I have to embrace it)
Haven’t you been told so? Haven’t you been warned?? Huh???
A rebel from birth. A mental, emotional and spiritual abomination, I pray upon my physical appearance.
Whilst making my image rot from the inside out and from the outside in.

I’m going through phases of my own. I have dark times myself too. Very DARK.
I hate the very sight of this world. I have taken on monsters at times and they've beat me. This time for good.
I can’t take this anymore. I can’t go through this another day, another hour, another minute, another second.
It seems that all I ever do is done in vain. Nothing’s really going to change. Nothing will ever get better.

I’ll end up getting killed by my own stubbornness. By my own rebellious stance and natural lack of self-control.
They say free will does not exist and I agree. We are human-machines in a mechanical universe.
Our fate has been decided. Long time ago. By gods who were unjust. Disgusting. Immoral
How do you expect me to be perfect in a world who has only showed me its ugly face?

Wandering through life without any purpose. Without any kind of cause. Without a calling of some sort.
How am I supposed to rise among the world of men and women and win against them? Like this? Weak?? Defeatist mindset on the go???
I’m so sick of people at the same time. I want to **** everybody. I detest every living being and life itself.
I hate to go on living. I just have to accept that my life will carry on being a shitstorm, like this from now and on.

Who the **** made me like this?? Who messed me up so badly?? Who did it??? ****! (Crying)
Somebody ****** me up real good! Some people ****** me up for life! I want to find out.
And the best revenge would be for them to be annihilated! For life! Yeah! That would be good!
Stupid imbeciles. I hate you. They time will come for when I’m going to rise from this restorative sleep of mine and then you’ll see for yourself. Who the **** am I!

Will this fight ever stop man? I’m tired of going against the grain. Swimming against the river.
Tell me, Oh wise man, what have you learned from life? Is it worth the effort? The pain? The tears??
I don’t know if I’ll ever win this game. Again I don’t know where I’m going or what I want out from all of this? Where do I stand in all of this madness???
Maybe I just need to let all hell to break loose and let go of inhibitions and rules. To imbue my body and actions with the eternal magic, of my darkest self.

I know I must pretend again. Just one more time.
I ought to show you indifference. Even though you were the first to admit that..
That I’m nothing to you. Just a piece of charcoal among burned trees.
A nothing. A nobody. A foreigner.

The world is rough enough, I can’t take it no more.
I’m not that tough you know, I guess I never was to be honest.
My soul is weak to the point of me being overwhelmed by agony.
My future’s bleak, the same as it was back in my childhood days or so I’d like to say.

So scarred am I by life by life events. I cannot even count how many there really were.
But I don’t want to complain. Even the best of soldiers have the ugliest of scars.
Wounded by swords. Wounded by arrows. Wounded by love. That’s the battlefield of today.
Those are the things you have to go through is order to survive. In order to “go on living.”

I fight alone. I fight my own battles. I fight my own wars.
To save my own. Meaning, my memories and my emotions.
I lost my breath today while fighting. That has never happened to me again.
Gosh I’m as scared of death, to death and by death, for as long as I can remember.

To God I speak loudly and clear but it seems to me that..
He’s deaf indeed, I cannot even hear his voice. Maybe it’s too late for me to believe.
True love I seek but will I ever find true love? I don’t think so..
A lover’s plead to the stars, that’s what every beat of my heart is really whispering.

I don’t know what the world is asking from me, I really don’t.
Sometimes I just wish to be left fully alone. I have nothing more to give.
I don’t know if all I want is to want or to not want. But isn’t that a desire in itself?
Will I live forever??? Please say to me that I get to live forever.

Many times when people get to find who you really are, they..
They tend to run away from you as fast as they can, maybe..
Maybe it’s vanity to desire perfection and to strive for ideals.
Maybe all that you really need to do is to just, to just, to simply…LIVE.

Only open your heart to someone who really cares,
And for sure don’t give your heart “just like that” to strangers..
They will use it and abuse it just like the rest of the world will.
Without caring, without any compassion, without any remorse

You are not the only person to be alive you know
(I guess that is my antidote, my cure for selfishness)
You are not the only one who has a right to experience things.
(I know) Yeah but you don’t seem to change your mindset/behavior at all.

