Just tell me one thing
When you decided to hurt me did you still love me?
And if you didn't, when you finally figured that out why didn't you trust me enough to tell me?
Did the foundation of trust implode along with our relationship?
If there couldn't be love couldn't there still be respect?
Well I know there couldn't be love
But could there have been less disdain?
And since there was no longer trust,
Couldn't you at least assume most of the blame?

I miss the fervor with which I used to write
I miss the way words would dance in my mind until the perfect combination fell at my feet
I miss knowing more than a few good cliches and metaphors
I miss the desperation I had to explain every feeling, to describe every moment, to relish in something for longer than I experienced it because memory fades and I need the possibly exaggerated details to grasp onto
I miss not feeling brain fatigue after writing two lines or reading a single chapter
I miss the overwhelming desire to see my ideas come to life and become something other than a vision that will haunt me before I go to sleep and become lost in nightmares and lost hopes and reminders before I jump off the cliff jolting me awake just to be surrounded by complete darkness when I open my eyes just like the true ending to the fall I was just shy of landing

We fell in love to the words of Shakespeare
Only tragedy could not be more synonymous with his name
We fell in love as the days got longer
Only for the sun to further warm our red-stained cheeks
We fell in love during late nights, sitting in cars where our hearts raced but our lips never touched
Only passing cars whose headlights lit up our sight revealed that these fleeting moments were felt best in the dark
We fell in love while holding onto each other as the waves crashed
Only like rocks thrown back into the ocean, we let each other get pulled under the tide
We fell in love with the idea of a summer love
To never realize we were only dreaming of an everlasting summer, to which we could never have

We had gotten through two winters, and I prayed we could make it through a third
Choosing to forget our last summer was too hot
Sunburn masquerading as blush stained cheeks
A Shakespearean drought that left us loveless and resentful
The moments we shared were again fleeting
To say I never saw you would be a lie
But could you honestly tell me there was anything worth to remember
I had forgotten the push and pull of the tides
I had given all there was left of me to give, apparently never enough
You told me you long for the days I gave you butterflies
And honestly what was I supposed to say
You could never quite figure out how to keep plants alive.
And summer blooms aren’t meant to last through the winter
I regret the last time I said I love you
You were looking through me to summer long forgotten
As the October chill froze over what we had

Belladonna
They called me enchantress
Grown with light
Sun prescribed  
Sweet berry blush
Bite me
Give you a deadly kiss
Perfect rouge stained lips
Related to Siren’s tune
Pulled and consumed
Got what you wanted
Guess you didn’t expect
To love or be loved
I loved you to death.

My love for you fills the expanse of these mountains
Through the valleys to
The bottom of their rivers to
The highest peaks brushing the skies and
Splitting through clouds to
Flooding every stream and
Passing through the undergrowth to
Nurture the trees and
Creating forests and
Filling the air Intoxicatingly and powerful to
Carving paths that will always
Lead me back to you.

Mouths gape
Dragging nails
Skin pulled
My hands gripped over their thighs
Skins melds around my hands
Sweet pungent smell becomes bitter the longer it sits on their tongue
Tasting more as I bite into their lip
Chests rise and fall
Tongue outreaching
Grasp for warmth
Their eyes begin to close
Steam waning
Failing to rise

Kiss
Iced lemon water
Sweet burn bitter taste
Side by side we walked the streets
Secrecy unto my dreams
Waiting for my love to turn on me
Deferred from our path she pulls me aside

The fun house
Who knew what was inside
Artificially preserved
Halted in time
Girls in blue tutus
Hung over the walls
Classical music
An American in Paris
Numbed the senses- the uncanny sublime

Hall of mirrors
Time to play
Throw yourself over the line
Close your eyes and pray
Well lit doorway
Nowhere to hide
He's watching me
“We have to leave”
She went through the doorway and called for me

On the street
Star on dark night
We forgot our destination now lost
She trusted me
Into the rain we ran
Overhead shot
Birds-eye view
Who was watching me?
We got a taxi, I was through
Closed the door
Told my directions
I knew he could follow me
This dream was over
Would I be safe?

He knelt down
Put his arms around me
I screamed
He told me he loved me
Wouldn’t let go
To comfort or trap me I still wasn't sure
Told me he loved me
Should never have let go
How did he know
Says he's watched me before
End my relationship
Lock all the doors
Hide and seek
Likes playing games

I woke up
But jokes on me.

Sometimes you’re mentally just falling, and you need someone to hold onto you before you hit the ground.

I'd trade every monetary aspiration for the certainty I have and will spend every moment possible loving those I cannot live without
In the end everything will remain here, but the love and spirit of longing for those who we wish to hold, is forever.
The fear of love lost is stronger than the fear of other's perception of who I could have been
Take everything
And I will still be left with the air in my lungs that keeps me alive for another day
Only to feel the ache in my chest from living to love you.

Once, he told me throw the egg at the tree.
He pointed, “There,” and threw one himself.
The egg weighed in my hand. Him waiting for me.
I threw. Trust to him and fear off its shelf.

Golden by birthright, his heart and his soul.
He bloomed without boundaries; carefree perfection.
He loved like a mother as if was his role.
He hand built his world; to him a small action.

Dreamt of him last night , it’s been a while
Robins blue eggshell: color of his eyes
They captured his mind and carelessness; fragile
Forgot to count the cracks, weakened though wise.

I should’ve grasped while others took their piece.
His hair without color signaled withdrawal.
I never made promises; free for release.
But, I'd told him “Don’t worry I won't let you fall.”

I picture the tree to which the eggs were thrown.
Where he’d thrown his trust back and now hung alone.

Whoever walks the path at midnight candle in hand
Is processing and prophesied
Deceased and dead
But only in the morning could everyone know
That their fate has been sealed on death row

A boy had been watching to see whose death would be sealed in history
The boy saw two candles that night
But he couldn’t tell: a secret, his mouth held tight
He needed to save them, to their houses he flew
But before he reached the gate an owl in the tree above asked “who?”

They said he couldn’t tell
Better bite your tongue
The spirits will get angry, the owl sung
Go home don’t tell your family no one can know what you saw
You reap what you sow
Now take your secret and go

He waited till morning
To know if they died
The owl asleep while the boy awaked
But, through the night, the owl watched over them for his sake
They lived, but he’s convinced their death day awaits
On the day his secret spills, and he can no longer carry this weight

And every night since then the boy never takes that path home
He hasn't learned to keep secrets
And he cannot carry that weight alone.

Our time faded like summer's heat with memories so bittersweet:
warm pavements, hot skin, first kisses, cool nights, wandering hands, yearning eyes, birthday cakes, *** dreams, maybe i love yous, thunderstorms, secrets, heated phone calls, cold showers, pleading cries, full moons, empty houses, fading laughter, failed goodbyes, long distances, recurring nightmares, broken commitments, and just maybe
i miss you