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aspen wilde Jun 2020
i run you through my fingers,
waiting for my response.
your surface smooth as water,
your blade sharp as ice.
your blue tint reflecting my sadness,
your cracks revealing my anger.
still waiting for my answer,
i place you down admiring your beauty.
little shard of glass,
nothing else can cut so smoothly.
i think about it,
can i be that strong
as to not rip you through my skin,
and watch the validation seep out?
watch your red army attack my clothes,
staining the white the deepest crimson?
i think i'm done deciding,
what will i do- only time will tell.
you once were so innocent
though now stained with red.
i took your life from you
like you itch to take mine from me.

- credit to Sylvia Plath for the red army reference
-- see 'Cut'
aspen wilde Jun 2020
my head rising and falling as you breathe,
not wanting to be that heavy burden upon your chest.
my cheek pressed to your side,
i can feel you beating, i can feel your life.
my eyes, glossy, watch your neck pulsate,
knowing the warm, loving blood is running through your veins.
my hands grab at your shirt, longing to feel our bond,
your hands twitch and tap, as you've drifted off.
my sensitive ears take in your torturous breaths,
piercing the air, screaming like gunshots, hungry for her love.
you pull me in tight, cradling my head,
tugging on my finger, snatching the string of my life.
this string is buried deep within me,
my umbilical cord, the one that wasn't stolen.
cut, biologically,
yet still waiting to be rightfully possessed.
now i'm giving it to you,
you've got my life, soft in your hands.
so grant me yours,
i'm begging, just this little thing.
i can save it,
just please, let me in.
a daughter desperately needing to save her true dad
aspen wilde Jun 2020
i'm sick
broken
drowning
disintegrated
everything's so tight, closed off, heart clenching,
disembodied, bruises, strangled,
detonating, beautiful, strenuous,
driven down, hole, black,
peaceful, floral, dead,
fragmented, eternal, fluid.

and i'm invisible
only seen before the light
material
glowing thought the night
invisible
strangled by the white
invincible
appearing to the slight
4:48- credit to Sarah Kane's beautifully erratic play, provoking these emotions to come alive in my thoughts
aspen wilde Jun 2020
i tell everyone else to love themselves
and tell them they're worth it
but what about me?
forever talking people down off ledges
just pushes me off faster

i don't feel like i'm falling anymore
i feel like i'm dead
too far gone to save
what does that make me?
inside there's just a little girl waiting to be loved
... not by anyone else

... just by herself
aspen wilde Jun 2020
i don't want to let you down
i think i try but it's in my head
you don't have to forgive me
but you do
i'm sorry i let you down
i want to help, really it's true
but don't cut me slack
because it's undeserved
and you shall want it back
when you see me
aspen wilde Jun 2020
breathe
  let the wind take over
  feel the cool waves lap your skin
  taste the bitter salt
  and smell the rushing gusts that sing

breathe
  you are not alone
  embrace the storm
  feel it caress your face
  the touch electric as the lightning streaks

breathe
  you can do it
  the storm is by your side

breathe
  because you can
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