Infectious laugh,
Untamable anger,
Excitable stories,
Well-hidden anxiety.

Misdirected blame,
Unwarranted shame.

Blue eyes.

Brown hair, red hints; I wish I could have seen it with sun tints.

Smiling...

After work.
In the middle of the night.
In the mornings.
Saturday afternoons.

Rushed calls or
A day’s worth of together.

Nightmares as dreams,
Nights without sleep.
Coffee, drugs, caffeine.
Scars.

Hopelessness.
Grief.

Aspirations.
Full of life.

Childlike heart. Easily torn, but never taken apart.
An eye for nature’s beauty.
An eye for art.
One for me, occasionally.

Insecurity. Arrogance.
Compassion. Detachment.
Weak yet enduring.
Unmoving yet learning.

Intoxicating.
Aggravating.
A liar struggling to lie.
A suicide debating to die.

Lustful gaze.
Manipulative ways.

Who were you
And why couldn’t you stay?

Step out of the room and into the rain.
The sky is no longer gray,
But the cool drizzle washes me clean.
My skin is peeled away, like a snake;
Someone new,
Yet
Someone who is me, the one who's always been.
I had abandoned her.

Addiction
To what was never real.
Addiction.

I can see I lied to her, myself,
I can admit to my own illusions I was deluded to believe:

    I
       Do not need you.
                 I
                    Cannot save you.

The truth does not make me heartless.
Wash me clean and away the darkness.
I am compassion.
I am nurture.
I can be your friend,
Care from a distance while I mend,

Because I do not need you.
               We are not meant to be.

Now you'll have to save yourself.
Now I must love me.

What are we thinking about until we can't
close our eyes?
Why it's hard to just sleep rather get through
a day?
You just want to close your eyes without
having to wait for tomorrow.

Why we're wide awake during the time we dream?
Why we're asleep during the time we work?
Why has the day become the night for me and the night
become the day?

Maybe, my world isn't the earth.
Then, I'll just sleep and fly away.

Have I already told you?
that I always miss you
on a day to day basis

Have I already told you?
that I want to hold you
in this cold, lonely night

Have I already told you?
that you're all I see
in this myriad crowd

Have I already told you?
how you look so cute
when you wear that smile

Have I already told you?
that I'm slowly falling
out of love; it's driving me crazy

Have I already told you?
how lucky I am that I've found you
my one and only comfort zone

Have I already told you?
that I'm hurt with words you've said
I thought it was me all along.

But, I was wrong.
that's why I didn't tell you
what I feel about you.

Have I already told you?
how lucky that person is
to be loved by you...