soundless you lay with thoughts rested,
and i fill with envy.
your name doesn't come with faraway smiles
or the warmness of invisible breath,
guilt comes in waves and i find myself drowning,
i can't bring myself to see the texts left,
no indication left, that you're still awake to see my reply
i miss you, i miss you.
wishing you were here is an understatement,
but state this properly i cannot. even now
i dread the heavy stones weighing on my chest
when i piece out each word i want to say,
each hurtful memory i want to relive.
so feel i won't do for you tonight, i'm afraid the tears
won't meet their end against my empty pillow.
and i hate it more to look heartless but either way
i would be just that because my heart wouldn't take
the aching for your arms around me.
i am sorry i am such a coward.
i do not know how to love properly sometimes,
i just do so in a way it doesn't hurt so i wouldn't
have to need you so **** much
all the time.

Some days my head is high
My chin is raised
My eyes are bright
And I sing self praise

Other days my head is low
My chin is tucked
My eyes are sad
I'm out of luck

My soul is joyful
I feel no fear
I can't stop smiling
I'm happy I'm here

I go outside
I grin at the sun
I smell the roses
It's good to be someone

But then I'm down
And everything crashes
A tear slowly slides
The pain comes in flashes

It hurts to breathe
Yet I cry and cry
Sometimes I wish
That I could just die

But then I remember
I was made for something
And I lift my head
And walk with a spring

I move on to the good days
I pass the hurt
Because even the best days
Outshine the worst

to everyone ive ever loved
i never wanted to lose you
to everyone who said they loved me
i wish you felt the same
you ripped your way right through my fingers
and just let me
slip away
you didnt really love me
loving to me means
never letting go.

World.
I have an important annoucement to make
An announcement that will leave many of you stunned
I just can't hold it in anymore
It rampages in my heart and soul
Like a never before seen angry beast
So here I go
I...am a nerd
There I said it
It's out now so let it be known
And for now on it will shown

Sometimes you get bored and decide to send me an "I miss you" text. My fingers reach for my phone, ready to type a message as if on autopilot, but then I remember why we don't talk anymore in the first place. Loving you destroyed pieces of me and it was either I let you go or lose the small part of me that was left behind. I decided a long time ago that I will not tear myself down to help build up someone else. So then, when my fingers grasp the phone and click on your message out of habit, I realize I can no longer say the same about you. I begin typing but the message you received is not the one you were expecting.
*-I sure as hell hope you do.