But it's all crazy, all this neo-fascist **** lately.
I guess populism's got a catchy rhythm,
if your lazy,
then it's so much harder to love me or debate me
than hate me.
Now, let's dispose of this safely: you're racist

because either your daddy was too
or you're manipulated by falsehoods masquerading as news
but it's true, now even I'm getting confused,
but ask, who the **** wins? because you AND the immigrant lose.

This ****'s got polemic, pulled by extremist views,
taking the meanest cues,
we contravene abuse, on the daily.
It's all so ****** up lately.
I guess it's so much harder to love me than hate me.

Then, the wicked beat breaks & it all flies apart
leaving my rhyming heart to aim and find it's mark -
it's my one sight of light in the deepest dark
'n' if ya hold to me now, we just need a spark.


The day will come, I'll be called crazy, man,
feeling like I'm William Blake's Grain of Sand,
Eternity in an hour, in the palm of my hand,
I see the white ******* walls in the back of the van.

We'll be nabbed from the streets, it's the master's plan,
'til all that's left is sheep, the rest bottled and canned,
then, they'll sit inside their keep, every gun-post manned,
their delight, so sweet, never to understand:

Heaven in a wildflower or the Endless Night,
a reason to die or a reason to fight.
In their sweet delight they won't see the light,
But in the Endless Night, you & me just might

because each glimmer shines out in the darkest depth,
as Blake writes revenge from the realms of Death,
those protected on high, Nations that sell & buy,
can all be blown out by a baby's breath.

We are all addicts of peace and when we don't have it, we panic flip.
Let's remember these days when salaries didn't separate us.
As we enter a state of emergency.
Can't you see, this is not where we supposed to be.  
Death does not discriminate, who knew a virus would be what brought people together.
Celebrities sharing salaries as the hungry and homeless getting fed.
Schools closing as we ordered to stay inside.
Fear of close company.
They call it social distancing, that's far from reality.
Stock market crashes as millions of bible verses posted on social media sites, airlines canceling flights.
No entertainment tonight.
Fear of getting infected as the government orders 8 billion people to wash their hands, but still, we live in a ***** word, full of government fear, jealousy, and greed.
Doctors and nurses sacrifice their lives to honor their professions. Oh my, what a deep revelation.  
Hard times don't last, tough people, do.
Its what you do when your back is against the wall, that shows the real you.
I pray you find peace in times of tribulations.
When its all said and done I hope we don't revert back to our old ways of segregation and true form of social distancing.

Madami na akong nabasang libro
Ngunit ikaw parin ang hinahanap kong kwento na nais balik balikan
Na hindi magsasawang basahin muli
Mga pahinang ikaw lamang nagbigay sa mga labi ko ng ngiti.

Bawat kabanata nitong libro bawat pagbasa ko ng mga pahina, pinapangiti mo ako muli,
Na para bang andiyan ka lang sa aking tabi.
Pinapa ulan mo ang aking mga mata tuwing....
binabasa ko ang kahapon.

doon ko lang natuklasan na kaya ko palang magmahal ng tapat sa mundong ibabaw na puro kalokohan lang ang inaatupag ko.

Hindi ka ba masaya? Na binabalik balikan ko ang  hindi makatotohanang kwento,
Na hanggang pahina at kabanata nalamang sila magiging totoo.

Masakit, pero kailangan natin tanggapin, ako, ako lang pala, ika'y lumisan na
Napunta ka na sa ibang pahina
Ako, ako andito pa
Iniwan mo sa alaala nating dalawa

Pwede ba magsabi ng totoo?
Kahit na sobrang gulo,
sasabihin ko sayo
Ikaw ang nag-iisang tahanan ng naliligaw kong pagkatao.

Etong mga pahina... nagiwan ng bakas sa puso kong bukas
Na inalay ko sayo gamit pa ang aking mga kamay na kitang kita ang bakas,
Bakas ng kahapon na sinaktan ako
Sinugatan ako ng taong minahal ko
Na pinalitan lamang ng saksak sa puso.

