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 Mar 2018 Marty
r
For a long time
I've been dreaming
of being the younger me
my heart leaning
into those dangerous places
like the wheels on a road grader

Nights to remember
seeing big lips in the moon
blowing its black and bad sax

Dreams of night sweats
and my lost loves
dancing in the fields
where the moon, a white cow
goes to chew her cudd

Dreams deep in other cities
and towns where photographs
all signed love are slipping
out of the frames of many mirrors

Dreams of an old soured pillow
waiting for its case to be called
shanghaied by the cold sea
a long ways from the mountains
where I once found young love

Dreams of a storm coming
still many miles away
hearing the wind in the trees

The thunder wakes me
like a backfire on a moonshine
run with two trembling fingers
finding me riding shotgun.
 Mar 2018 Marty
Ugo Victor
I can't sleep
Everytime I remember your words
They snap and recoil
And hurt me awake
Next time when someone
Promises me forever
I'll just smile
Look them in the eyes and ask
How long is forever to you.
 Mar 2018 Marty
DT
In the ice
 Mar 2018 Marty
DT
i lay beneath the ice
my hands graze the top of the ice inches away from the surface
and i reach for a place to grab and steady myself but the slippery ice wont allow my hands to stay steady
i pound on the ice gulping water with every effort to escape
i scream hoping the sounds of my voice would free me from the cold but the ice is too thick
i scratch and kick at the ice and every time i think im getting somewhere i realize im sinking further and further away from the surface
the screams in my throat become bubbles in my chest
an image of depression. falling backwards
 Mar 2018 Marty
DT
Broken brain
 Mar 2018 Marty
DT
When you have a broken brain?
The cracks in my brain keep tripping me up.
I keep falling through them.
I jump over the cracks
And right when I think I've mastered the pattern and learn to jump over them at the right time or run at the right angle to successfully leap
I trip again and fall
I fall in slow motion
The world I know, the people, the sounds
become a dandelion in the wind, every little piece breaks apart
Floating from me
I search for some place to hold onto as I fall further and further from what I know
But my hands are tied and my eyes are closed
I pray, I pray, I pray
But when it comes down to it, I'm just talking to myself
 Mar 2018 Marty
DT
Let me get one thing clear; I don't cut myself for attention.
I cut myself to release all the unspoken words that float around my head like torn up pieces of psalms in the wind
the blade is my psalm
It is the scripture I imprint on my skin
Every drop of blood is a prayer
A prayer that one day I won't find the color red, the color of my life, to be the only color that sticks around
The color I find in my sink and on my skin
It is my religion
I talk to God but he doesn't talk
The blade talks
Talks when I cant stand to look in the mirror
It talks when I stand alone in a room full of people
It talks when I can't think about anything other than my next high
It talks when I can't get out of bed on the weekends when everyone else around me can't sit still
The blade is my religion
And if this is religion maybe God doesn't exist
I'm tired of society depicting self harm as a way to seek attention.
 Mar 2018 Marty
Danielle
In and Out
 Mar 2018 Marty
Danielle
In.......out…….in…….out
My lungs scream at me,
While my mind races thoughts in ever faster laps.
The winner undecided as flames begin to lick the outside of the car.
The waterworks fall.
In.......out…….in…….out
Is now a wailing siren
Wailing sirens,
With lights exploding behind my eyes.
I try to pull the car over, but that steering wheel is stuck in the drive position
In.......out…….in…….out
The noise is too loud and this hallways too crowded,
But I can’t go back to that peaceful pond.
Because, Lord help me, I’m afraid I’ll drown.
Currently dealing with some unexpected anxiety in my life and it needed to be written about.
 Mar 2018 Marty
DT
I'm scrambling trying to find the pieces
And I would like to say a few things
1)  I'm sorry
I start to see the fear of what made me
What made me will break me
I carry this familiarity like a knife to my skin
And I'm scrambling to fill the bleeding holes with the very things that Caused them to bleed
I am thoroughly convinced I could destroy an entire city with my hands
Which brings me to point two
2) Don't take it personally if I stay three steps away when you come close
I'm a ticking tomb in a building that starts to burn when I crumble
My mind is the building
Every story
Every window
A part of the person I used to be
3) I don't want to die
I still can't figure out if the building is the people I love
Or if it's myself
But It  burns just the same
I don't want to die
 Mar 2018 Marty
Brendan Roher
A true friend, through the eyes of me
And as others may not see, he had his own way with me
Inspired my hand to glide and glee
Far away from me
Like no one else had seen;
On depressed days, he’d comfort me
Belittled by the daytime, he’d come at night, eyes drifting on their own, shining for me
I wavered in his eyesight,
Green and meticulous-
Got caught up in his self-assured might
Amorously, I’d wonder about him
In my nightly dreams;
Eyes craving a man of greater curve, slightly more assured
But I’d find none, after days of pondering
I’d wonder how he came to me
Why he left me so, hanging;
And it’s true- that’s how I found him too, oddly
On that one forest tree
The day I said it was the last he’d ever see of me
 Mar 2018 Marty
Cinzia
No chance to sit and write poems
the day soldiers on
a million little nothings
occupy my time
if it's not the bills it's the dishes
a prayer on my knees
to the ***** floor
what god is this who rests
in the ruins?

I juggle, no, not a metaphor
I juggle 3 rubber *****
red, blue, yellow, primary colors
focus my mind
one can't juggle with a head full of detritus
I'm a joke, a clown
the tear painted under my eye
a mockery of myself
drop the ***** and start singing
I'm an angel
my voice a jewel
cutting through the emptiness
 Mar 2018 Marty
sunflower
I'd like to be alone,
but I don't want to be lonely.

I'd like to be in hope,
but I don't want to be hopeless.

I'd like to be in love,
but I don't want to be broken.

I'd like to be sad,
but I don't want to be weak.
For when I'd like to be 'me', but I don't want to be 'her'.

ㅡn.s
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