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sp1nning
fluctuat1ng
all around me

the 1mages never stay the same
as soon as 1 think 1 see 1t
1t changes
a small shift
throwing my percept1on 1nto a d1zzying dance

c1rcular room
m1rrors enfolding me
1n a reflect1ve embrace

1 see myself
warped
1n a million d1fferent places
a superf1c1al 1mage of me

the embrace of the m1rrors
turns strangling
constr1cting snapshots of my face

gasp1ng
chok1ng
for air

but relief does not come

1 am encased in a million different vers1ons of myself
who am 1
I wrote a poem when I died...
Another at my birth.
A brand-new sonnet when I cried.
And again when there was mirth.

A song for my confession...
A story for my pain...
A painting for depression...
And nursery rhymes for rain.

My creations live inside my heart.
I keep them there in shame.
Yet you looked around and saw my art,
And smiled all the same.
Looking out from my house...
I see you and your beautiful spouse...
Holding hands with love and care...
Takes me back with memories which have become rare...
I feel happy as the sight has refreshed the moments I once had...
If it wasn't for that dreadful moment, he would still be here but it's just my bad...
Going down with tears and flashes of time spent...
I guess now it's just me and my lonely repent...
I wished to live the moments again...
But time has passed leaving nothing to gain...
Looking at people surely tears me in pieces...
O God, grant me courage till it all eases...


©sim
Fictional. Just few thoughts.
Rock my ruin pillars
As they might flutter to fly,
To your barren heart.
Aching with the aging pain
I am broken, from the start


©sim
Tanka
Syllables count 5-7-5-7-7
I have been away for too long
In a solitude, burried with remorse
For I've lost a very close loved one
And the situation got worse

I prayed to be taken away
For my life to end
As soon as possible
Coz nothing much was left to mend

Tears rolled down my cheeks
To stop the negative thoughts
Got taken back many times
To untie the invisible knots

Voices got into my ears
That ached to explode my temple
Closing my eyes eveytime
A picture painted, to resemble

It's you, O'mum...that I can't get over with
Life seems, more like a lego
Feelings that can't be put into words
Every bit pierces through the core

Your smile, your beauty, your essence
Has all been captured by this heart
Now, in troubled weak times
Another scene peeps as an art

How will I ever, comfort myself
That now I am all alone
None that are left by my side
All have fallen and gone

May your soul rest in peace
Exactly, a month today
Missing you heaps in this crowded shell
Hope to meet you, someday...


©sim
Voices from my weak heart.
Love's ideas, two becoming one
two halves of a whole
what if one's not in it all the way
not like the love of olden days but transient

latched on like a love dart
an antibody flooding in an antigen
placing its little locks with its little keys
closer than two genders - a swell

August 2017 brings the apartment together
but hubris and October 2018 tears it down
if there's one hole in the puzzle
it will tear us down with its incompleteness

don't love me like a girl; don't call me one
when that ghost sits at our banquet
rips the swell apart leaving
nothing but blood and dregs of love's dark wine

all over the floor
I want to talk
But Only in thought
I want to be there
But no where near

I want to see
But not all that I should
I want to feel
But not right now

I want to give
But hide it away
I want to receive
But say no each time

I want to be free
But pass you cuffs
I want live
But live to want

Written by E.  M. Rushton
August 7th 2018
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