I hate it when people ask me why instead of buying books I just read online or on the iPad or phone, as it is 'cheaper', or if I buy books, I only 'read it once' and leave it, it being 'a waste of money'.

They don't understand. People have different interests, but they... they are still similar. Art lovers, would you rather paint or draw or express your work on a canvas, or on an app, free, on a Tablet?

It isn't the same experience.

To those who obsess over movies, do you not watch a movie over and over again till you cry and weep and fall to the ground?

It's just like the first time around.

Music one of your loves? Would you feel the same love you would feel illegally downloading music for free than you would buying it off iTunes?

It doesn't feel right.

Do you love to sing or dance or play an instrument? Do you feel the same thrill as you would singing or dancing or playing piano or guitar to an app, than actually using your own voice, body or instrument?

It's not the same.

Is racing one of your hobbies? Does flinging your finger fast on an app or on a controller give you the same sense of freedom and enthusiasm that speeding down a track, cold, bitter air thrusting onto you as if it could take you away to other realms and universes?

It feel's weird.

Love sleep much? Could daydreaming give you the same escape that sleep does, could it ****** you into a world of fantasy and adventure and comedy and romance the same way sleeping and dreaming can?

It doesn't feel natural.

Is eating one of your loves? Could watching someone make some delicious, mouth-watering food on youtube give you the same happy, uplifting experience as actually baking or eating it?

It isn't the same.

Love the world? Wish you could travel? Do you enjoy looking at pictures on the internet of the many places you yearn to visit? Or do you enjoy the experience of actually visiting the so called place you desired to go to, to see the images in real life than to look at what little detail a camera off of a phone could give you.

It doesn't look right.

Enjoy education much? Love the experience of knowing things, of adding on to your knowledge. Is watching a video on youtube of the tour guide of the museum you desperately wanted go to better than actually going to the place yourself?

It isn't the same experience.

Do you even like drinking? Like the escape of reality and thrill drugs or alcohol gives you? Would you rather drink water and juice than drink ***** or do ****?

It's doesn't feel right.

Are you a stamp collector? Would you rather collect online or go to little vintage shops and actually buy the product?

Its not the same.

Love shopping much? Rather buy the product online than actually looking at the variety of clothes and notebooks and couches? Does it give you the same sense of happiness.

It doesn't feel as good.

Maybe even love cheese tasting, or kissing, hugging, talking to your family, jumping on a bouncy castle, going to playgrounds, running, swimming, going to the gym, playing basketball, tennis, soccer, squash, badminton, collecting bath bombs, playing games, going to the park, playing with your pet, actually having a pet, dolling up your house? Would you rather do all these things virtually? Or physically, as it originally was before technology came in and 'made things better'.

That's what I thought.

It isn't the same.

It may be better, or cost less, or not worry others as much, and maybe the things you enjoy doing aren't actually right to do, and maybe it's wrong, but that doesn't mean it isn't right to them.

So, don't come up to me and tell me to go to the library and borrow books just to fall in love with it then return and let go of it. Don't tell me reading online is a better option. Don't tell me that i'm just wasting money, space. Don't tell me that its just a waste.

And, for the love of God, don't tell me . . .
Don't tell me that I should just not read at all.

Don't tell me that there are betters things out there to do.

There is nothing, no better option out there for me but reading.

*It isn't the same.

