You are
              so nice
    To listen to me without judgment.
To   accept   the   words   I   feed   you   when   you   ask.
You want my stories.
You ask for the bright ones, but there are none
                    Left.
So I give you
                dark ones instead.
And those you swallow down
      with your
drinks in the fitting darkness of night.
You let them dissolve away, amortised with the alcohol in your blood,
Forgotten in the morning,
And I wonder
                                        what it’s like
To love someone who
                 Doesn’t
                    Truly
                        Know
         ­                  You.

I’ve been a patient of pain far too long
And though pain has no home for me any longer
I’ve found that I just don’t know how to fully let go
Of all our memories
And moments
Of all the late night sessions of crying
It had me in
Of all the victories I claimed for embracing it
Bracing through the night with it
Of all the art we created
My longest term relationship
The most toxic person I dated
Probably heard I love you less
Than I hate it...
Though I can’t really hate it
Look at how far we made it
I promised myself when I got free from you
I wouldn’t look back
I wouldn’t even think about you
But here I am one last time
Dedicating a page to you
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to have a reason to heal
without you
How am I supposed to ever feel like I don’t need you
How am I supposed to create without you
How am I supposed to relate to other hurt people without you
What do I have left to say without you ...
How am I supposed to cry without you
How am I gone die without you ????

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

will you forgive me
for all the terrible things i've said
for all of the mistakes i have yet to correct
for all the times i thought i wasn't good enough
for every tear that has fallen for someone that has not deserved it
for every time i wrote a poem and didn't tell the whole truth
for every opportunity i've said no to
for every time i didn't respect myself as much as i should have
for every person i have disappointed

i will.

i will forgive myself
for all the terrible things i've said
for all of the mistakes i have yet to correct
for all the times i thought i wasn't good enough
i will forgive myself
for every tear that has fallen for someone that has not deserved it
for every time i wrote a poem and didn't tell the whole truth
for every opportunity i've said no to
for every time i didn't respect myself as much as i should have
for every person i have disappointed
i will forgive myself
and
i will forgive myself for ever even thinking that i would not

Almost
found a hope that prevails
reaching for me under a starlit tent
Almost
built a boat that sails
across all oceans as they bend
Almost
filled my book with tales
an anthology of moments I didn't attend

Almost
what a terrible word
holding such a stinging truth
Almost
felt like it's all worth the hurt
while wasting years of restless youth
Almost
called out and haven't been unheard
found something I couldn't lose


Almost
thought any path would get me there
where wholesomeness is not just hearsay
Almost
kept a fire in sight that brought me to where
I would find the light of day
Almost
made them proud of me, made them care
made them listen to what I had to say

And now
from where I stand
a lyrical sadness
paper in my hand
I know this is true
                                                            ­             I can almost see you

Our worth is granted to us
By the sum of our lovers,
By how many times we have craved
Or been craved,
By how much our skin longs
For another’s touch.

We are taught to withhold,
And to not take for granted
The immense altruism of company.
Where do we belong
If not in the arms of another?

How dare we for a minute
Accept our own love as enough.
How dare we seek comfort
In our own searching minds.
How dare we think of ourselves as anything other
Than a half in search of the whole.