dense conversations after 3am      
   waking up at 9 to continue the same dialogue
                small talks
           useless talks
  smiling at the littlest things
        and laughing at the silliest jokes
                     hugs and kisses
    secretly holding hands
               hotels and lodges
                               fancy restaurants
                    cinema backseats
                            a 4-cheese whopper
               disneyland            
that silly bucketlist that never gets filled----
                            regrets
           achievements       happiness
     nostalgia            melancholy  
        missing each other only a few days apart
                missing one over the other...
     condescension         pride and humility
                    misunderstanding
             sadness        tears    
                           blurring vision
                 slowly turning anger
                       quickly turning hate
          pretty soon turning against each other
first apologies...second apologies...third apologies...fourth apologies...fifth...sixth...
                     et cetera
            and forgivess covered by more hate----
      and absolution...    
                                    for only minutes...
                  before pain.
         and pain               and pain
               and pain      and pain         and pain
   and pain      
              et cetera
                        tears
                    sobs
­                      weeps
               goodbye.

Look at me
Look at me
What do you see?
Am I who I am or not?
All the people who loves me
Are the same people who really don’t

Look at me
Look at me
What do you see?
Looking in my eyes
Do you see a real person or just a lie?

In this world dictated by faces
I already forgotten the real me
Do I have to paint it more?
Or just let this beautiful mask burn into ashes?

Look at me
Look at me
What do you see?
Reflecting in that eyes of yours
Is that truly I am?

Look at me
Look at me
What do you see?
Beneath this mask is an ugly face
I kept hidden away
This is the person I truly was

In this world dictated by faces
I finally remembered who I am
Taking off this deceiving mask
Look, this is the real me

Look at me
Look at me
Now that you see
Would you still love me?
All that I am are just lies
Would you still be with me?

Look at me
Look at me
Now that you see
Are you going to turn away?
The me who only wanted to be loved
Are you going to shun me?

In this world dictated by faces
I threw away the ugly me
Wearing this beautiful mask once more
I’ll continue to be that person that wasn’t really me

5-7-5

My heart is callous.....
parched like waterless desert with no shades
only because you left me.

If I should fall in love with you
You'll never know my feelings true
I'll keep that **** under my hat
Pretend I don't know where it's at
And silently I'll pine away
Though never in the light of day
Like some lovelorn ethereal ghost
Beneath black skies this love I'll host

I'll glance your way through shaded eyes
And tell myself a million lies
To keep my heart safe and alone
Locked up tight in its cage of bone
Til I am sure the chance has passed
When you've moved on, I'll breath at last
If I should fall in love with you
I'll deny it til we are through.

i've never felt love and it's never felt me.
only the calloused skin of his hands rubbing my satin thighs.
only felt the soft tips of my fingers reading the stubble on his chin like brail.
and from him bursts a stream of passion and warmth that he lets drip all over me and i smear it onto my skin to feel his heat
just to bask in his sticky love
but wait- i almost forgot that it isn't love
because he hops onto the train and his body disappears at 100 miles per hour
the wind chills my bones and he leaves me homeless
and then i'll wander around, looking for a pocket of heat to hide in
with my bones thin as wires and my blood cold and sour like lemonade
and every step will ache and burn
until i find a new passenger.

When I’m around you
It isn’t like butterflies
But a whole flock of birds
Rustling in my stomach
And there’s no great way
To tell you this anymore
No tactful options left
Only fluttering hope
You’ll realize I love you
Before it’s too late
Help me please because now
The birds are beating their wings
Against my flesh, trying to get free
And burst out of me
Sick of the shadows that
These feelings bring and I
Have to swallow so you
Don’t see how much it would mean
If you’d just smile
And take my hand
Like the world could revolve
Around something other
Than your ******* book
Or that stupid show
Pay attention for five seconds
And you just might notice
The love in my eyes
That I’m getting sick of
Wasting on you again and again
And that awful habit
Of flirtation without thought
For how it affects anyone else
So  I try to seem like
I don’t really care at all
When my feelings are being torn apart
But, you know what, I’m done
Clawing at my stomach
To let the birds free
So you might notice them