It seems to me as though sometimes the whole of reality is just like a big movie
Everybody is playing their role. Unaware that they themselves, are being played too
Forever ****** to want to be somebody else. Denying themselves.
Don’t you see that sometimes too? I mean the movie part of it all?

(Now, tell me, just tell me, what is the secret to living a long, happy and fulfilling life?)
To not care about what others think but to trust them with your life without any second thought.
You see, that was a contradiction because I always tend to speak that way.
I’m elusive, I’m opposed to myself but also united. Fragmented and whole. I am the all-encompassing, ever eternal, [BROKEN & glued again] mirror of life!

I don’t know what the truth is. I guess the only thing that’s true is..
Searching for truth. That is the only “true” path of life. I believe so that it is at least.
And you? What’s your Truth? What’s the truth that you are after? Huh?
Money? Fame? ***? Love? Companionship? God? Or the smell of the essences of the very deep recesses of your own mind’s unconsciousness?

I don’t know if I was always like this.. A deep thinker.
Pondering about mine and other people’s existence for far more than it is “necessary”.
Stretching thought to its very own limits. Letting, leading, and teaching my mind into taking more than it can “actually” take.
I think that’s is my mission here. To find, realize and then express to people, the finer truths of this world. And to rid them. Of their mystery.

That – I believe- is the only thing that matters. Unite the contradictions in yourselves.
And maybe, maybe you will only find that NONE of them, really existed at all.
It’s been my life’s work to try and find words to express the inexpressible.
Attaining the unattainable. Realizing the un-realizable. Touching upon the very elusive “thing-ness” of this world. And yet still up to today, it escapes me.

I was using my feelings all along
Emotional by nature
A helpless hopeless romantic

You were using logic and reason
Rational by choice
A soldier trained to always be strict and to never feel.
The exact opposite of me.

My heart hates you so much my beloved.
Yet the whole of my soul still needs you terribly.
We are so ******* far apart, ******* it.
Your love is taking such a toll on me.

I’d kiss you to death if I only had the chance to do so,
I’d made love to you until you wouldn’t want to anymore
I’d hug you until you couldn’t breathe even if you chose to do so
I’d make you miss me so much that you couldn’t stand it.

I chase our memories until exhaustion every day,
Needless to say it seems impossible to take you out of my mind.
Your touch has been lodged so deep inside of me.
It seems so uncanny that I can’t separate you from myself.

Whenever I try to move on and build my life again.
You just seem to magically appear in front of me all of a sudden,
Destroying at once any sort of hope of me finding love again.
Leaving me alone to wonder in the corridors of my own mind.

I’d die for you a hundred deaths and I’d fight and win for you a thousand battles.
I’d make a deal with the devil only to deceive him at the end
I would sell my soul to him to just get a moment of eternity with you even in hell (it would seem like heaven)
Even though you wouldn’t go out with me for coffee, tea or for a meal.

I know that I’m only gaining your pity from all of this indeed.
Maybe I’m not worthy of your love or even your attention.
What pains me so much is that you won’t even hate me for God’s sake.
So that much I’m indifferent to you after all that we’ve been through? After all of this??

It is my destiny to go through a love like this.
Doomed and ****** forever to never to be with the one I truly want
I just hope one day that you change your mind before it’s too late
So you can come and save me from death with a kiss of yours

I just ******* miss you I freaking miss us so much…****!..
I have no other choice other than to wait for you my beloved
Even if it takes me an eternity I will wait for you my red colored, egg shaped, thorn covered rose.
I‘ll wait for you, until the ashes of what used to be my brain and heart once, disappear, forever lost into oblivion.

For simply
I have no
Other
Choice.

All that I feel is lots of sorrow,
all I that I want is just to sleep.
And in nostalgia I wallow,
and so my inner voice is strict.

The days go by but feel like years,
the torture's slow and has no end.
And from the depths I bring those fears,
that you 'll be gone and I won't mend.

I'm trying so hard not to cry,
but empty I feel as though I'm dead.
I ask a thousand times "why?",
but all I hear is tears being shed.

Help me to find again my spark
help me in seeing the good in evil.
Don't want no more to be in the dark
assist me in my soul's retrieval.