Now I don't look exactly normal
In fact I often look bizarre
I'm used to second glances
Being stared at from afar
And when I go out shopping
It is often quite the case
That store detectives & the like
Think I'm going to rob the place
So ......
While on a birthday shopping trip
In a rather fancy store
I am not surprised by the looks I get
As I walk in through the door
I can feel the condescension
From the girls behind the counter
But I'm not phased, not put out
It won't make me flounder!
I smile politely and carry on
Chatting on my phone
Browsing overpriced attire
Happy on my own
I flick through the rails
Of designers I don't know
When an overly made up young girl
Appears at my elbow .....
'Excuse me ....' she whispered
And
My heart begins to sink
Because
I have a preconceived idea
Of what it is that she might think .....
'There are two ladies over there
Standing at the desk
They believe they know you
Could it be that you're an actress?!'
I start to laugh .... 'Well no'
I reply 'but I do play in a band
Perhaps that's where they've seen me
We're quite often in demand!'
She scuttled off on sky high heels
To tell them I play bongos
She shakes her head as she returns
'It's your voice they think they know.....'
'Oh....' I say 'well I have been known
To spout some spoken word
In pubs and cafes locally
Could that be what they've heard?'
So then to gather their attention
She gestures kinda wildly
They all come trotting over
I was amused (to put it mildly!)
'Yes, yes that's it' one lady said
'I've seen you at the 'Hatstand'
Can we get your autograph?'
She ****** a pen into my hand
And just like that I'm famous
And the girls who until that point
Had thought I was not worthy
To frequent their little joint
Fell over themselves backwards
To offer me the world
Complimentary coffee and
Champagne was soon unfurled
They flitted all around me
Caught up in what they thought
Was a star in their presence
My respect they now sought ......
It was my 'Pretty Woman' moment
When their bias was exposed
If I were a different person
I could have stayed there til they closed
But although to have been recognised
Had made me feel delighted
Their attitude beforehand
Had left me feeling slighted
So I left - with words of thanks
For their false display
Of kindness towards me
And went on about my day .....
Now I know we all make judgments
Upon people that we meet
But it really isn't fair, as we don't know
What lies beneath
That strange looking person
In a torn and muddy dress
Because
In reality you could be looking at
An almost famous poetess!!

(C) Pixievic

I'M A SHOPPING CENTER SANTA CLAUS
FOR THREE WEEKS EVERY YEAR
IT PAYS MY RENT AND BUYS ME FOOD
AND BUYS A CASE OF BEER
I NEVER REALLY LIKED IT
'TILL ONE DAY TWO YEARS BACK
WHEN ONE SMALL CHILD ASKED ME
JUST HOW I FILLED MY SACK

I THOUGHT A BIT AND TOLD THE WAIF
THAT MAGIC FILLED IT UP
HER EYES GREW WIDE AS SAUCERS
JUST WAITING FOR A CUP
I TOLD HER HOW MY ELVES
MADE THE TOYS FOR ME TO GIVE
TO TAKE AROUND THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD
WHERE ALL THE CHILDREN LIVE

SHE ASKED ME THEN WHY DID I NOT
FULFILL HER WISH LAST YEAR
I NOTICED THEN, HER EYES WELLED UP
AND I KNOW I SAW A TEAR
SHE SAID THAT HER POOR MOTHER
HAD LEFT AND RUN AWAY
SHE PACKED HER BAGS A YEAR AGO
AND LEFT ON CHRISTMAS DAY

SHE DIDN'T LEAVE ME ANY GIFTS
SHE SAID IN HER SMALL VOICE
SHE ONLY LEFT A LETTER SAYING
SHE HAD NOT OTHER CHOICE
SHE ASKED THAT WITH MY MAGIC
I MAKE HER WISH COME TRUE
I'D SAID I'D TRY TO DO IT
I WOULD SEE WHAT I COULD DO

I WIPED MY NOSE AND DRIED MY TEARS
AND PUT THE SMALL GIRL DOWN
SHE TURNED TO LEAVE AND WALK AWAY
HER COAT WAS CHOCOLATE BROWN
IT WAS A FEW DAYS LATER
THAT SHE CAME BACK TO MY CHAIR
HER EYES WERE BRIGHT AND SPARKLING
AND SHE WORE RIBBONS IN HER HAIR

THANK YOU SANTA FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE
THERE'S SOMEONE YOU SHOULD MEET
THIS IS MY MUM, SHE'S COME BACK HOME
SHE'S MY EARLY CHRISTMAS TREAT
YOUR MAGIC WORKED A MIRACLE
YOU MADE MY WISH COME TRUE
NOW I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS
AND THE EASTER BUNNY TOO!

