Do you ever want to cry but no tears come?
Do you ever want to bleed but no blood flows?
Do you ever want to die but death won't come?
I have this all the time.
I want it all the time every day.
But I cannot cry, bleed or die.

I should not look,
She is a girl,
And so am I,
But she is pretty.

He is hot,
I kinda like him,
But I may not,
For he is a boy like me.

A girl and a boy,
Both loved,
Not by eachother,
But by me.

I look in the mirror,
See a body,
But it is not me,
Just my (fe)male version.

Do you like what you see?
Am I pretty yet?
Or do I need to add some more make up?
More lies?
Hide my true self?
The one that no one likes.
When will I be pretty?
Lose some more pounds?
So that you can see my weak bones?
Would you like to see that?
Or can you be content?
With the body I have?
The body that is me.
If not, how do I become pretty than?
How do I please you?
Why are you so ******* me?
Can I ever be pretty in your eyes?
Or will you just continue putting me down?
Deep down I know.
In your eyes I will never be pretty.
But I pretend that I don't know and some more make up.
Some more lies.
Till you don't see me anymore.
But just a bunch of lies.
Will I be pretty than?
Am I pretty yet?
The girl of lies.
Am I pretty yet?
What do you think?
Am I pretty yet?
Now you can't see me from under the lies.
Am I pretty yet or do you need more lies?
Another fake smile?
More make up?
Less weight?
More lies?
Tell me.
Am I pretty yet?
Or do you need more lies?

If I put on a smile an walk out this door,
and pretened that nothing is going on,
look again.
The scars on my thighs and wrist don't lie.
And if I smile,
I just want to cry.
But I will never show,
the pain in my heart,
I will suffer quietly,
live another lie.
But when you look closer,
you see that this is not real.
My smile is fake,
and all I want to do is cry.
Do you dare to look closer,
and see that I'm not okay.
Can you see?
Can you open your eyes for my pain?
And see trough my fake smile.
Because I am not okay.
And I want to scream.
But I don't want others to know,
because they never care.
And when you see me smile,
think again,
before you asume a thing.
Because I am not okay,
and my smile is fake.
My tears don't lie.
My scars don't lie.
They are real,
but my smile is not.
And you would see,
if you only looked a bit closer.

When I die, will I cry?
And if I do, is it for the moments I had or for the moments I will never have?
But do I care when there are other solutions the death?

I killed her

I killed her

I can't get it out of my head

I killed her

I killed her

Don't be sad

I killed her, yes

Soon she will be dead

I killed her

I killed her

Don't be mad

I killed her

Please, don't be sad

She did not deserve to live

I killed her

I killed her

Soon she will be dead

Soon I will be dead

I killed her

Now don't grieve

Don't be sad

The darkness is comming

I got to go

I killed her

I killed myself

Iam going to the light