Learning to be grateful for your blessings
While dissimulating contentedness.
Undeluding is your soul that aches for interaction it seems to be blanking.
Unwritten wishes that derive hope from you, whom wishes for a fraction of reminiscence

And you are a selfish addict.
Destroying yourself over a feeling of nostalgia you’re unaware you’ve even experienced.
There are people in front of you who are very capable of making you laugh and giggle and squeal
Yet you look beyond them towards that unidentifiable something that you long for.

A slave to your mind,
A slave to your hopes for discovery
A slave to that unidentifiable something,
A slave to the self hatred you proclaimed as “nothing”
And will you ever escape it?

You will find that even while running!
And even while pleading--
And even while that small hamster causes a commotion in your head as it runs in place,
Progress painfully predictable,
Do you repetitively realize that your redundant expedition is indefinitely infinite
Physically synonymous to the hamster that continues to run even when it sees the path doesn't change.

As if it needs to run to maintain its sanity.
To not submit to psychosis over that torturous feeling or stage or whatever the hell of deja vu.
Do you even have any idea where anything will lead to if you don’t even know where you’re to stand?
And who will you crawl to when you’re stuck in that maliciously mundane state of emptiness?
When you’re unaware of who will be able to understand that never-ending journey of longingness—

Now hear it, despite its genericity, you truly feel like this pain is yours alone to bear.

Learning to be grateful for your blessings
When you can only yearn for the knowledge of which keeps your heart so unresponsive
Filled with worry that you’ll break a bone, should they be as hollow as you.

Happiness eludes you.
Fulfillment escapes you.
You.
Left pondering whether such a cure can even exist
To exterminate a disease as abnormally unsettling as this.

You,
A Crackbaby.

i’ll once believe we have something, some kind of ember
some kind of fire that doesn’t scare itself
some kind of blaze that never escapes
that keeps growing and forming and whistles all day.
there’s some kind of weather
that makes me colder
and you, warmer.
some kind of change blowing through the summer air
some kind of new wind unheard of from here.
there’s some kind of vigor i wish i had
that you do  
and it’s so easy to get swept up in the current of you.
no matter where i swim, the tide carries me down the wet sullen stream.
i’m back in the heart of things,
something is grabbing my pant leg;
it can’t be shaken.  
i float down the river,
weaving our love into baskets to send off to the water.
i’ll once believe we have something
when you pull my shaking body out from the water,
wrap me in a towel
and place me by the fire.

near some kind of ember
floating till its death.

Jimmy Dean, Breakfast Frill,
Bacon and Chorizo-an' just put the Griddles on,
Ya know-the Waffles are almost done...

Something inside me is pounding.
Do I still have a heart to feel about the situations that looks surreal?
I witnessed a horrible scenario, it was revealed.
But all I knew was there's something pounding inside me.

I can't explain if I was hurt nor I was nervous,
But I noticed something within me
It's breaking me, but I was confused
Tears won't come out, even emotions were unreadable

My hands were shaking, I was rattling deep inside me
But nothing comes out, I want to calm myself down
So all I did was to keep in silence, will you say it's gonna be alright while holding my hand?
I don't know how all of these will end.

either i am or
i think i am but am not
doh ain't that something

my guard dropped when i fell into your heart
at the heart and crown orange lit bar
its been a minute since i’ve been so inhibited
revisiting the pools of pleasure i used to dip into
wanna get to know exactly what you are into
kisses underneath the full moon?
kisses as Dont Start Believing is chanted through the room
its serendipitous how you are here
perfect timing for my perfect poison
don’t let it be a one night thing
you plus me got to equal something
lets be something
tired of nothings