Previously I purged.
Traces and reminders
Repressed with zeal
Detached from truth.

Now I binge,
Indulgent hypotheses
Fuel fantasies
Detached from truth

Reality,
Elusive middle ground
Between denial and delusion
Decays

I wasn't sure if
This would work
I'm still not

Oh what I’d give...
What I’d give to write within
A book whose every page is made
From smooth banana skin

The texture firm but fair,
This I long to feel
Beneath my pen which glides
Over yellow, fleshy peel

Guiding, fixing clumsy script
To exceed its usual style
Putting pen to banana
Puts to my face a smile

Entangled: briefly but
Tightly
Now, distant yet synchronised
Coupled
Across oceans of
Space and Time
Spinning, alone yet
Connected

.
We were whole, once
Ordered, balanced: one
Disorder grows; time emerges
Time elapses; disorder grows
Entropy
Pulls us apart, away
Farther from the state
The unlikely state
Where we were whole
…

Like a child tentatively approaching a lego tower
I'm reaching
Touching
Crashing
Down, you crumble
Plastic tinkling, rain stick
I just wanted to touch you
Not to break you

Your name materialises
From words
Books, adverts, signs
Primed to see you
Superfluous letters fade from my perception
And leave the important few
Yours

I heard that stoicism meant strength
And so
I buried my grief
Under layers of logic
Detached from death
Detached from life

When I seemed ready to experience
Feeling again
I tried to feel
But fell
Tripped by logic
Stopped by stoicism

I remain
Uncertain
Until you observe me
Validate me
Make me real
When you look
I exist