We're halfway between
two different worlds
caught up amongst the chaos
of all the colours
fighting against the dark side
of cigarettes at the back
of the bars we shouldn't be in
glasses of gin or something
more like liquid guilt

He told me he loved me
on a Tuesday night
sometime in summer

Straight after work
heels kicked off
a ball on the sofa

He told me he loved me
and I felt light
like running

My heart is a stone
heavy
unmoving

It doesn't care for
pretty blue eyes
or his pretty little lies

I feel waves of rage
anger that I can't place
it consumes me
bubbles in soda cups
fizzling out
slowing

It's odd how much people change
old friends from childhood
feel like strangers
and you wonder
whatever happened to them

I have changed too
detached from myself in a way
it's almost uncomfortable
not feeling like me
like a dreamscape
it is almost somewhere safe

It's a funny feeling
not wanting to exist
it's overpowering
suffocating
but I feel it

Laying still at midnight
wishing away time
for it all to stop
the anxiety
the constant drowning

What a waste of sunlight
what a strange way to be

I keep you in my back pocket
for lonely Sunday evenings
or Tuesdays when he doesn't come home
when he's busy with something else
someone else

You hate me for it
and I hate me too
for calling when I shouldn't
for needing you
when I really shouldn't

We're painfully predictable
don't you think?
half a decade
plus some change
of this same insane
almost love story

We make plans we won't keep
the house by the sea
just simple nights on the sofa
or star gazing somewhere
we're just so tired
and it's been so long
we're all talk
we always have been

We fight about nothing
on the quiet days
just to fill the gaps
and as an excuse to make up
but still there's so much
radio silence
screaming
pining
lust

love