Itong mga pahina't kabanata
Na nagpapakita
Na mahal parin kita
Subalit nasa ibang libro ka na.

Alam kong tapos na
Wala nang tyansa
Kaya't ibabalik nalamang kita
Sa aking istante
Na madaling hanapin
Kapag nais ko muling basahin
Ang kahapon na sinulat natin.

Mga pahinang babalik balikan,
Mga kabanatang hindi makakalimutan,
Librong tayong dalawa na ako nalamang
Ang gagawa ng paraan para protektahan

Mahal, pasensya.
Alam kong galit ka
Ngunit sana'y pakinggan mo ito
Kahit mainit ang dugo mo sa akin
Ako'y nananalangin na mabasa mo ito
Dahil gusto kong humingi ng pasensya
Pasensya dahil nasaktan kita
Hindi ko pinakinggan ang sagot mo
Sa araw na iyon
Kung kailan pinaka kailangan kita
Mga salitang walang kapantay
Mga salita **** walang arte
Lahat sila diretso
Mas diretso pa sa
Pagsasalita ko
Pasensya dahil natagalan ka
Hindi ko naman sinasadya lahat ng ito
Ayoko lang masaktan ka
Ng ibang tao
Dahil mas masakit ang salita
Kesa sa mga gawa
Ngayon pasensya
Mahal
Sana'y tanggapin mo
Dahil ito nalang ang alam kong
Daan para masabi ko
Lahat ng nararamdaman ko saiyo
Dahil ako'y
Nauutal at kinakabahan
Sa tuwing kausap kita
Para bang may mawawala
Sa buhay ko
Sa kada salitang
Sasabihin ko.
Kaya mahal ko pasensya
Mahina ang loob ko
Subalit malakas naman yung
Nararamdaman ko para sayo
At doon ka sana'y
Maniwala.
Mahal, pasensya.

Let me sleep eternally in my casket
I believe that there's no time
For me to keep going

I don't know how long will this take
So please
Leave and let me go

I've done enough
To survive this fight
I don't have the strength
To go on

My time has come
Forget all the wrong that I've done
Let me leave you with this
When you're feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

dilaw na dyaket ang suot mo noon
habang ako ay nananahimik
hindi makaimik
at pinagmamasdan ang bawat sinag ng dapithapon
na sinasala ng kinulayang bintana
kung saan ay sa aking mga mata na ngayon lamang nakakita ng ganda ay biglang napatunganga

dilaw na dyaket ang suot mo noon
at ang unang naitala
sa listahan ng mga napuna ng aking mga mata at biglang napatunganga na nga

nang dahil sa bawat tupi ng manggas
at bawat kusot ng bulsa ng dilaw na dyaket **** naisipang ipakita sa silid ng mga kaluluwa

mga kaluluwang akala ko ay mabibigyan kong buong pansin ngunit heto, napatitig na rin

ako'y napatitig na rin

napatitig sa dilaw na dyaket mo
at hindi ko mawari kung paano
pero ang dilaw na dyaket **** nakabalabal sa iyong kay liit na katawan ay humihila pababa sa iyong mga balikat
nakakibit
hindi man lang kayang mapaakyat ang iyong pagpapakalálo
napapaliit
ang tikas ng iyong pagkatao

hindi ko rin mawari kung paano
pero ang dilaw na dyaket mo ay para bang napabalabal na rin sa akin
at mula noon, ang bawat tupi ng manggas at bawat kusot ng bulsa ng aking puso ay handa nang aminin na ikaw ay naging isang

anghel

ang dilaw na dyaket mo ay naging iyong halo
at ang bawat tupi ng manggas at bawat kusot ng bulsa nito ay naging mga pakpak mo at ikaw ay naging isang

anghel

ika'y naging
anghel sa aking isipan
marikit na imahe sa aking kaloob-looban
munting sigaw sa buong kalawakan
o, munting anghel ko, nais ko na sanang isigaw:
nakikita mo ba?
nakikita mo ba kung paano kita nakikita?
nakikita mo ba kung paano kita sinasamba?
nakikita mo ba kung paano kita sinisinta?

