I’m consumed with the thought of the future.
It’s eating me up inside like a poison.
A poison i consume.
Like a flower that can’t bloom.

Where has my sunshine been?
Its like I’m trying,
But i just can’t swim.

Im drowning in the thought of what was,
what will, and can be.
The me i once knew has left me stranded.

I know i am stronger than this.
The demons fighting against my inner being
i must try to resist.

Numb is what i want to feel.
Because i forgot what its like
to be real.


moving forward, making the change.
the priorities i carry
i must rearrange.

I know happiness is out there.
I seek it with every deep prayer.
The love and devotion i seek
is somewhere out there.

i'm still numb to everything that happened between us
whether those 5 years were love or lust
i know that i love you and that will never fade away
from every tomorrow to our every yesterday
we have invested so much of ourselves into what we have now
we split apart
and we are now lost somehow
where did you go
i am alone and in a daze
every day i face is a complete and saddened haze
but move forward i must
and move on i shall
who knows maybe in my future you will be
looking at me like you used to
eyes full of love
a heart for the future
but little did we know it wouldn't be
that there was an end to you and me
but enough reminiscing and il wipe my tears.
i love you always and forever, for all the following years.

i open up my mind so my feelings can unwind
im caught up in the bind of our lives so intertwined
we flow like the nile, steady for a while
then we rage like the pacific with no problems in specific
you light me up like the rays from the sun
you break me down like a tidal wave and earthquake in one
once more we remember what we are in this for
trust like the promise of a tomorrow
strength like unbreakable metal
we are immensibly perfect
imperfectly worth it
we grow from eachothers depths in our souls
you know
we show our colors, as they shine luminescent glows of perfection
we know our worth, working on our work
working on our worth
you for me
me for you
a bond that can never undue.

I feel my heartbeat echoing in the distance
It's you leaving me slowly
As the full moon rises, you ache with uncontrollable pain
it hurts to see you this way
i remember the once youth you carried
now you wither away
only we can see the pain
but you hide it away
we know its time to let you go soon
and the time drags like an hourglass of a thousand years
you were everything to me
my muse
my ear
my song
my sphere
whom will i confide in now
you were the only one i opened up too
somehow
i will find my way to open to others
but losing you will only close me off
temporarily
i will be strong for you
i will be a new me
a me you would be proud to see
even though you didnt show it
i know you loved us all
i felt it in your eyes
a tender kiss from your glance
i was always there for you
maybe not as much as i should have been
i know i will see you again
with the strength i recall
i love you forever my babe
may your achy heart beat into eternity
and out of this pain

i have my dreams painted before me
i have my life set on fast forward
always looking forward
to the new
the me
the you
always on mute
because i can't communicate
the desires that inquire
and require our communication
frustration eating me alive
not knowing where to go to survive
so i thrive on the daily
work, eat, sleep
and repeat
it seems I'm weak
in the mind and soul
losing all control
but I'm pushing forward with no choice
my voice is silent
thats why i put myself on mute
until i can communicate
the need for desire
i put on my work attire and go
back and repeat it again
with no end in sight

It's 4:20 a.m
and I'm wide awake
my thoughts consume me
a little bit of ***** does me no good
my feelings are still circling
i think of you
all of you
within the world of everyone else
i wonder how we became to be
is it a blessing or a curse
or something that will grow with time?
the most we can do is trust ourselves
and know what WE want as individuals
I know what i want
do you know what you live for?
your feelings are captivated within the world of substance
every buzz you can get
i worry
for you
i long for the MAN i once knew
the strong, hardworking, goal-seeking man
i know you are there
you just need to trust in the essence of patience and timing
the world is boring at times
and with that you need understand
that the good times come in spurts
enjoy the love, silence, and slow moments that flow
in the evanescence  of peace
we are here to hold each other
but one cannot hold the other up for life
i need you to carry the work too
its me and you
not me
and you alone
we need each other
now I'm rambling
you know what i mean

We are facades melting in the shame of this world
we are swallowed by the cliche numbness
that embodies our hope in our common being
we are becoming numb  to the idea of individuality
we claim thats it's we long for
but we are searching for justice
we want peace
in the  noise of our love
in the chaos of our passion
in the surrender of our addictions
that are afflictions that chase us
in every step
and bite us to our core
we are consumed

consumed by this world that expects us to be
to be an image of attentive beating
a beat that can keep going until overused
til it is dead
tired
worked
used
abused
amused
with money
money chases
us
down
it
is
us