Bottle it up.
do it.
Throw it in the sea.
do it.
See.
even the voices in my head agree.
they never agree.
Wishing that the emotions coursing through my veins with every beat.
of my heart would go with it.
knowing there's only one way...
stoping my heart
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
it keeps going.
s.t.o.p.
it always ends with a period.
...
or a bullet.
But the bitter tears stayed.
The raw emotion filled me up.
Like a bottle, overflowing.
A tsunami of.
confusion..?
...
Anger.
At myself, for being incapable.
At those around me… for being so blind.
Why can no one see, why can’t they see that I’m not ok?
Why cant someone see through my white lies and blinding perfection. don’t they know better?
they have to know better
WHY won’t they do something?
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP
Can’t they see I’m b r o k e n?
or...
have I gotten too good at make-belief?
Sometimes it feels so real that I get lost in the moment.
CAN ANYONE HEAR ME??
The wind drowns out my screams.
its ok.
its not.
But I'm use to the silence.
so quiet.
...
it use to be peaceful.
now it's loud.
s.i.l.e.n.c.e.
so much.
s
p
a
c
e
why?
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
...
For a second, pretending I’m ok.
o k.
But the gravity shifts.
one moment...
I’m weightless.
s o a r i n g
through the sky.
And the next.
I’m crushed beneath the weight of the world.
Like Atlas, but I’m down on my knees.
The weight of reality is too much to bear.
I’m sinking, like a ship...
A ship with too many holes, beyond repair.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
The weight of knowing sinks in grief envelopes me, welcoming me. Into its comforting darkness.
I wish.
I wish- things could be different…
Maybe in another life...
I think thougtfully as I look out into the storm.
A practiced captain knows when to give up.
THUMP. THUMP. THUMP.
Looking back down at my hands I seal the bottle shut.
I’ve always liked solving mysteries, it’s time to be one.
I’ll bet people would wonder why the selfless girl took… took from herself.
With a last look at the beaten boat, I toss the bottle weightless for a split second, before dropping like a stone, into the sea of green.
THUMP.
So quiet without a splash, not even a ripple.
THUMP.
She was gone.
S I L E N C E
.
