Me at 5 years old-

I know that
We are all treated equal.
I don’t believe that
There is hate.
My mind knows that
Everyone loves one another.
Sometimes people lie to themselves and say
People hate each other for their differences.
I remind myself:
I am happy here.
And you can’t tell me
We live in a cruel world.

Me at 15 years old-

We live in a cruel world.
And you can’t tell me
I am happy here.
I remind myself:
People hate each other for their differences.
Sometimes people lie to themselves and say
Everyone loves one another.
My mind knows that
There is hate.
I don’t believe that
We are all treated equal.
I know that

See you with her, made me realize that I'm not your special girl anymore.
See you hold hands with her made me think that it was my hand you're holding before.
That hug of yours that once to be my home,
that laugh that once we shared together
and,
you that once to be mine.
See you happy with her...
that way I can convince myself that I'm no longer the love of your life anymore.
I'm no longer the reason behind your fast heart beating
and
that way I can convince myself to accept the fact that I could never be in that place that I used to be.
I'm now letting you go.
Believe me, I love you.
But I guess,
she can love you more.

There will come a time when the night air
won’t send chills down my spine
for it will no longer whisper your name.

I will stop telling stories about you,
for the moon has grew tired of hearing them
and weariness is an awful thing to feel.

The stars would appear
brighter than your eyes,
and I would hear lullabies again.

The winds would be warm,
the seas won’t crash waves,
and I will no longer drown.

You can pretend
That the black gloss
On my lashes
Will glue my eyes shut-
Make me blind to truth;
To ‘true knowledge.’
Go ahead.
Tell yourself
That my red-painted lips
Only spout nonsense.
It will only make it sweeter
When my wing-lined eyes
Give you whiplash
as I walk past you
To get my degree;
My award;
My paycheck.
Maybe if you’re ‘nice’
I’ll buy you an ice pack.

If I could turn back time
I would hit Backspace all day,
Id put on Caps Lock
and SHOUT what I say.

I'd use the whole Alphabet
To tell you hello,
Press seven Numbers
Til you picked up the phone.

I'd Tab through the comments
I didn't want to hear,
And use the Arrow Keys
To drag your body near.

I would Delete the harsh words
I didn't mean to speak,
And Insert the "I love yous"
I before couldn't leak.

I would use Ctrl to
Keep reigns over my heart,
And I would Escape lies
That tore us apart.

I'd Print out your photo
And kiss it goodnight,
Use the Calculator
To check that we were right.

I'd Paint you a picture
of us, you and me,
Then I'd hit Enter
Just so you would see.

Those are the things
I would do in my strife,
If only Backspace
worked in real life.

i hate myself/
and thats why/
im not living inside of my body/
im living inside my brain/
my heart is cold and hard because/
you never touch me with kindness/
you always hold my fragile body with hostility/
my weak body drapes pathetically over your arm/
i melt/
you always charm me and thats why/
i’m crying/
you lied to me/
im stuck wondering who killed me only to find that/
im looking in a mirror/
covered in blood/