oo, sinisinta, dahil
munting anghel ko, o, mahal kita
mahal kita, o, munting anghel ko

mahal kita
at ang bawat tupi ng manggas at bawat kusot ng bulsa ng iyong pagkatao
mahal kita
at ayaw kong manatili ka lamang sa isipan ko
mahal kita
at nais kong ako ang magpabalabal sa iyong puso
at nais kong ako ay maging iyo

at nais kong mahalin mo rin ako

ngunit, o, munting anghel ko, natakot ako
natakot ako na
kung ilalahad ko ang lahat ng mga ligaw na alaala ko sa iyo
ay huhusgahan mo ako
kung hayaan kong buksan mo ang aking mga pinto
ay matatakot ka nang makita mo ang nilalaman nito
kung ipakita ko sa iyo ang lahat ng mga tupi ng manggas at mga kusot ng bulsa ng aking puso
ay magugulat ka at lilisanin mo ako

kaya heto, ang munting anghel ko ay nanatili sa isipan lamang
ang marikit na imahe ko ay nanirahan sa kaloob-looban lamang

ang munting sigaw ko ay naging bulong lamang
isang bulong na nagsasabing:
o, munting anghel ko, mahal kita,
o, munting anghel ko, pangarap kita,
ngunit, o, munting anghel ko, natatakot akong sa piling mo'y ako'y madulas
at tuluyang mawala ka.

maroon na dyaket ang suot mo kanina
noong ako ay naarawan ng sikat ng umaga
at ng tawa ng ilang mga kahalubilo't kasama
at naroon sa gitna ng aking sariling mga tawa ay nakita kita
ngunit may kasamang iba

at siya'y ika'y inakbayan
at ika'y siya'y nginitian
at ako'y napaisip nang biglaan
kayo ba?
kayo ba?
kayo ba?

napakwento ang kaibigan ko:
alam mo ba,
ganun na nga
sila na
magdadalawang-linggo na.

hindi naman sa nasaktan ako
pero parang ganoon na nga.

hindi naman sa napatigil bigla ang tibok ng puso ko
pero parang ganoon na nga.

hindi naman sa nadurog ako nang mapansin ko na ang sukat ng maroon na dyaket mo ay mas sakto sa iyo at hindi niya nahihila pababa ang iyong buong pagkatao at siguro ito ay dahil siya ang kasama mo at hindi ako kaya para bang siya na ang nakabalabal sa iyong puso at ang bawat tupi ng manggas at bawat kusot ng bulsa ng kaniyang puso ay napaibig na sa iyo—

pero parang ganoon na nga.

ganoon na nga
dahil kayo na nga

kayo na
kayo na
kayo na.

ganoon na nga
dahil siya ang kasama mo

hindi ako
hindi ako
hindi ako.

siguro kung hindi ako natakot

siguro kung hindi ako natakot na ilahad ang lahat ng mga ligaw na alaala ko sa iyo
ay hindi ka na mananatili lamang sa isipan ko

siguro kung hindi ako natakot na hayaang buksan mo ang aking mga pinto
ay mapapabalabal ko na ang iyong puso

siguro kung hindi ako natakot na ipakita ang lahat ng mga tupi ng manggas at mga kusot ng bulsa ng aking puso
ay ako na'y magiging iyo

siguro kung hindi ako natakot na madulas sa piling mo
ay mamahalin mo na rin ako

ngunit ayan na nga, o, munting anghel ko, natakot ako
at ayan na nga, o, munting anghel ko,
lahat ng ito ay hindi ko na nasabi sa iyo
at ayan na nga, o, munting anghel ko,

