If that gem lay there before you
the one you never knew you needed
if it shimmered
would you not reach to make it your own

If it sparkled, just enough
to lift your heart from where it sank
if it was there
would you turn away for lack of reason

Would you tell yourself it’s not for you
not meant, not earned, not real
that some hands are made to hold beauty
and yours are not among them

Would you fear it might fade in your grasp
or that you would
break it
smear the shine with doubt
taint the treasure by wanting it too much

Or would you kneel
not with greed but with wonder
fingers trembling, heart split open
and take it gently
like it had been waiting
for you
all along

They say love should not be idealized
but isn't love the only thing that deserves to be idealised ?
They say we shouldn't get too attached
but shouldn't we give our all for love
if not then can we call it love at all?

They say don't give your self up for love
but if not for love then what else is there
they say we shouldn't get too tethered to love
but isn't love something to get wrapped for?
oh what i would give to get wrapped in those arms

but why did you left me with this void instead of promised future
was it all in my head?
was I the one dreaming of you while sleepless
was i the one looking at your silhouette during the Sunkissed day
was i the one who felt the tug while you were chained at the bay?

How can one know the end still hope for change
how can i fight against the current of the river
while you were the sea itself
How can i stop myself from burning
when you lit the fire yourself.

I am a sinner,
A sinner who dared dreamt of love,
A sinner whose only sin was to be hideous,
A sinner who did not know it was a sin,
A sin to not be perfect as the world wants.

A beast who never got the beauty,
A dwarf in love with the sleeping beauty,
A frog who did not turn into a prince when kissed,
A Bluebeard without the forbidden room,
A beast who was never a cursed prince, never blissed.

So I tear away pieces of myself to be perfect,
To be someone, not bound by their looks—
The polite boy, the helpful friend, the good guy,
The martyr, the forgotten, the soldier of a hopeless war.
Only to be reminded I’ll always be the loveless one.

Beauty and the Beast, sounds so lovely, doesn’t it?
But I never wanted to be the beast.
It never sounded hopeful or enchanting in my abyss.
All I could hear was pity and sympathy,
Mixed with my demeaning and desperate pleas.

Is love such a luxury,
That one needs to be perfect to reach it?
Or is it just the case for me?
I see everywhere people have it and are happy—
Why are they nowhere close to the ideals burdened upon me?

So I weep and weep without cries and shouts
I weep for one to love me and only me unconditionally
To drown in me as I would for them—
To love me as deeply as I love,
But no one ever does.

Take me back to the South?
I rubbed a puppy but you made it live,
I held your hand and ego as a ghost rode *****,
I tasted your mouth
Your deep addictive kisses were salty ripe with hidden tears, expectations and confessions of fears,
You pressed me for affirmation with one foot out the door,
My supposition acquiesced to passion
Then, you disappeared

Now you’re here
Pressing me,
Asking me what do I want?
I need consistency, presence, commitment, and time.

What do I feel?
What I feel is
Soul mate attraction,
Unconfined by silence,
Driven, diving, biding
Ineffable, inexplicable, unconstrainable
Uncontainable love and lust
Intertwined and unbound
How do you feel?

Do you have clarity?
For me, it’s taking its sweet time
Dragging and compartmentalizing
The inner unraveling of the unforgiven knot of the unacknowledged
The unpolished
And unabolished.

What do I want?
Excuse me as I try to unpack the dusty boxes,
On my neglected shelves.
I’m not a stranger to love or lust,
But, I’m not a friend either.
I’m not an enchantress,
No siren here my friend.
Nor, am I an open book,
My closest companions are the choir of thoughts,
Who sing songs of loyalty, doubts and declarations,
I’ve wandered but
I want a true partner to walk hand in hand the path of a life mundane,
Stealing moments of hungry happiness, exquisite.

You break down my defenses
Despite all logic and suppression,
Fingers press into mind’s flesh,
Nails rake down your neck.
My heart pounds and my mouth rounds,
Warm wet worship,
Down the base of your inspiring ****.
Your groaning and growing elicit my complete attention,
And, focus my irreverent intentions
To unraveling the bead formed on the cusp of your tip,
Your palms trace the strands of my hair,
Your pleasure drives sated completion
Is it plans or preoccupations of hands?
Are you practicing yet?

For now, as you lament love lost
I’ll sit quasi patient,
Outwardly immobile and facetiously engaged
Damp wanting but waiting,
Quietly watching the two flames in my candle
As they melt and burn the wax around its’ wicks,
Hot but constrained
Destructive but contained.

I’ll be externally reverent for the life carefully molded,
Grateful for familial serenity
But, ever mindful of the calling,
Forged by sound, touch and taste
To an internal dereliction sung by our blue flame.

Threads
in my mind
weaves mazes,
and I find
you there–
Among all the words and phrases,
And the many works I’ve read–
Holding all the strings in hand.
Connected to everything, everywhere.
When I close my eyes at night,
in each journal that I write,
in the sky and land,

And at the end of every poem–
You're there