I DID NOT TRY TO FIND HER MUM
TO LIE WOULD NOT BE FAIR
BUT WHEN I LEFT THE MALL THAT NIGHT
I SAID A LITTLE PRAYER
I PRAYED TO GOD THAT SHE WOULD FIND
HER MOTHER BACK IN HER LIFE
AND THAT THIS SMALL, YOUNG CHILD
WOULD BE FREE FROM ANY STRIFE

I KNOW THAT IT'S A PIPE DREAM
LIKE WISHING ON A STAR
BUT I WISHED ON ONE A FEW YEARS BACK
AND SOMEONE HEARD ME FROM AFAR
I'M A SHOPPING CENTER SANTA CLAUS
FOR A WEEK OR MAYBE TWO
BUT LITTLE GIRL, WHEREVER YOU ARE
I STILL  BELIEVE IN YOU.

even from a
distance
she wants to
make sure
that
you are
looking
at her

even if
you are
not

she
will see
to it
that her
un-plunging
neckline
is not
plunging

and

no flesh
shows
where the t-shirt
is just a bit short,

a royal hand
run through
flowing hair

when you pass her
she will say it
without say,
it is she who is
passing,
make way

then
when

she draws close,
as much as a hug
a cell phone
emerges as if
by magic
in her clasp

stares at it
unblinkingly,
places it
regally to
the ear
and before
you never
see her again
in your life
there is that
hint of a smile
hook like
at the corner
of her eyes

Some days you have the ability,
others on a shopping spree.
Dressing clean, ultra supreme.

To live is just a dream that only you can see with binoculars.
I live in our own aura, the World and I. Where we can kickback, sleek the ruffles out of our curtains.
With blood sleeking down the glass window pane, the beginning of a crystal clear scheme
with crimson stains.
A passing by expert, I have yet to earn what removed hastes to which I should come to a slower pace.
Push you into my fool, a clown to a stalemate.
Copping everything on a shopping spree, my feet don’t touch the ground, they elevate.

Now I’m trying to jam using these hands, but one grips at fear.
I don’t have time for tainted misused feelings.

I have to make them squeal for me. Hide in the bushes, they want to be seen with me. Using correct of muscle, I hold me. Carrying all these packages, I’m the one you want.

Just minding my own business
Standing in a line
With a basket full of shopping
In a headspace that was mine
When suddenly a voice piped up

'What you cooking love?!'

And being kind
I turned around
And stood gazing from above ....

Upon a short & greasy man
Who's eyes were firmly fixed
To the swelling of my *****
He really was transfixed!
I cleared my throat and said 'hello'
In an attempt to raise
That shiny head with thinning hair
From it's penetrating gaze

'Well I'm cooking chicken'
I said without a beat

'That's a shame' came his reply
'coz I don't really eat meat'

'This is for my family'
My response was firm & clear

'So you're not inviting me then?'
He said - without raising an ear

'Well no not really'I replied
Turning my back again
And then tap tap upon my arm
Hard enough to cause some pain
And so being well bought up
I turned again to face
This strange companion in my wait
To get out of this place

'I think you're very pretty'
He said - not raising up his head

'Ummm Thank you' I returned
Whilst fiddling with my bread

'So you know what really bugs me?'
He spat with quite some venom
'This thing that girls have got
Wearing double denim...'
'And all of these tattoos they have
Do they really think
That men find it attractive?'

Well - I didn't stop to think

I slowly turned my back again
And quietly pulled down a sleeve
And removed my arms one by one
Not wishing to deceive
And revealed in all its glory
The ink across my back
And glanced across my shoulder
To watch his fast backtrack...

I wear my self expression
Emblazoned on my skin
I am inked & I am proud
I'm not going to keep it hidden
So my advice to you is this my friends
If a date is what you seek
Talk to my face
Don't be rash
And don't call me a freak!!

(C) Pixievic 2016