I used to love him—
Not in the casual way people talk about love,
But in the way the ocean loves the shore,
Constant, inevitable, relentless,
Even when the distance between them feels endless.
His blonde hair, soft and familiar,
Like golden threads I wanted to tangle my fingers in forever,
But I never could.
The miles stretched between us,
A space too wide, too cruel to close.
Yet I could still feel him,
As if his breath lingered just beyond my reach.
Those ocean blue eyes—
They held storms and stillness all at once,
Even from afar, I drowned in them.
I memorized them through a screen,
Staring into a version of him I couldn’t touch,
Hoping the pixels would somehow keep me warm.
His face, etched in my memory,
That beautiful, gentle nose,
Perfect in its imperfection,
A detail I can’t seem to forget,
Even when I try.
But I never felt its softness under my fingertips,
Only imagined what it must feel like to be that close.
And now, I miss him.
Not just his body, his presence,
But the way he made space in my heart,
A space that feels hollow now,
Echoing with memories that never had the chance to be real.
We existed in the in-between,
Our love spanning cities, miles, oceans,
Yet it was always there, as sure as the sun rising.
I miss his existence,
The simple fact of him being here,
Breathing in the same world as me,
But too far away to ever hold.
There’s a void where he used to be,
A gap in the air that no one else can fill.
He was perfect, not in the way the world sees perfection,
But in the way that made him mine,
Even when the distance made it feel like he wasn’t.
And I yearn—God, I yearn—
For just one more moment,
One more chance to see him face to face,
To close the distance between us,
To feel whole, if only for an instant.
He’s still here,
In the space he left behind,
In the parts of me that are still his,
Even though he was never quite close enough to touch.
And I miss him more than I know how to say.