baka tuluyan nang mawala ang dilaw na dyaket mo sa buhay ko

maroon na dyaket na ang suot mo
ngunit ang dilaw na dyaket mo pa rin ang nakatatak sa isipan ko
at ang bawat tupi ng manggas at bawat kusot ng bulsa ng dilaw na dyaket mo ay nakabalabal pa rin sa aking puso

aking puso na nadurog, at patuloy na nadudurog hanggang ngayon
nang dahil sa dilaw na dyaket na suot mo noon

dahil sa dilaw na dyaket na suot na ng iba ngayon

losing track of something so simple
evaporating through my fingers
and hiding beneath the blades of grass
i call for it, but it only lingers

being chased by the unknown
it has just smashed a glass
purposefully rupturing all that is divine
pieces shatter everywhere, at last

veins ache for release
pulling at the heart
tugging at the long string of fear
sickened by the lack of escape,
so unclear

can you help sew my skin together
stitch it back to normality
glue on a new pair of eyes
because my old ones are lost amongst my cries

nifty little brain
bringing a world of pain
world so complete
but pierces me with defeat
pierces through my heart
intentionally sharp
wearing a mask so sheer
so i only feel fear

developing a cycle
bravery is just an option
dangling off the cliff
cliff of gloom
if i fall
my future is doomed
future no more
so i hold bravery at my core

i only have the strength to cling on
that’s enough
for now,
for me,
until i’m gone

spiralling out of sight
allowing the touch of fear
fear curling up in the corner
loving, hating, smiles & tears

losing the feeling of loss
doesn’t stay gone for long
back to the station
where I am dragged to the floor

smothered & pushed down
by a faceless source of energy
effortlessly mournful and grey
smelling like severe sadness

so much to smile about
but not finding the strength to smile
longing for that excited tickle of glee
maybe that’s over, maybe it’s this, maybe...
but just for a while

i've been trying to find the words,
in liquor bottles;
but the answer has never been at the bottom,
i fall asleep with my mind tangled in my hands,
and i awake day after day,
the sun is becoming more and more of a stranger to my flesh,
i'm running out of space for all these empty bottles,
i've considered filling them with my tears,
and giving them to you as a gift,
so you could baptize yourself in my sadness,
or get drunk on my misery's condensation,
because at this point,
i think there is more alcohol in my body than water,
my tears will taste like tequila and fermented heartbreak against your tongue,
but that burn will never hold a candle to the burn i have been feeling electrifying throughout me for weeks.

i've been trying to find the words
in white lines,
but what good is being high when all it does these days is remind you how low hell really is.
everything is starting to look like an emergency exit,
i see death in everything around me,
they say depression can be a superpower if you let it,
i don't consider transforming everything around me into a mechanism for self destruction,
to be a superpower.
i have never been afraid of heights,
i have always embraced being as far away from hell as possible,
but now i feel like i have swallowed it,
no matter how high i am,
everything around me is still burning,
and my veins are gasoline pipelines,
I feel like I am inches from my body becoming an island swallowed by a volcano,
that ant who fell victim to children experimenting with matches,
was that where you first discovered how to make something feel small?
how to make someone feel small.

i've been trying to find the words,
but i don't have them.
it is shameful what you have made out of love,
you have hypnotized me to believe that love has a numbing effect,
that it is crying yourself to sleep,
that it is uncertainty.
I have come to associate being in love with being in pain,
because when you tell me you love me,
i feel like my body is a house of cards,
and your voice - a hurricane.
what you have done to me is not beautiful,
no sentence that i will ever release from my lips will ever be as strong as the earthquake i feel when you touch me,
i can't navigate between the sky and the ground with your eyes clenched to my skin ,
my heartbeat becomes as flat as the horizon line.
there is nothing beautiful about how you have ridden my days of sunlight,
and my nights of stars, ,
i've been living in darkness for months,
probably because everyday since that night i feel like I'm paying rent to live in a stranger's shadow with my self-respect.

i don't have the words;
you have numbed the best parts of me,
made me believe that feeling is a privilege.
what a shame,
that when you tell me you love me i am haunted by the fear that you actually do.