I said I put a lot of things behind me but,
I lied so..

My life is complicated.
I’m lost in this generation.
I mean..
I hate my state of mind.
I’m lost like a balloon trying to find its way,
And you see..
Today is my birthday.
But I’m trapped in my mind,
I can’t seem to ever have a good time.
I’m not the type that you bring home to mama in my opinion.
I’m damaged goods I must say.
I’m woman crazy.
My body’s lazy.
And that’s no where near it all.
I been in sadness for years just hoping soon you would call.

I wish I had someone that would love me.
And I mean really know and love me.
Like, effortless.
But I’m so blind and messed up from another chick.
And that along with everything else caused such a riff.
Now my ex and everyone around me has the power.
Now I’m guarded and get faded for hours.

But I mean..
Besides crazy, got anger issues,
I’m spoiled and I;
Run from my problems when I’m the only thing that can solve them.
I sat one time all alone but with a full revolver.
My life is out of order.
I lost my faith in some things,
Mainly in pure love.
I’d sell my soul just to have your heart but that ain’t enough.

While I got missed calls from any and everybody.
Don’t wanna listen to anybody.

It’s so many reason why I’m complicated.
I mean..
Or maybe I’m just high again.

That’s really only the other feeling that can help me while I try and fill up this space.
Until I’m sitting in the mirror staring at my own face.
Wiping all my tears on a day to day base.
I got so much sadness and hatred running at everyones’ pace.
This is my last poem before I lock myself all away.
It’s complicated.

Writing and losing feeling.
Of heart breaks and commitments,
A couple catchy songs with my brothers;
It would be nice if you listened.
Or even ever read my poetry.
Behinds those words is a broken me.
I can barely see, what my future holds.
Im no longer chasing hoes, I’m trying to find the yellow brick road.
But lost awareness.

Now I’m a drunk.
Now I’m a pothead.
And all the seeds I planted, they are now dead.


Having mood swings like the weather that’s floating me.
I no longer wanna be.
I swear it’s complicated

Don’t drown yourself pretending to be deep.
It’s too complicated.
And I can’t swim but I rather drown in her sea.
It’s so complicated.
Should I retire and settle down from writing.
It’s too complicated.

Had a conversation with Midas;
It got me thinking different.
Lebron James flow, I guess that y’all the witness.
I’m contemplating so much, it’s hard to write a sentence.
Early stage of my twenty’s, yet still I feel a menace.
We blur the lines of life and death whether it’s right or wrong.
But I love you through everything;
still I’m holding on.

And for so long I just been locked away.
Been writing in notebooks trying to find my way.
Midas sat and he told me I shouldn’t sell my soul.
You need to just get the ball rolling, you getting old.
Your heart got cold, sat in the freezer on the early days of summer, to chill, now you writing but against your will.
And I’m crying.
And on the inside I’m dying.
Every body says be strong, and believe me I’m trying.
Midas said that I be lying.
To get infatuation.
I wiped my eyes and I asked how to change this situation.
He said it’s your destination.
Change up your formation.
And stop all that leaking on the internet about complications.
Found that open door.
But you don’t wanna walk thru.
I love you through everything should’ve dropped; somehow I thought I lost you.
But later it will cost you.
Know you feeling kinda awful
Ima come back and see just where this conversation got you.
But I didn’t tell it all.
I figured I would call,
And tell Midas I’m focused and I’m ready to ball.
While I sit, just all alone in a empty hall.
As all of my mishaps are posters on the wall.