I use to think I needed a break from love.
Now realizing I need it more than ever.
Wear my heart on my sleeve and compliment it by throwing on a sweater.
Running like Usain Bolt through the pressure and the weather.
Saying to myself I can do better.
Knew better.
Vendetta against myself.
Don’t know my wealth.
Was in a dark place knowing my lifestyle decreased my health.
My process is just to heal and rebuild.
Protective of myself but should focus on my damaged shield.
Young, wild and free
And I’m reckless; I don’t wanna yield.
Living fast as ever as the world was my playing field.
Needed to slow down, before I get killed.
So I disappeared and wrote about it and all of a sudden I chilled.

I sat and use to pray hoping that the stars aligned.
My love wasn’t a sure thing, but now I’m living right.
When I needed it, no one couldn’t give me any advice.
But they always had something to say any other time.
Everybody that I met on the way;
Is trying to get in the way.
Use to making big bucks now I’m working minimum wage.
The man downstairs must really love testing my patience.
Someone down there must be in need of some entertainment.
Forgiveness for my sinful ways.
So much hate in heart but I still love, that’s how I was raised.
These days everything I think has me feeling a way.
Still learning and still growing on a day to day
But..

With my grandmother out in Carolina is where I belong.
Was out there in LA not knowing what was going on.
I was doing things so wrong.
And it’s all because I chose a side.
I just couldn’t put my pride aside and confide in me.

Perhaps it wasn’t my time.

Stressing for some days.
Then I caught my case.
I been on the run trying to give myself some time to think.
Sitting in my room, all I did was drink and pray.
Call home twice a week and tell my people I'm ok.
They ask me if I'm stressing, I'll say hell no I'm straight.
But they can tell I'm different because it's written all in my face.
I been working out.
I been gaining weight.
Been having dreams and nightmares about my death and case.

Ain't nobody send me no mail.
Stressing with my back home girl.
Trying to see and conquer the world.
But it all is seeming like just like jail.
Writing down my plans, hoping I don't slip again.
Drop some money on my poems and books and trust me I'll bounce back again.

Things aren't looking good.
But still I keep the faith.
While I'm sitting up in California, trying to fight my case.
Running through this maze.
Just miss my mom and daughters face.
I come out every weekend out my cell just to party and to drank.
Back and forth with peoples words and court,
They talking bout some rank.
I ain't did that since with the homies I was raised.
Everyone across the country,
They seem so far away.
As I'm sitting up in California, trying to fight my case.

I've been holding on desperately for a long while, trying not to let go.
Static is my growth but I try not to let it show.
I fell into a deep depression.
Darkness encounters were often.
I can't describe these feelings.
These thoughts.
The people, spirits or monsters within me.
I truth no one.
I put nothing pass anybody.
They're all the same.
I'm convinced I'll never get married.
Developing a hatred for love so my heart, I buried.
From 18 to now my biggest fear was losing it all.
Little did I know, I had nothing already destined to fall.
At 21, everything came to a different light.
Lying to myself, and other like I am alright.
I have a lot of fears.
Fear of losing creativity.
Fear of losing touch with you and me.
Fear of everything within myself.
So I'm throwing in my hand and all of the cards that I've been dealt.

Up at a time that I shouldn't be.

Thinking about things that I shouldn't be.

Sad about things I've been sad about for a couple years, I been low, I been down and out.

And it cost funerals of love, had so many doubts.

But I'm still here, moving forward on a different route.


I would give it all up, to make it all work.
I wish I could say, that they knew my worst.
End of the day, it's my gift, my curse.
At the end of the day, I know my worth.

Through everything,
I love you shawty.
You know you do me *****, shawty.
I need you to make me, happy.
Over you, there will be nobody.

Think about each other when we shouldn't be.
Missing all the past when I shouldn't be.
I be on the go.
You be on the go.
We go back and forth.
Different road
They don't know how it goes
But still I got my pride
Knowing I don't wanna be alone.
Certain times we disagree and you just let it all go.
But you're sitting right beside you though.

I'd kick it with my friend and I'd make it all worst.
But still I tried to hide it but show my worth.
Seems you putting my last, but many say first.
At the end of the day I know your worth.

Running in the streets when I shouldn't be.
Trying to make it off of writing poetry.
Loving all the things that I shouldn't be.
Knowing that it only should be you and me.
I was feeling blue.
Didn't have a clue.
Trying to figure out what to do.
And I'm losing you.
Soon I'll do a show and I'll glo'
With you in the crowd.
While I'm speaking loud.
And deep down, you are really proud.
Coming this spring, Ima fling
Ima Seek my dream.
And no matter what, Ima love you through everything.