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i still
do not know
the poem i've been trying to write
and maybe
that's because
i haven't been
writing one at all
or maybe it's because
the poem i've been trying to write
is not ready for paper
and maybe
i'm the paper
that's not ready for it
"i miss your writing"
she said to me
"i know"
i thought

i miss it too
i know how much meaning you attach to things
because that's the same amount of meaning that i attach to you

so i'm sorry if i seemed harsh
when i told you to buy a new book

i only said it because i know how much you love to read
or maybe i said it
because i know how much you loved her

and i told you to buy a new book
because i do know how much meaning you attach to things
and it's one of my favorite things about you

but i haven't seen you hurt like this in a while
so maybe that is why i think that you deserve something new

and i don't want you to think that i'm telling you
to stop attaching meaning to things in your life
because that's the opposite of what i'm telling you to do

i just i don't want you to miss out on any more opportunities to see how amazing you are
because too many people in your life have missed out on that

but just this once
i want you to attach meaning to yourself
helloitsyellow Dec 2018
mom and dad,
maybe I was silly
for thinking that the seven-hour car ride could replace the tearful goodbye
and I should have known
that the goodbye doesn’t always have to be filled with tears to hurt
because for someone that cries a lot
my face stayed rather dry
and maybe that’s why it feels like I’m saying goodbye everyday
and I grew up in a household where we weren’t allowed to say we were bored
because there is always something to do
but mom and dad
when I say I’m bored
I don’t want you to take that word to bed with you
I don’t want you to look for the deeper meaning and feel lost
because that word does not mean I’m sad
because I will tell you if I’m sad
It does not mean I’m anxious
because i am already anxious
when I say that I’m bored
It doesn’t mean I’m bored of you, mom and dad.
because I could never get bored
of the tea drinking, book reading and lazy Sundays we have
so, when I say I’m bored
what I really mean is thank you
thank you for creating me into someone who isn’t afraid to leave
someone who isn’t afraid to explore
thank you for creating a home for me to come back to when I need a break from exploring
and when I say I’m bored
It means that I’ve found so much life out there that is worth living
It means I’ve found purpose in ripped notebook papers and used books
and I’ve found purpose in myself
mom and dad, When I say I’m bored
It means that I still need all of this life you have built for me
but it also means that I now know how to survive without it
and I still know
that I shouldn’t say I’m bored
because there is always something to do
thank you
for giving me a whole life of things to do
i’ll never be bored of you, mom and dad
helloitsyellow Dec 2018
and
all that **** about
distance making the heart grow fonder
it kind of makes me want to scream
because what makes my heart grow fonder
is you
authentic
in person
incredible
you
and when i can't be with you
it hurts a type of hurt that i have not yet felt before
it's a hurt that makes me feel silly
because i should just be lucky that i can have you at all
but my heart wants to go to battle with the distance first
and i know that i should just let it
because i know that in the end
my heart will always
beat the distance
helloitsyellow Dec 2018
you have so much to offer this world
i could see if from the moment we first met
i think
if you could just give the world an opportunity
to hold you
to love you
to support you
you would be surprised with how much love surrounds you
own who you are
and others will follow suit.
helloitsyellow Dec 2018
when i thought i knew
what was best for myself

when in-fact

what i knew
was the worst.
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