Tried to wash the scars embedded on me
Submerged the voices that left me haunted
Drowned the visions from the tall red oak tree
Remembering when you asked to “flaunt it”

I tried to scream, but choked on nonsense words
Your malevolent laughs replays in my mind
No evidence, but me and the blue birds
How hard is it for one to just be kind?

You left me with pain, you left me to cry
I can never get my innocence back
Yet, I still love you, but I don’t know why
I may not remember all that happened,
But my body does, my body remembers it all

Regret,
           One word,
Timeless damage condensed to
           Six letters.
That are scented like cheap, Dollar store, perfume
           Titled “Heavenly”.
The stench that you burned into my nostrils,choking me,
            Suffocating me.
A word whose name taste like poison on my battered tongue,
             Bitterly sweetless,
Just like the ***** pouring like fountains from your fingertips,
             Sugar-laced manipulation.
It’s adorned with purple, the colour of the rich,
            Of royalty,
Yet, worn by a wayward, penniless, and perverted sinner,
             Guiltless, guilty.
It’s a word that purrs, “You’re so mature” as its filthy palms grasp my flesh,
             Robbing me.
Robbing me straight from the cradle I slept so ignorantly,
             So soundly.
Stripping me naked as I was born, yet wasn’t I just yesterday?
              Too young.
Far too young to carry the weight of your skin,
               Your sins,
                                           My regret.

I was only 10 the day you took my innocence,
Unknowing of your evil intent
I trusted your sneaky smile
your deceitful words
I remember the feeling of your hands around my neck,
The way you held me down
Against my will
I tried to stop you
I was too weak
just a kid
And I cried out to you to stop,
But you didn’t.

I lay here,
I count my sheep just like a good girl.
I smile with my teeth and dress in nice clothes.
I'm your Little Miss Perfect.
But I'm not as innocent as you think.
Not after he forced me against his sheets,
and tied me to the void of hate

Poisonous resentment,
Dripping down my esophagus.
Like the salvia you coaxed down my throat,
Icy cold and bitter.

Purple chrysanthemums blooming,
On my pale, once innocent flesh.
Eyes fogged by deception,
I am unable to escape you.

The seed of regret plants itself in my heart,
Roots of the weeds rip through me,
Polluting the heart, tainting the blood.
Paralysed, you force me down and tear me apart.

Fog clears my vision
just like drug laced honey you fed me
I see your true form in the window of my future
Pathetic old man, I’m not afraid of you.

Your claws saturated with manipulation
Grasp and tear at my flesh
But you can’t trap me here any more
I’m not your hostage

Your house was the only safe haven when she met you. At home, she was beat. At school, she was beat, so she couldn't tell the difference between "tough love" and "learning her place" bruises.  When she met you, she was attached to her big sister. Her sister  told her to keep you company while her sister gave herself away again and again. You watched her while she slept. She woke up in your arms from a nightmare not realizing that the reality she woke up to was the nightmare that would haunt her for the rest of her life. You pushed her down and ripped away every sense of safety she had ever felt. She could hear them in the other room. They sounded like they were having so much fun and all she could think about was why was she not having fun? Why did your breath on her neck make her want to swallow herself? Your hands on her neck made her wish she were already dead? Your hands in between her legs made her wonder what was wrong with her? Why was she not enjoying this? Of course she couldn't tell her sister. How could the little girl ruin that for her best friend? After the first time, you got more confident. You brought toys of torture that you use to tear apart her sanity and replace it for hatred for everything that made her a woman. She has learned to detest her hips because you looked her in the eyes and told her you couldn't resist them. How did that 10 year old process that? She learned to cover up all her curves and stay out of everyone's way.  She learned to never say no because that just made things worse. She has learned to hide away. If you ask her about it today, she will deny it because she doesn't want to face the reality that you broke her. If you asked me today how I knew this horrid story, I would say, she is me.

i've always been angry
it has been a burning in my bones
an acid in my stomach
a restless warrior in my head.
some may say
i came into this world
looking for a fight.
but i'd argue that when i was born
the fight found me.
it was passed down
from generations of women
with hands branded into their bodies
and tongues cut out of their bloodied mouths.
i yearn for rest
but their stories push me back into the ring.
there is work to be done
fights to be won