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for Sally, Bex and Tonya, Denel and my beloved

<>

gods do not seek forgiveness,
or comprehension,
desertion, desecration, ascension
or condemning condescension

but how how they crave
just a good conversation,
to get a word in edgewise,
a nice chat,
entrée à, la tête-à-tête,
entre deux, deluxe-amis

a casually talking,
absent of
words of need and beseech,
reason and causality,
and no I or We pronouns,
sans enunciations and annunciations,
false hopes for incarnations, incantations,
set asides for life's grievous aches
all human requests, and some of God's commandments
for now, set aside,
annulled

just a talk,
some repartee,
but mostly an open ear lent,
an early morn quiet listen
over tea (he/she) and coffee (me),
paying attention to
both sides of an interactive story

as recompense for my willingness to be,
his engaged counter party,
my mourning gloomier cloudiness,
quick exchanged for instant,
rising sunshine warming glorious

my vista
of a bay dancing
to Tchaikovsky Swan Lake ballet music,
deftly inserted between
an Agnus Dei and an Ave Maria

mood music he said,
and we chuckled,
he/she was god and orchestrated
my tastes,
Adele et Dudamel,
comprehending my undesirable apprehension,
by granting my needy wish for
poetic inspirational composition contentment

all exchanged,
for just a good listen,
no judgements, in either direction

I am the god of love,
the one who makes you weep,
when you study your beloved's rising chest,
each uplifted breast heaving,
a confirmation blessing,
that her life is present
for at least the next second,
ready for your magi adoration

be not fearful,
this day we talk only,
as I pass by,
I have no business to conduct,
on your island of sheltering redoubt,
but to engage and unburden
for even gods
are required to confess,
and aging godheads do adore
a human shoulder
upon to rest,
a great invention,
(If I may say so myself)
and to whom better to address
than my only love poetry
poète personnelle

here he off-guards me
with a favorite injection,
Samuel Barber's Adagio for Strings,
music so sweet that it never fails
to weaken my knees,
sweeping my eyes unto weeping
priming me with this first coat of
sounds so elementary soothing

he half-bows before me and says,


forgive me human, for I have sinned

in Dallas and Nice,
just this past week,
with forays here and there,
doing god's work

read your bitterness and struggle,
anger and forgiveness all in one crust,
furious curses and wails so plaintive,
my heavenly musicians weep from jealousy,
at the cries emanating from the fired fury song
of human hearts torn and love plundered

I am the god of love

and

the god of pain and all that is the

anti-love

(and to make me better understand,  
Schindler's List score, so sweetly,
he plays for me,
to clarify the atmosphere,
that death and love -
and the courage of understanding,
so oft go hand in hand)

write me a love poem for me,
no hymn or sonnet do I require,
for love is essence of forgive,
there is no perfect union,
that cannot stand,
with out this emotion of
conciliatory intermediation

tell me you understand
that the scales
of bereft befallen,
disparate chance interrupting randomized,
must periodic perforce
sometimes weigh more,
than the good of simple

balance tip that creative god spark within,
of which you write,
away from my bloodied, unsightly hand

write me one more love poem
a frisson semi-sweet and cleanly neat,
of good things sad,
but worthy of remembrance

you are not the first for this bequest to receive,
other poet's before and after,
will Jacob-wrestle with my angels,
battling to find the...

no matter

"my love to thee is sound sans crack or flaw"^

let your love poem
to me
be of whole healing,
for these disarrayed feelings
cannot forever persist,
the perfect balance you desire
is not on your Earth existent,
unobtainable

these cracks and flaws must and will come


and yet

love poems
will be our common language

and then he/she left,
leaving this poem behind,
born from my mind, yet,
carved on my skin,
written with the nib of my rib,
sealed and signed,
future undefined,
but dated upon my
cleansed hand's lifeline,
hand held outstretched
as if to say


“and yet"
^ "my love to thee is sound sans crack or flaw".
William Shakespeare

Sunday, July 17th 2016
8:42am
Anno ab incarnatione Domini
Why bother
   If there's no reason to continue
Why bother
   When everything isn't as it seems
Why bother
   If she has already said no
Why bother
   When nothing has gone your way
Why bother
   If no matter what this is how it is
Why bother
   When everything crumbles
Why bother
   If you follow your heart
Why bother
   When you can't help it
Why bother
   If you fall in love
Why bother
   When it's already been done
Why bother
   With these thoughts
Because
   They were always in my head
I bothered
   Myself because they felt right
Who does he think he is
Exposing my fear
A fear I didn't know I had
To be alone
Yet deeply in love
I hate how talking to you
Brought it out
Being with you
Leaks out the fear
I don't want to lose you
You tell me I won't
I believe you
Because I love you
I really love you
Don't let my fear come true
Living without you
And still in love with you
If you are honest,
You'll say the same as them all
That you never knew
The world was so big a place
With so much sadness.
Love
Profound feeling for another
A caring, trying thing
Love is patient, love is kind
No
Love is wanting what is not mine

Love is giving and getting less
Love is never a second guess
To love is to give another all of you
It is holding nothing back

Love
Love is a feeling you gain and you try to never lose
You keep love
You keep it and you lock it somewhere safe
And then you swallow the ******* key
 Oct 2017 Adeline Coats
Ash Love
Do you ever really move on
From your first

I still get that feeling
In this huge city

Will I see him?
Will he see me?

No one has done better
with making me Love Sick

I thought I could play like you
I thought I was playing WITH you

I was just playing along
With my own Love Sick song
I am sad.
Not in a depressed way. Not ill.
Just sad.

I've been sad a while. I've been sad for different things.
Mostly, I've been sad because I'm feeling empty.

That somedays, I just don't understand what am I doing here.
That somedays I just look into the mirror and I don't find the strength to cope with another day.
I am not suicidal, even though I think about it a lot.
Who would miss me? Who would even notice.
Am I really important?
Am I?

Is it worth it? Well yeah. I know it is.
Can I make it? Of course I can!

But I just can't find motivation?

I've been feeling sad because I'm feeling empty. Because I'm seeing all the things I once loved drift away. Because I'm almost 18 and I haven't done anything i have proposed myself.

I'm feeling empty because years keep on going by, and things keep on changing, and people keep on growing,

and I don't.

And you know I just can't cope with it anymore.
Because it's frustrating and it makes me anxious and I just can't find the will to change.

And I'm just feeling sad, because even the happiest moments seem to get blurred out by the fact that I am not going anywhere.

And I'm empty, and sad, and lonely.
Child of god,
Hypnotic to me
She smiles saying the rosary
She sings for god,
But she’ll sing for you,
Innocent,
God knows……
What she has been through,
She is very impulsive,
Maybe disturbed,
Out in all weather,
Preaching his word,
I pass her corner,
But I know it’s a test,
Each time she says….”thank you”,
She tells me I am….. ”blessed”,
And I am so busy,
With nothing to say,
No song,
No smile,
I fail everyday day
©B L Costello 2017
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