I am afraid that you are falling in love with the expectations you have of me

While you ignore the toxic version of me
The loud, broken, desperate version of me

You don’t really see me, you see job offers
a few kids, a wedding ring, new homes, new cars  
While you ignore my deep scars

I am afraid you are falling in love with who you want me to be

While ignoring the real me, the trauma suffering, addict struggling, broken soul, who is afraid to love

You are ignoring the angry man who needs therapy but decides it’s better to feed his anger and throw his emotions at the end of liquor bottles

The man who your mother warned you would break your heart.
I am a victim of my pain, but you ignore that because you see something within. You want me to be that perfect man of your dreams, that you forget to face your nightmares

You hide my scars, feed me compliments while preaching to me about your biological timeline, lying and telling me everything will turn out fine if I find a job that makes a lot of money, bought a new car, a new home with a picket fence, change my accent, dress and act a certain way   
Please don’t try to save me
Save your imagination for thinking it can transform me to meet your expectations

I am me and I am to be loved like me

Early morning birds chirping
Singing melody’s of peace
Looking out into the forest
I see beauty in your face
Africa has a smell that no one can erase
A smell that echos love into your soul  
Life so simple, life so inspiring and incredible
Don’t believe what the discovery channel told you about a land that existed before any other
Africa the mother of the earth
Birthing billions of souls
who left it but still live in it
It’s blood runs deep in our souls
Skin shades might change
but our roots are deep Within
When Africa cries we feel it’s pain  
When Africa smiles we rejoice with pure joy
Colonizers tried to change it but it changed them
They stole its music, passion, material good, it’s minerals, traditions, and norms
Taking even its greatest queens and kings
Tribal men and women
They tried to **** its joy but it still smiled through the pain
Enslaving it’s people still couldn’t **** it existence
Africa
Birthed in resistance and molded by resilience, inspired by diligence, fueled by consistence
We are strong, powerful, and courageous  
Africa the birthplace of the human race
With our palms pressed let’s say Grace
As we pray for peace

Her: Hey how are you
Me: I am still a fool
Her: Why
Me: Because I am still willing to fall for you
Her: I just called to check up on you
Her: Heard you been facing a tough time
Me: Yes I have been facing a tough time
Me: I have been feeling empty inside
Me: I been feeling like a hole has been ripped in my heart
Me: Even though my heart beats,
Me: It still beats to the soundtrack of your voice
Her: I am confused
Her: I gave you my heart and you decided to break it
Her: Now you crying and facing regret
Her: I gave you my all, and you gave me just enough of you
Her: Enough to keep me interested
Her: While loving me from a distance
Her: As you fought the resistance, you never gave us a chance
Her: You ignored love when it came knocking
Me: I know, I was wrong for thinking you would stay forever
Me: I took you for granted, I took what we had and destroyed it
Me: You calling me shows me that we still stand a chance
Her: Some chapters are better left closed
Her: I am just keeping my promise
Her: I told you I would be there for you
Her: Even if it meant loving you from a distance
Her: I see the good in you
Her: But I can't be with you if you don't see it too
Me: I see what you mean, I still have a lot to learn
Me: I tried to find you in the last person who claimed to love me
Me: But failed to realize that a love that you gave could never be duplicated, a love full of compassion, desire, a love so deep the soul can feel it. Now I get it, I was numb at the moment because I was afraid to feel loved, afraid to lose myself in you, afraid to face my darkest fears
Me: I was afraid to let you hold my insecurities, thinking it would destroy me.  So I never gave you all of me. Because I thought it was impossible to love me
Her: Impossible is a word cowards use to ignore life's greatest opportunities. I believed in you and saw all that you could be
Her: I saw past your insecurities, I just hoped you saw me for me and stopped running away from me
Her: Your fear introduced countless hours of tears to me
Her: You left me outside your heart as I knocked for you to let me in
Her: Now that I healed from the pain and hurt you caused me, you want me to open up those old scars, those old memories
Me: I am sorry, that I hurt you so badly. I hurt myself too along the way for being ignorant of your love
Me: Your words were the closure I was looking for
Me: The piece to my peace I was missing
Me: I now undersatnd what it means to have had and lost
Her: I am sorry too... I wish you luck as you search for the real you
Her: When you find him please tell him next time to love instead of run, tell him its ok to feel too. Tell him true love comes to those who seek it with all of their heart and soul. Tell him its ok to fall
Me: Thank you for everything
Me: I now understand
Her: You are welcome, I will be here until the end

I wanted to write you this piece
But thought that these words
would rob you of your peace

This paper would ran out of space
As it flows with emotional ink

Numb emotions hug me like a mother hugs her young child
These thoughts run wild
Like the tracks on a black queens head
Outside I smile but inside I’m dead
Feeding on false hope
That one day you will return back to me like an addict relapsing back to their deadly drug
Hoping you inhale my presence
And remember the love as you forget the mistakes

We walked on clouds just to fall asleep in loveless coffins

When you trust me with your future
I am a man at last
You inspire me to work harder
Hold on just a little longer
Let’s invest in our hearts
And hope they forever last
You are the thoughts I think
The eyes I see
The beat to my heart
Without you I would fall apart
If roses make you smile
I promise to build you two gardens
One in the backyard and one in my heart
With your fingers you build
With your heart you heal
You are the medicine to my sickness
I wrote these vows five years
before I kissed your tears
And touched your fears

To my future wife
I am the reason why your ex’s became ex’s
I guess my prayers told God to hit next
And now I’m in your presence
Hoping to be your forever

She thought love was a battlefield
So she dressed herself in insecurity, bad memories, pain, and tragedy
She feared vulnerability
Because she believed she would lose her identity
On this battle, she thought changing her perception
Would gain her my acceptance
Not knowing that it was her flaws I fell in love with
I knew if I could love her flaws I could love her all
Like Christ did when he died for all