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stuck in an abyss,
staring down into nothingness
as if it will shine a light,
when you least expect it
lost myself in a manner
it was hard to recover,
with the missing pieces
still at large
but can't give it up,
not yet
I have a long way to go
before I eventually blow
looking for some sunshine
after this punishing snow,
clear as a crystal
while my husky's fur bristle
getting a cup of coffee to go,
its high time for me to grow
more than I ever know,
I feel it is harder
to pull yourself
out of the funk
when you have been down and out,
there is that element of doubt
hindering your next move,
to get out of the abyss
and find yourself in a place
surrounded by love and hope
sometimes even your heart can't cope
simply because it ain't used to it,
but this time I shall submit
to a higher belief
that everything is gonna be alright
give my future self a chance,
a chance at redemption
to take responsibility
for myself
and those around me,
a chance to start over
fail
and rise again.
One from the archives.
BE TEMPTED

When you
find your
morale up
and down
like a roller
coaster, it's
because you
lack
confidence in
yourself.
Never lose
focus, adhere
to
concentration,
subscribe to
pay
attention. Only
gut could lead
the way, be
dared to do
somewhat
that seem
most difficult.
Be tempted
by your
greatest goal
make it
fall for you.
#c9_fm
Anita Dec 2020
And then you woke up, you felt the soft drip of sweat on your furrowed brow. Trailing down your face in thin streams. Your clothes were soaked, and your bed lay damp. Your breathing was heavy as your forlorn gaze drifted off into the night sky.

And then you woke up, you felt the fright from a previous dream cling to your mind, dulling your senses. Cloaking your ears from all previous sounds that might’ve existed. Your hands lay there trembling, uncontrollable in every way, messy hair in all directions.

And as you lay there breathing, you woke up. The erratic thumping of your heart, beating loud into the night. A soft wail from your mouth, encircling the terrible symphony of despair. Grating thoughts, that never seem to go away. It won’t stop, it won't go away . . .

And then you woke up
You woke up
Amanda Kay Burke Dec 2020
We are a little ****** up inside
The parts of ourselves we try to hide
Some of us dwell in trenches deep
Just like those up hills so steep

Looking at the life I know
Stars above
Ground below
Everything we do not share weighs us down
In the stress we'll eventually drown

Is knowledge we are missing too hard to reach?
Can be the one to show me how and teach
More bad habits every day
But you can take them away

Is more serotonin what I need?
Expensive to sense/cents to feed
Rather fix hormones in my brain
Than leave be and go insane

A long way to go
Climb off my knees
Halfway there start to wheeze
Missed shot
I'm on the bench
Opportunity failed
Fists clenched

Throw confidence against wall
Kindness shown to others
Not self at all
And around in circles I run
Like clock hands thoughts are never done

Confetti exploding
Colorful shower
Pieces of heart shredded by the hour
No bravery
No guts
No *****
No spine
Days will never again be mine

No hurry to grow older
Faint embers to smolder
Story etched
Layers of stone
Exhausted to skin and bone

Walking motion
Too worn out to sprint
Precious time now viewed with tint
Inhumane way of wearing death out
Lies before infinite route

Mirror whispers
"You are not good enough"
Existing breath hated and rough
Body in conflict with the voice in my head
Dangling from a solitary thread

The day hazy because I am confused
Hop from mistake to mistake unexcused
Revealing that despair is long
Unchanging as I mosey along

My heart warming
Trying change
And thawing as flaws disarrange
Can think I'll get better
I never will
Spending time savoring that thrill

Laughing days that passed by in a rush
Crying
Sharing stories we gush
We are only distracting from the pain
Is a point ever reached
Where you slip down the drain?

A need to fix
Need to heal
No way of stopping the bad **** I feel
Move feet but I'm stuck in place
****** up all I can't erase
Its so hard to let go of the past
loggi Dec 2020
There is a bitter taste
Pressed to my mouth
As I sip my tea.

There’s a thought that’s lives
I wish to drown out
But can I ever cede.

All this has been steeping
And it’s now too strong.
I’ll have to deal with it.
Andrea Dec 2020
When did it get like this?
When did the laughter and joy
Become unshed tears and dreaded days
When did time lapse and become one big date.
When did the excitement and love
Turn so cold and twisted recognition seem so late
And when did the story of us become a nightmare
Instead of a fabricated folk tale.
Sometimes
Laura M Julio S Nov 2020
To that baby
That kid
That teenager
That adult

Growing inside me
I’m afraid
                 Of the pain
                                    I may feel

                                    It may cause
  I’m afraid
                 Of growing

                                    Up

                                    Old
lover Nov 2020
i
I wish you didn't say hi
show interest in my poetry and the look in my eyes
then no one's hand had ever made you hard before
no one's brain sounded as smart as yours
the one who listens while I read
the one I shouldn't want to need
when I did drugs but my main addiction was your love
our slumber as we lie awake
where is my soul that you take
give back the me i lost on the way
and the you that left unlike you said
did you really have to leave?
waffle Nov 2020
i don't know why im writing this. but i used to write every so often when i was younger.
i am turning 18.
it almost feels like a fever dream. i never felt this frightened my whole life.
is my life really starting? is this the beginning of a decade?
where am i gonna be after this? how am i gonna feel?

you see, growing up, it's that just simple.
nothing changes, and you still gotta wait for something to.
it doesn't magically happens.

and i hate waiting.
i wanna be older and free.
but, most of the time i wish life was simpler like when i was younger.
i was listening to ribs by lorde and my birthday is coming up.
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